A Way Back
by kinzer
Summary: Ashley is on top of the world can Spencer bring her back down
1. Homecoming

**ok guys i had this story posted as" Top of the world " i edited it a lot so read it and tell me what you think i have eight chapters written i'm gonna post 2 now and see what you guys think**

**Thanks !!!!!**

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I'm on top of the world! Ashley thought as she stared into the cool night only seeing little glimmers of light. Deep in thought Ashley was distracted by hands coming over her waist. _Come back to bed! _She could feel the woman's breath hot and seductive flowing through her hair. _I'll be there in a min go back to bed. _Ashley turned and glared at the girl who was still holding her waist. She couldn't have been older then 19, long black hair and a slender figure. Ashley stood there lit a smoke and took another sip from her vodka, as she watched the girl walk back through the balcony door.

It was morning and the sun was peeking its ugly head through the shades, and into Ashley's eyes. She rolled over escaping the sun but encountering another problem._ She's still here _Ashley thought as she turned and saw the girl curled up on the edge of the bed sleeping. She was about to wake the girl but the phone did it for her. _Ring….Ring…_Ashley are you gonna get that the girl turned and said half asleep. _Yeah I am shut up and go back to sleep or better yet! Leave…._ Ashley eyed the girl who obviously ignored her last comment, sat up and grabbed the baggie that was sitting on the nightstand. _Want some _the girl asked with a grin on her face. _No! _Ashley said in an angry voice.

_Hello _Ashley said into the phone.

_Hey Ashley I need you to come home for a little while. _A familiar voice said into the phone.

_Why what's wrong now Aiden. _Ashley asked watching the girl behind her closely. She could see the girl through the mirror, rubbing her nose Ashley was in a trance watching her latest lay scrape the powder into a line. To distracted by the drugs she couldn't even hear what Aiden was saying to her.

_Aiden I have to go so get to the point. _Ashley was harsh needing the coke in her veins

_It's Spencer she needs you she just won't admit it, So get your head outta the gutter and get home. _Aiden screamed at her meanly on the other end of the phone.

_Why Aiden what is wrong _But it was to late he already hung up

_Fuck! Get dressed and get out!_ Ashley yelled at the girl wishing she could just sit back relax and get gone.

Spencer looked at Aiden with a look of anger and disgust. _You did what. Why.. I told you to leave it alone it's just like you to but in where you are not wanted._

_Spence… you are in pain I can see we all can! You need to talk to her before it is to late to save either of you._

_I don't want to see her Aiden she isn't my Ashley anymore she's gone to the drugs and fame that I let her sink into._ Spencer eyes began to tear as she released a little sob. Aiden came close to her and embraced her in a long caring hug that almost turned into a passionate kiss until Spencer turned her head knowing were this was going to lead

_Aiden I can't please…_ Spencer said with hurt in her voice and a little fear in her eyes

_Sorry Its just I hate seeing you like this, I'll leave…_Aiden turned to walk out the door before saying _I just want you to be happy _as he said that he walked out the door to be greeted by someone staring at him with a look of disgust and anger.

Ashley sat outside the house wishing she wouldn't have just witnessed what she just did.

She sat and anger started to build up in her gut, as she turned to get up and go in the house. The door opened and a tall dark haired man walked out that she use to know as her friend who would never hut her like he just did.

_Ash… what… when…_Aiden couldn't get the words to come out of his mouth

_Nice Aiden I'm glad you kept Spencer warm while I was gone _She said this with a look of murder in her eyes that Aiden definitely picked up on.

_Ash its not like that I was just _

_Comforting me while you were with your last whore, _A little voice came from the front of the door and both Ashley and Aiden turned to see Spencer standing starring at both of them. She smiled to Aiden and said _your job is done here Aiden thanks for everything_; she turned and walked in the door leaving it open for Ashley to get the hint and come in after her.

Aiden walked past Ashley with a grin on his face

_What!_ Ashley glared at him

He said nothing just continued walking to his truck.

_Ok here goes nothing! _Ashley thought to herself as she walked into her old house.

She looked around to noticed everything has changed including the girl in front of her

Her hair is not the same nor the look in her eyes she looks big very strong almost scary.

Ashley took a deep breath and walked toward her lover. _Your hair why would you do that I want it back blond,_ She stopped right in front of the now black hair running her hand through the girls hair looking for something familiar but only found the look of pain which she knew to well.

_Don't You lost that right to tell me what to do when you first stepped out that door so just stop!_ Spencer slapped Ashley's hand away taking a couple of step backward until she hit the wall.

_Spence It wasn't suppose to be this way you told me to go _

_Yeah Ashley go for your dream! Not for the drugs and groupies and to forget that you had me here waiting for you to come back remember me! " your wife". _Spencer shouted at Ashley hoping for her to feel her pain but knew the drugs stopped her from feeling at all.

Ashley took a step forward into Spencer trying to grab her hands but Spencer pulled away _No stop _Spencer shouted_ But_ Ashley didn't _You have to listen to me Spencer all those girls don't have shit on you I left to make us a family a life that's what you wanted remember _Spencer was now up against the wall with Ashley practically on top of her. _Ashley please_ _don't do this not know I can't I have to go._ Ashley backed up enough for Spencer to breath but didn't let go of her wife's wrists.

_You don't have to go anywhere I want you right here with me it's been so long I've missed holding you, touching you, kissing you. _Ashley leaned in letting go of Spencer's wrists and cupped her face kissing her.

_Stop! I can't _Spencer slapped Ashley across the face instinct took Ashley over as she lunged forward grabbing Spencer by the shoulders and slamming her up against the wall.

_Why would you do that Spence is this the way it is now I can't even touch you. _Ashley took a step away from Spencer almost shocked at her reaction. She stared at Spencer who was yet to look up at her.

_I'll leave obviously you don't need me anymore but I can't leave tonight I need sleep I'll go first thing tomorrow._ She looked at Spencer who was still bracing herself against the wall and not looking up. Ashley took a step towards her and as she did Spencer flinched. Ashley turned and went up the steps leaving Spencer alone.

Spencer sat downstairs trying to figure out what exactly just happened. _Aiden made a move on me now Ashley's upstairs. It's been so long since she was her I can hear her upstairs snoring. That was the thing I missed at night when she left, her snoring made me feel comfortable. I wish everything can be simple again not so hard. _As Spencer sat with her head laying on the pillow she began to feel dazed so she decided to go upstairs to sleep.

As she approached her room she thought_ oh hell no she's not in my bed! _She walked in her room sat on her bed next to the girl who was deep in a sleep. _Ashley get up… Ashhhhhleyyyyy now! This is not your room anymore get up go to the guest room _

Spencer was about to grab and shake Ashley but she felt a hand grab her wrist. _Stop Spencer what. _Ashley asked still in a daze _I want you out of here that's what this is not your room anymore Ash. _Spencer said trying to break Ashley's grip.

_I've missed that! _Ashley smiled

_What! _Spencer asked

_You called me Ash! _She smiled with that look in her eyes of needing and wanting Spencer

_Please Ashley I'm tired I want to go to bed _Spencer was looking at Ashley knowing what she was thinking.

Spencer tried to get up from the bed but was ripped right back down on top of Ashley.

Ashley lifted her head up toward Spencer and tried to kiss her but Spencer moved her head and struggled to get up, Ashley pulled herself up and pushed Spencer onto the other side of the bed. Rolling herself on top of Spencer Ashley smiled._ That's better _she grinned.


	2. Please!

* * *

Ashley stopped and brought her hands up grabbing Spencer's wrists to stop from being hit anymore. She look at Spencer and didn't say anything, they locked eyes. Ashley began to nuzzle her nose up to Spencer's lips trying to kiss her but Spencer moved her head, shaking it away from anything Ashley. Ashley grabbed her head and made her look back_ Spence stop look at me _Spencer stopped and looked at Ashley with tears in her eyes Ashley wiped them off of her face. _I'm so pissed at you right now _Ashley just shook her head "_I know you are_!" Ashley leaned her lips back down to Spencer's lips and only meet a little bit of a struggle in Spencer before she gave in.

Ashley kissed down Spencer neck and back up again to meet her lips, Spencer kissed back. The kiss had anger and want behind it. It was hard and passionate at the same time She bit Ashley's lower lip taking it into her mouth and the harder she bit the more Ashley groaned at the pain, but she continued to flick her fingers around Spencer's clit, making Spencer moan in pleasure her lips were finally realized and she traveled down to Spencer's breast flicking her nipples with her tongue she sucked on them making Spencer's body twitch whether it be from the pain or pleasure she didn't know or care. She felt Spencer start to push her head down and she looked at her wife with a smile on her face.

Ashley went down in between her legs blowing warm air on to her pussy. Spencer let out a moan which made Ashley just want to taste her more she begin to make circles over Spencer's clit, and slowly started to suck on her clit flicking her tongue, this was making Spencer's whole body trembling as she began grunt and moaning uncontrollably. Ashley stuck two fingers in Spencer and continued to lick Spencer's pussy. Spencer began to rock herself onto Ashley making Ashley moan sending vibrations into Spencer. As the sweet dripped from Spencer she slowly began to feel the orgasm coming into play and she began to scream and rock faster.

_Oh Ashley please a little more uhh uhhh ohhh yeahh" _Ashley began to hurry her tongue a long making Spencer start to shake harder, the Spencer slowed and started to shut Ashley in between her legs but Ashley didn't stop she kept going making Spencer start to scream and trying to escape but Ashley held her there making her go over the edge again.

As the night ended and Spencer fell into a deep sleep. Ashley was awake starring at her lover laying next to her, wrapped in a sheet with half of her back and feet showing. She could still feel Spencer's tears on her chest from her crying as they made love. Ashley had a feeling of withdraw running in her veins it was like a freight train running threw her blood. She knew she had some in her jeans but they were all they way on the other side of the bed if she moved she wondered if Spencer would wake up. At this point she couldn't care if the girl woke up she was getting ready to jump up out of her skin. As she sat up in the bed Spencer stirred but her eyes stayed closed.

_Shit! _Ashley said as she tripped over her guitar case. She looked back at Spencer who was still asleep or so she thought Spencer had woken up, but said nothing not wanting to create a problem. She laid there and watched Ashley take the needle out of her jeans. Ashley flicked the needle as to relieve the air. She brought her leg up to her chest and grabbed her big toe she put the needle in there because it was the only way to hide it well.

Taking a quick look over her shoulder to make sure Spencer was still asleep Ashley slid the needle in between her nail and the skin. As she pushed the poisons into her toe a sound makes her stop. It's the sound of Spencer moving the sheets and setting up. Spencer touches Ashley's shoulder and snuggles her head in between Ashley's shoulders and neck. She touches Ashley's arm with a gentleness that makes Ashley cringe.

_Ash please stop this it's gonna kill you, don't let it destroy you. I need you here! _Spencer said this with a crack in each word she spoke. She was scared for Ashley the drugs had a tight grip on her.

_I can't Spencer I need this It helps me focus _as she finished pushing the liquid into her toe watching it swirl in the needle. Ashley laid back and looked at Spencer with her eyes half closed as the drugs consumed her every thought or feeling. She reached out to touch Spencer's hand but Spencer sat up and got off the bed. She turned to Ashley and said "_you are useless to me when your like this' _

Ashley watched Spencer walk out of the room and laughed a little at her last comment _I wasn't early though was I _

Spencer heard Ashley but didn't react to the statement just walked out of the room and went downstairs to the kitchen and started to make herself something to eat. She went to the couch and sat down almost in tears. _No I can't let her do this to me she's not worth it _Spencer thought out loud.

_I'm not _Ashley looked at her with a grin on her face.

_I didn't expect you to even get up actually didn't know you could with all that heroin in your body. _Spencer replied with worry in her eyes she knew how Ashley could get being high. She didn't want to start a fight with her right now

_Well I am does that bother you_ Ashley walked to the cupboard and grabbed a glass she turned and put ice in the glass. She looked under the cupboard and slammed the door when what she was looking for was not there. Spencer jumped a little from this.

_Where is the vodka Spencer! _Ashley yelled at the girl

_I don't drink it therefore I don't have any _Spencer responded in a bitchy way _Plus it's 6:00 am do you really think you should be drinking. _She added with a glare at Ashley

_How about I worry about me and you worry about you _Ashley said with a cocky tone_ Plus I'm useless remember _Ashley added with a grin. _What do you have to drink in this house then?_

_Water that's all you need_ Spencer said getting up from the couch and walking over toward the kitchen while grabbing a bottle of the book shelf. _Here try not to drown in it! _Spencer handed Ashley a bottle of Jack Daniels

_Thanks! _Ashley said wondering why Spencer would give this to her but not really caring she filled her glass and walked to the couch and started flipping through her phone.

Spencer shock her head _have fun I'm taking a shower try not to break anything of use. _

_Yeah yeah want me to come _Ashley asked sarcastically not even looking at Spencer or even expecting a reply. Spencer looked at the girl and just shook her head continuing upstairs _I don't even know you anymore, I want my wife back. _With that she walked up the rest of the stairs and into the bathroom. Ashley just sat and thought at what was just said _the wife you knew is dead _she thought.


	3. The Struggle

Spencer was looking in the mirror, with her hands on her cheeks pushing her face up and down. Not really knowing the person she saw. Her hair was dark which made her take a second look at herself. Her eyes were different she almost didn't recognize them. It was what Ashley did to her she tried to fight her so hard it took the life almost right out of her. She turned on the water and went back to the sink noticing a baggie out of the corner of her eye. She bent down to pick it up. _That would be mine! _Spencer jumped at the sound of the voice.

_This is my house and I don't want this shit in here Ashley _Spencer turned toward her holding the baggie in her hand

Ashley stood there laughing reaching for the bag, _You're too much Spencer as I recall I bought this house so if you think about it maybe you should get out if you don't like my lifestyle. Now stop playing around and hand it over_

_No! _

Ashley took a deep breath and looked at the ground _Spence I don't want to fight with you I just want my shit _

_Then you'll leave! Don't you have some girl to get back to or are there to many for you to remember._

_No there is only one girl for me and I here now and I am not going anywhere,_ Ashley said with a glare in her eye. _Just give me the bag so I can dump it down the toilet. _Ashley looked at Spencer with a sincere face

_Yeah right you actually want me to fall for that! _Spencer stood there wanting to believe but just couldn't read her eyes.

_Trust me Spencer!_

Spencer turned her body and was now facing the mirror looking at herself. She twitched when she felt Ashley up against her reaching for the baggie.

_Spence please! Look at me, what did you do this for I want it back the other way I want us back. _Ashley twirled Spencer's now almost black hair in her hands. Their eyes meet for a second and everything seemed right for a second.

Spencer couldn't take it Ashley was to close. She turned and pushed Ashley away _No I don't trust you and why should I._

_You shouldn't Spencer but trust yourself what else do you have to lose _Ashley said this to her while moving back into her and reaching for the baggie. Spencer gave up and watched as Ashley look at the baggie and turned toward the door _Ashley_ Spencer cried

Ashley stopped at that voice and turned back towards the toilet and lifted the lid dumping the baggie in and flushing it all in one motion. Ashley turned back around and said nothing just walked out the door leaving Spencer standing there in her tears with the shower water still running.

Ashley walked downstairs and looked around grabbing her cell phone and her drink. She sat down on the couch and dialed her managers number _Hey it's me I'm gonna stay home in L.A. for a while. Spencer needs me here with her I have to straighten some shit out before I can come back. _She didn't wait for a reply just hung up knowing he would protest her.

Ashley sat up a little and reached in her back pocket pulling out another white baggie. She almost forgot she had it, she tossed in on the table staring at it. It was the only thing that made Spencer hate her, her only indiscretion it was her weakness could she give it up or was she to weak to caught by its grasp. Her only hope was Spencer.

RING…RING

_Shit!! _Ashley was ripped out of her thoughts by the telephone.

_Hi this is Spencer, leave a message and I'll try to get back to you. _Beeppppp…Ashley smiled at Spencer's voice and wondered when she took their message off.

_Hi Spence it's me I was hoping we could get together later and finish what we started the other night k call me babe. _The girl spoke in a cute yet seductive tone that made Ashley's skin crawl.

Ashley looked at the phone almost wishing she could kill the girl on the other end. She stared at the machine for another second then realized what was just said. _This is great her ridiculing me and she's fucking around on me too, and what gives that bitch the right to call her Spence. _Ashley took a deep breath and looked upstairs then down to the table right at the baggie.

Ashley reached down for the bag and emptied it out on the glass countertop. Frantically searching for a piece of paper to cut a line she smiled when she had three lines cut out of the white powdery dust. She tilted her down she felt the dust seep into her nose and into her brain.

When Spencer was done with her shower she knew all her clothes were down in the laundry room so she slipped her robe on and traveled down the steps. To only see Ashley laying back on the couch, her eyes glanced at the table and she saw white powder everywhere. She knew something had happened her eyes fell back on to the girl.

Ashley said nothing when she looked up at Spencer only reached her hand over and pressed the play button on the answer machine and stared at Spencer for some kind of response. Spencer knew what had happened as soon as she heard the voice on the answering machine Ashley was high and pissed. The machine was done playing when Spencer began to speak

_I can explain Ashley please let me. _As Spencer was talking to Ashley she became mad and aggravated with every word coming out of her lover's mouth. She felt the drugs running through her like a steam train, She ripped the machine and phone off of the table and threw it in Spencer's direction and began to walk up to Spencer with her fists clinched.

_I don't want to hear you explain yourself you act as if you are a saint and your not are you? _Ashley was now up into Spencer body screaming.

_Ashley please we can talk about this I know your mad but…_Spencer was frantic now knowing she would lose Ashley if she couldn't settle down the situation

_But what I'm not allowed to get mad one question Spencer Is she good in bed? _Ashley asked grabbing Spencer by her sides almost in tears _It would have been a lot less painful for the both of us if you would have just said something._

Spencer was shaking from the confrontation knowing Ashley was a loose canon. She could feel the tightness Ashley had on her sides Spencer tried to break the hold but Ashley only tightened it. She knew Ashley would never hit her but she still was on edge because of the drugs.

_Ash! I never slept with her and I'm not planning on it she just…_

_What Spencer she was hot and there, she called you Spence and she called you babe. So what your lying to my face now this is a new one_ Ashley tone was harsh

_No Ash I mean yes she was there for me to talk to because you weren't but I never intended on anything to happen which it didn't _Spencer added quickly seeing Ashley eyes turn. _Can we just talk about this calmly? _Spencer asked hoping Ashley would let her go.

_No Spence isn't this what you want _Ashley opened Spencer's robe and pulled the naked girl toward her.

_It is Ashley but not like this _Spencer moaned at the hands that were clawing at her lower body.

Ashley wasn't listening to anything Spencer had to say she was hurt and high her hormones were taking over she needed to feel in control. Ashley pushed Spencer into the laundry room and up against the washing machine. Spencer protested and fought her with every step they took but Ashley was too strong for her.

Ashley began by sliding her hand down to Spencer's pussy and putting two fingers in then three she began sliding them in and out making Spencer gasp at the pain that was in between her legs, she lowered her head grabbing Spencer's breast in between her teeth and biting the nipple, making it bleed .

Spencer screeched in pain trying to push Ashley off of her. Ashley's hand started moving faster and harder the more Spencer struggled.

Soon Spencer's struggle turned into a hot wave of pleasure grasping the back of the washer she started to tense up and moan. I t didn't last long and Ashley backed off of her looking at Spencer as if she was crazed. She had the look of regret on her face Spencer tried to grab her but it was too late.

She turned and walked towards the door grabbing her car keys. Spencer stood up and ran towards the door only to hear car tires pealing away; she stopped and sat on the floor crying into her hands.


	4. Forgiveness

* * *

Ashley's been driving for the past hour, pretty much in circles, she knows in her heart that Spencer would never cheat on her, or hurt her the way she does to her. She's just mad at herself and she's taking it out on Spencer. She stopped her car in front of her sister's house debating on whether to go in or not, tears start to fall down her face as the realization of what just happened between her and Spencer hit her.

She kept hearing that woman that called for Spencer. _I deserve it I can't be mad at her for trying to find comfort in another, I haven't been there. _

She starts the car and drives to the night club she spent so many nights in the place that she sang her first song at and the place that gave her Spencer.

As she walks into the club she sees teens dancing and college kids drinking. The same bartender, standing behind the counter the one who was there every night she was, the only one she could spill her feelings to before Spencer and the one who made her follow her dream of being a musician showing off her talents, she owed her so much.

_Well well if it isn't the infamous Ashley Davies back in my little club, _the bartender smiled as she walked toward Ashley giving her a hug. _You look drained girl, you ok?_

The lady whispered in Ashley's ear.

_Yeah well I had a long flight, plus…_

_You and Spence got into a fight,_ the lady finished Ashley's sentence for her, she knew her very well.

_Yeah we did I think I really fucked up this time_ Ashley voice was a little cracked as she talked, she played with her fingers as if she was nervous.

_What happened Ash,_

_Well I'm a drug addict and a cheater, I hurt her bad this time._

_It can't be all that bad can it?_

_Yeah it is I took it to far! _She said as she took her shot of whiskey, and spun her chair around facing the stage.

_Can I sing, I need to chill out._

_Sure you can sing! _The bartender said as she walked out from behind the bar and up onto the stage.

Back at the house Spencer paced the floor, grabbing her cell, she called Kyla.

RING RING

_Hello_

_Hey Kyla is Ashley over there?_

_No she's not I talked to her when she first got home but not since! Why?_

_No reason! If she calls tell her I need her ok?_

_Yeah Spence whatever you need!_

Spencer hung up the phone and grabbed her car keys.

Ashley was finishing her song, when she saw the blonde come through the door. She smiled knowing the blonde was there for her, everything felt right when she saw her lover.

_I knew you would be here_ Spencer said as she walked up to Ashley, her face was distant no smile it didn't look as if she was mad.

_I didn't have anywhere else to go, _taking her shot of whiskey she had ordered before she went on stage.

Spencer grabbed the shot glass and held it up to the bartender. _Two more please!_

She turned back towards Ashley and sat beside her, the bar tender sat the shots down in front of them, smiling at Spencer and Spencer smiled back.

Ashley looked at Spencer puzzled trying to read her thoughts, but her eyes were blank.

_Why are you here Spence I think you should go back home you don't belong here._

Spencer grinned at Ashley and held her shot up taking it in one swig, with no face. _Maybe I do Ashley you've been gone a long time this is my spot now maybe you should leave. _She raised the shot back at the bartender.

Ashley was bewildered at this, _excuse me _was all she could say as she watched Spencer take another shot.

_Is this why Aiden called me home? He was worried about you drinking! _Ashley grabbed the shot glass from Spencer. _No more ok!_

_Well isn't this something miss coke head telling me I can't have a couple shots HA, I'm not the one with a problem you are I came her to make sure you didn't fuck up again._

_After everything that happened Spencer I wouldn't think you would care._

_I love you Ashley with all your insecurities and problems. I just want to go home ok!_

Spencer grabbed Ashley's hand and stood up turning around so she could grab her coat, she saw someone she didn't want to see. A dark haired girl skinny with so many curves you would get dizzy watching them all she was hot and very sexy.

_I call you today babe why didn't you call me and tell me you were coming. _The woman said to Spencer slowly running her hand on Spencer's. Spencer pulled away noticing Ashley watching the interaction.

_I umm…my wife is here so like I told you I'm not interested _looking back at Ashley to try to calm the situation, she felt Ashley's hand tighten against hers.

The girl leaned forward into Spencer's personal space, _I told you no one has to know there's no reason to be scarred, and you told me she was a bitch. _

Ashley couldn't take it anymore she let go of Spencer's hand and pulled her aside so she can be face to face with the girl.

_Say that to my face you whore _Spencer pulled Ashley back.

_Ashley let's just go _Spencer stepped in between the two, she turned to face the other girl _go home Tonya I told you no and I mean it so please just go I have enough problems I can't deal with your shit too! _Spencer grabbed Ashley and started for the door.

They were outside now by each others cars.

_What the fuck Spencer I thought nothing happened something so happened there._

_No Ashley nothing did let's just go I want to be home._

Ashley just nodded and got in her car; she knew there was more but why press her luck. She should be out in the cold after the way she treated Spencer, but hell she always did this. It would all be fine until the next time she snorted a line or shot up with some H. As they made their way in the house Spencer turned and stepped into Ashley.

_This has to stop Ashley, I need you here with me not in your drug induced coma's I hate you when your like that. I want you just like this sweet and some one who would never hurt me or pull the shit you did today, you're my wife I will stand by you through all your shit but this has got to stop the woman the drugs, it has to stop. _

Ashley stared into her blue eyes and she thought here it is my second chance or third well more like eighth, but here it was she loved me and wanted me to be with her. No more crap no more lies just us, could I do this. I love her so yes I can; I just hope I can be strong enough to fight the drugs, what happens when I go back on tour. _Ok Spencer let's go to bed. _


	5. A Confrontation

ok guys heres chapter five thanks to those people that reviewed but i haven't had alot so maybe i shouldn't continue let me now

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It's been two weeks or so since Ashley has come home to claim her life back. Ashley has noticed since they have made up that Spencer has been acting funny, like nothing ever happened. She has been ignoring the fact that Ashley is a drug addict who needs help.

She's throwing parties to keep herself busy, Ashley;s beginning to wonder if there is something Spencer is not telling her.

It's Memorial Day and Spencer invited her family and some friends over for a little B.B.Q, which is perfectly fine with me I just wish she would acknowledge me. I know this may sound a little like I'm insecure, but I wish she would realize that I am not ready for this. To be stared at by her family which they have always hated me anyway but still an asked so many questions I know I won't have the answers too.

I know this is a lot of stress for her hell I'm just use to being home everything is different and I'm trying to be a better wife to her, it's just really hard.

Don't get me wrong I love being home with Spencer I just miss the tour, I canceled it half way through and my fans their upset with me. I want to tell her how I feel but she won't let me talk, I think she is scared of what I might say or do.

People are starting to arrive I can here the chatter now filling my house, I watch the waves crash down and the dock, as the boat sways trying to get lose of it's chains. I wish I could go down there and take her out let her loose.

I close my eyes as I smell that familiar scent of her, I can feel her hands touch my shoulders, and her warmth nudge itself up against my lower back while her breast rub against my upper back.

I wish we could stay like this for ever, this is what I miss what we need. I feel her breathing as the warmth seeps down my neck and seems to land right between my legs. I want to take her in my arms now, but I know now is not the time.

_I always loved this view, it so peaceful! Are you going to come in now everyone is here?_

I wanted to tell her no, that we should tell everyone to go home and then make love all night, I knew that wouldn't fly.

_Yeah I'm coming if I must,_

_Stay out here then… whatever you feel you have to do. _She was angry I could see her eyes start to squint at me, she did this when I would act the way she didn't want.

_I'm sorry just tired and a little nervous, I'll follow you in ok? _

_Try to relax think of later when everyone leaves and its just me and you. _Spencer said to me as we walked in.

I wanted to scream, _later when Spencer when you are cleaning the dishes or cleaning something you have already cleaned twenty times already. When do we have time for anything. _

I was being a bitch to her and I knew it but I was sick of her always backing away from me. She didn't answer me just a simple _come in when your ready then._

I took a deep breath then slide the patio door open and slide inside, all eyes on me. I smiled and walked toward the kitchen, where her dad was stirring the pasta sauce she was cooking.

_Hi Ashley how are you this evening, _the smile on his face was genuine

_Oh I'm good you know just trying to stay outta trouble is all! _I was being a little bit of a smart ass. He never did anything to me besides try to help never criticized.

_Ok, So you and Spencer are better_

_Yeah sure if you all say so _I was sitting now at the counter watching him work his magic, sliding my bottle from side to side.

_What is that suppose to mean, I thought everything was better. _He was facing me now watching me fidget with the bottle.

_She's not telling me something and I'm trying to not pressure her but I'm starting to lose it._

_Ashley look at me, _

I look up at him, he looked almost as if he was going to shed a couple tears.

_You two have to talk otherwise history will repeat itself, and I know you two can not handle that, so you must talk._

_I know but she closed me out, she doesn't listen and I don't know how to get her attention. I think I have to go away for a while._

I looked back down and cracked the bottle of Jack; I've been playing with for the last 10 minutes. I poured a shot for him and one for me, smiling I asked

_Have one with me?_

_Sure I'll show you an old man can still shoot it back, but first I have to say I wish you would stay but whatever you and Spencer feel is best…. Cheers to it!_

_Cheers! _I said taking the shot up to my mouth throwing my head back, letting the liquor run down my throat. It left a burning sensation on my tongue and in my throat my belly began to get fuzzy warm, god I loved this feeling.

He smiled at me and went back to cooking; I poured another shot then another stopping at three.

I walked to the couch were Spencer was sitting with her mom and I think it was her aunt Helen I could be wrong though.

I stood behind her trying to take interest in their discussion but it just bores me. I start to rub her shoulders and she looks up at me with a smile, and then goes back into her conversation.

I lean down and kiss her neck then come up to her ear and whisper, _I need you!_

She shakes her head and excuses herself, I smile at her mother who is giving me the death look and grab her hand and walk away.

We walk outside on to the deck and she stops and turns to me her eyes sparkling in the moonlight, she looks very seductive right now. Focus….I say to myself.

_Seriously Ash is that all you think about! _Spencer wasn't smiling but she had a grin.

_What do you expect your hot!_

_We can't Ashley we have company now let's go. _She grabs my hand and tries to drag me inside.

_No come here just for a sec! _I say pulling here back.

_Mmmmph WHAT! _I let go of her and turn around she is yelling at me for wanting to kiss her.

_Ash come here sorry I just… we have company _

_No you have company and I don't want to be involved, I never said yes to a party._

_I never thought I had to ask to have my family over_

She steps into my face and grins _you've been drinking is that why you are crabby._

She's trying to shrink me belittling me make me feel weak again, I use to be the one in control when did I let this happen.

_Fuck you Spencer _she steps back shocked I stepped up to her. _What makes you so perfect?_

_Whatever Ashley I'm going inside before you hyperventilate, come in when you ready I'm sure my dad and you can enjoy taking shots and getting stupid drunk. _

She turned back to walk inside my mind was racing I wanted to grab her and pin her down make her talk to me without criticizing me. I stated to speak but she kept walking.

I knew there was only one way to get her attention.

_I'm leaving _


	6. Conversation

_

* * *

_

_I'm leaving! _She stopped I could feel her heart sink. I wanted to take it back but it was to late.

_Why? _Her back still faced me as she spoke!

_I feel suffocated like I don't know like your… I just don't know…_  
Ashley sighed she was lost for words she knew whatever she said it would come out wrong.

_Are you blaming me for this? _Spencer was mad almost yelling

_No I didn't say that…_I stopped and lifted my head to her.

_I think I need to go back to work sing again I know it might hurt me but this… sitting here it's killing me. _I watched her face as I said that it was as if I killed her, she knew what that meant and we both knew i wasn't ready

_Ashley I know it's hard but it will get better I promise, you have to talk to me we were doing so good. _I watched her talk, her lips were spewing bullshit.

I took a step forward shaking my head at her in disgust.

_Are you serious? I try to talk to you! You push me away and act as if I'm fine, we are not fine Spencer! _

She pushes past me almost in tears _I can't do this now Ashley we can talk later we have guests._

I can't believe she is doing this all the shit we have gone through and she is walking away, I know something is wrong with her. I can't think she actually doesn't care about us.

_Spencer… _She goes inside I can't let her get away with this she has to talk to me and it has to be now. I head inside I know her family is here but I just don't care.

_Spencer, I'm not done … _Spencer shook her head as I came to her and grabbed her waist pulling her close almost whispering to her _I have to do this Spencer we both knew it was coming. I know you hate it, you have to trust me, tell me what is going on. _

She pushed me away from her shaking her head

_No Ashley you don't get to do this, you can't ask me that._

_Why Spencer? _We were yelling at each other now her family starring at us.

_Fuck you Ashley! _

I kind of laughed in my mind Spencer just said fuck you to me I think this is a first. A smile graced my face and as she saw it, I think I pissed her off more.

She started to walk towards me with a evil look like she was going to kill me. I think I was smiling bigger, she just looked so hot when she was mad.

_You think I'm funny, I told you I didn't want to talk about this now! fine let's talk._

_When you left I was in pain a lot of pain and you could care less you went on with your whores and slept around leaving me here in this house all alone. _

_Spencer I'm sorry I was just…_

_Just what tryng to make a family right how can you do that when you not here._

_Spence I was doing that but I also wasn't thinking straight I was caught up in the drugs and the fame of it all._

_Keep making excuses Ashley! You know what?_

She stopped she was breathing heavy at first then she turned her back to me.

_Do what you have to do just let me tell you, I won't be here… I can't wait to see if you fuck up again. It was to hard it hurt to much my heart can't handle another headline of you laying on a couch with a whore next to you attached to your neck. _

I couldn't see her face but I knew she was in tears, that's why she turned she can't face me

_Spence please that won't happen, I think you know that! Tell me what is wrong with you now Spencer! _I grabbed her arm but she ripped it back away.

_God dammit Spencer what the hell is wrong with you? _I was starting to lose my composure I reached for her again this time a little harsher I seemed to forget her family, some have left some are still here.

_Let me go Ashley, _

_No talk to me! _

_Let me go NOW _

_I said no not until… _Her eyes meet mine and tears rolled down them but the look she was giving me was all anger. She stopped my words by saying something that made my skin crawl and right then I wanted to just smack her.

_I slept with Aiden, _she looked away then back at me _happy now_

I let go of her and I stepped backwards till my calves hit the couch I sat down and stared her down. I felt the need for a shot, actually for a bottle. I stood back up and she came to me trying to touch me.

_Don't _

She pulled away from me, I smiled at her mother.

_I bet you're happy?_


	7. My Drug

* * *

I wanted everyone out of my house, but I knew I couldn't tell them to go. I needed to leave, get out before I went crazy.

Paula grinned at me, which only heated my anger I wanted to strangle her. Spencer stood crying, I know I shouldn't be mad but Aiden my Aiden!

The same Aiden that she despised! All those years ago, now she's fucking him. Where in my house? In our bed? All these thoughts they were invading my mind clogging it. I needed to leave, I needed a fix. No I can't I promised I wouldn't not only to Spencer but to myself.

I opened the front door to only hear Spencer cry a little louder. I turned to look at her lying on the ground in her father's arms. I wanted so bad to go to her and hold her tell her everything would be fine, but I can't every time I look at her I see Aiden and it just infuriates me.

I turned back towards the door to leave and there stood Aiden with a smile and a bottle of cheap wine. I think I imagined lunging at him and punching him until his nose bleed. Because as I blinked and he still stood smile and no blood.

_Hey Ash, am I late?_

I let go a chuckle "_oh no Aiden you right on time! Spencer's inside, I'm sure she needs some comfort. _I took a step back into the house and waved him in.

He walked in and his eyes traveled to Spencer.

_What happened is everything ok? _He was looking at me

I smiled at him and turned my attention to Spencer.

_Hey babe! _She looked up at me; she saw Aiden standing next to me. She sent him a she knows look.

He turned back towards me.

_Ashley I'm sorry it was just… _he stuttered _just happened, it meant nothing._

_That's nice Aiden, so you two don't have anybody then! Not each other and certainly not me!_ I turned to Spencer as I said that.

She stood up and walked towards me tears still falling.

_Ashley you were gone I didn't think you were coming back, I was lost and scared, I needed comfort._

I started laughing it was uncontrollable she was rationalizing this in her own head, and it was my entire fault she slept with my best friend.

_Ok Spencer all my fault right! Well I'm glad you are happy now and I hope he comforts you when you're scared, he'll look he's here now to comfort you because I'm gone!_

I left I heard her crying and calling for me. I didn't turn back I didn't want to see her and him standing together.

I drove and drove, I ended up at the beach. I parked and got out to sit on my hood to watch the sun set and think of what just happened. "_God I missed this view"_

My cell phone started to ring I looked down and saw it was home. I reached for the debating on whether to answer it or throw it; I choose to turn it off. I couldn't talk to her right now; it was to early needed time.

Now! I know that I slept with other women hell lots of women, while I was married to Spencer. I think I know how she felt seeing me with all those women. I'm not her though I can't forgive that easily, it's not in my blood I'm not built that way.

I sat there for another hour or so watching the sun and the people on the beach. I needed a drink something to take the edge off and I knew that liquor was the only choice.

I rented a room at the local motel, less people, no paparazzi and quietness that's what I needed. I shuffled through my trunk hoping I left some clothes in here. We always left extra clothes in the trunk just incase of crisis, well this was one.

"_Bingo" _I said out loud!

A pair of sweats and a tank I grabbed them, my Jack and headed towards my motel room or jail cell as I will call it.

I took a shot before changing, I went to the bathroom and looking in the mirror I almost didn't recognize me. My eyes were swollen outlined with black; my hair was crazy little pieces sticking up everywhere. I looked like a junkie who needed a fix, hell I felt like it too.

I was dressed and sitting on the so called bed. I would do better sleeping on the ground. The blankets smelled like mildew, so I can just imagine what the pillows smell like.

I stood and went to the little table by the corner to pour myself another shot, I relaxed in the seat and I heard a crinkle from my sweats. I reach in to the pocket and pulled out a sulivane wrapper with three little rocks. They were mine from before I left I remember now! Spencer was coming so I just tossed them in the pocket. I sat it down on the table and stared at it for a minute, the drug I craved for is sitting right in front of me.

_Should I no" maybe a little, no! _I battled with myself as the bottle of liquor slowly disappeared. I reached for my phone and dialed the first person I thought of.

RING…RING!

_Hello? _A groggy voice answered!

_I'm sitting here with a almost empty bottle of Jack and three rocks!!! I feel betrayed and hurt! How do you feel?_

_Ashley? _They asked but I didn't answer

_Where are you I'm coming to get you? _They replied

_Are you with her is she there in bed with you, laying there with her hair on your shoulder, can you feel her breathing in you're ear. _My voice never cracked

_It just happened Ashley once! That's it no more it meant nothing!_

_Ok Aiden keep saying that but I don't but it maybe with her but not with you! You wanted to get back at me for all the shit I did to you, that's why you called me._

_No!!! he screamed I called you because she needed you!_

_To what tell me about you so you could suck it up and say you got one over on me?_

_Fuck you Aiden!! I was yelling now._

_Ashley what that's not it, it was about her!_

"_Goodbye Aiden"_

_Ash_

I heard him start to say my name but it was too late I already threw my phone to the other side of the room.

I looked at the rocks; I stood and went to the bathroom grabbing the screen and the cap from the faucet. I caught a glimpse of my face in the mirror and stopped I stared for a second. _"Fuck It" _I said to myself.

I went back to the table and grabbed the pen. I took the tube and ripped the ink and tip off, putting the screen at the top and wrapping it so it stayed. I then grabbed the cap and put a rock in it lighting it with my lighter so it heated and began to smoke. I then put it on the screen and starting to inhale the smoke.

I dropped the tube as I felt the drugs pour through my body. It sent my body into a state of shock. Everything went quiet my head fell back a little and my eyes rolled to the ceiling, I was numb. I didn't want to be this numb I wanted to remember, but all thoughts were gone, the only thought I had was to pick it up and hit it again. I bet down to pick it up and something happened.

My phone that was across the room started ringing, Spencer is all I thought.

I crawled across the floor picking up my phone the screen flashed "Spencer Calling"

I needed to answer because I needed her all thoughts were her.

_I need you _I was frantic

_Where are you? _She was not yelling but her voice was stern

_The motel #42_

_Hold on I'll be there in five ok?_

_I can't _I hung up the phone and looked back at the tube.


	8. Too Much

* * *

Knock…Knock

I heard the door but I couldn't get up my mind was there but my body was gone. I tried to get up the farthest I got was pulling myself to the bed and falling on it, damn those drugs are really kickin my ass or maybe it was the Jack. The knocking soon became banging with someone yelling my name.

_Ashley open the door, Ashley Please!_

I knew that voice it was Spencer,

_Spencer?_ I asked my voice was slurred but you could still understand me!

_Yes! Open the door now_

_I can't _

_Ashley get your ass up and open the door I need you to get up and walk to the door!_

I heard her words and they pushed me to get up, it took a minute because I couldn't seem to find the door.

I opened it and there she stood with a frown on her face but yet you could still see the tears that spilled from her eyes not more then five hours ago. I felt guilty for all I've caused her or should I say causing her. She saw I was pretty messed up I wanted to hug here but she pushed me back into the room, which sent me falling backwards onto the floor.

_What is your problem? First sign of trouble and you what turn back to your heroin?_

She was seething anger at me no more tears will come from her eyes not now at least.

I started to grin as much as the drugs would let me, I held my arm up. _No sorry to disappoint but no marks here._

Her eyes turn their focus to my feet, I roll my eyes at her.

_No none there either!_

She walked over me and went to the table sliding the empty bottle of Jack across the table. She stopped I knew she seen it, she had to of, and then I saw her with it twisting it in her hand.

_Tell me what this Ashley?_ She was calm not raising her voice.

_It's a pen _

_I know that but what is in it?_

My vision blurred I was dizzy and I wasn't even standing. I could see her but it was as if she was swaying from side to side everything was fading. Her talking went from clear to muffled to an echo. I wanted to move or at least my mind was telling me too but my body wouldn't let me. It was like my mind and thoughts were all with me but I had no way to scream or move.

I felt a sharp pain on my face, then a tingling sensation in my legs and chest. It felt like I was in a rainstorm, the constant sensation of raindrops. My chest tightened and I began to shake, was having a seizure or what felt like one. My eyes began to see blurs again I saw a figure standing over me. I heard an echo of a cry and what sounded like my name.

When my eyes finally did open I saw lights tiled on what I think is a ceiling everything was white. I wanted to say something call out a name but my throat burned and I felt like I had a wedge in it. I got a little scared like I couldn't breath, but when I turned my head everything came back.

Spencer was sitting in the chair in the corner of the room sound asleep. She had her feet up on the nightstand with a blanket pulled up to her chin. She looked so peaceful content in her sleep. All the thoughts that were racing through my head only one real scared me I overdosed and Spencer watch the whole thing. She must have been so scared how I could have been so dumb to call her and tell her to come to me I don't know.

Her and Aiden sleeping together hurt me but I never meant to hurt her. I could get over her and him but will she be able to get over seeing me like this.

I spotted the nurses call button and pressed the button. It was a minute before the nurse came. She knocked which I thought was dumb since I had a tube in my throat. I seen her head peek in before she opened the door. She came to my bed grabbing my chart from the side of my bed and flipping the pages.

_Ok so we're going to take that tube out of your throat now ok?_

I nodded at her. A lady walked in she must be my doctor because she's in a white coat.

_Hi Mrs. Davies glad to see you awake, you had a rough one. So when I pull the tube out I need you to try to cough ok?_

I shook my head at signaling her I understood, she turned around to talk to the nurse. I caught a glimpse of Spencer out of the corner of my eye she was sitting up. She stood up and came to my bedside not smiling or frowning that scared me; she had no emotions towards me. The doctor turned and noticed her,

_Oh Mrs. Davies your awake, hope you slept well! We'll be taking the tube out now._

_Yeah um so do I have to stay here for this, _she asked her voice was low.

The doctor was a little shocked by Spencer,

_Um no you can go to the waiting room I'll send someone when we are done._

_Thanks, _Spencer replied looking down at me. her eyes were telling me so many things I hurt her, but worse then that she felt guilty like this was her fault. Which it was no where close to being right! I felt her hand rub against mine as she began to turn and walk away. I quickly grasped her hand holding on to her not letting her leave. She narrowed her eyes on me "_Ashley let go". _

I wanted to tell her no and to please stay but I couldn't so I just squeezed harde. She rolled her eyes at me and took a deep breath "_Fine". _My eyes smiled at her and she just shook her head.

The doctor came above me.

_Ok Ashley in 3 I want you to cough_

_1…2…3… _she pulled it out and I felt like puking I can't even explain what it felt like.

_Good Ashley, here's some ice chips take it easy no talking for an hour or two ok._

I tries to say yes but it was more like a shriek, the pain wasn't that bad t was like I had a brillo pad in my throat just uncomfortable. She smirked at me and squeezed my hand winking at me. I'm sure she has had many overdose patients, she probably is sad when she sees it.

Spencer stood above me just watching them leave. Once they were one her gaze turned toward me. She let go of my hand and sat back down in her chair opening the magazine she must have been reading. She smacked the magazine against her leg twice, and then looked up at me. She couldn't hold in her anger at me anymore.

_I can't believe you did this Ashley, you can't do that to me anymore. I was so scared right now I want to hug you and smack you at the same time. Why are you so stupid?_

Her eyes stared into mine and I could see that she was tired her once perfect eyes were deserted, all the life sucked out of them.

I want to tell her how sorry I am and that I am stupid for ever picking up that pipe again, but I can't. I mouthed for her to come to me but she shook her head no, please I said. I watched a single tear stream down her face.

_I can't _she said

Please! I mouthed to her again. This time she stood up and came to me, she is too tired to fight and I now that. I grab her hands and pull her to me making her get in the bed with me. I put my hand on to her face and she presses into my hand. I wipe the tears she has on her face with my other hand. She leans down and kisses me; the warmth from her lips was making me quiver. It's been so long since I've actually felt her.

She nuzzles into my neck placing her hand on my heart.

_I love you I need you here as my wife! _She whispered to me

_Love you two wife! _I say I know she heard me when she sighed.

She fell asleep soon after that, I'm sure she was exhausted having to watch me fight for my life all night. It had to have been hard to see me at my worst like that so fragile. I'm guessing it was pretty bad I know I smoke those 3 rocks and the bottle of Jack was empty.

It's ok though I'm here, Spencer is fine. We just need time to let ourselves heal. It will be hard for her to get over this but I know as long as we have each other we can beat anything.


	9. Waking Up

I didn't get much sleep last night with the nurses coming in every hour. I suppose they were on suicide patrol, even though I would never literally kill myself but they don't know that. My arm itches like hell from the I V they have stuck in me. I can't itch it either because Spencer is laying my other arm. I know if I move it she will wake up and I want her to sleep. She looks so peaceful, she has a little grin on her face that makes me wonder what she is dreaming.

I hear a knock at my door then it cracks open and there Aiden stands staring at me. His eyes are glazed over with tears and sleep. I know he has been worried about me but I can't help him with that I am still mad at him for what he did. I know I called him and played his guilt against him which made him feel more at fault for me being in here. He starts to take tiny steps into my room never losing eye contact with me he scared I can see it.

_Hey _he stops at the foot of the bed

_What do you want Aiden? _His eyes fell to his hands which were fiddling with the water container.

_I just wanted to see if you ok, I'm so sorry Ash! _

I didn't say anything just looked over at Spencer who was beginning to wake. What can I say to him I don't forgive him and I don't understand why he would do this to me? I guess I can accept his apology but it won't solve anything.

_Ashley please you have to talk to me you can't just ignore me! _

_What do I say Aiden, ok I know your sorry and I'm sure you feel like shit but I can't help you with that you did this you. _I was starting to get upset I was shaking, I felt Spencer move and sit up she was shocked to see Aiden here.

_Why are you here Aiden? I think you should leave _she says to him

_Why me you did this too not just me? _He's getting defensive I know Aiden to well he feels like he's being picked on.

_Because she's not ready to see you look at her Aiden! _She says pointing toward me

I just sit there shaking my head watching them try to protect me from each other when in reality I just want to be away from them both. I need to be the one to protect myself from them the drugs and myself.

A nurse walks in I buzzed her to come while they were bickering I needed a shower and to pee. The nurse smiles and comes to my side helping me up. _How about I leave you to alone? _I say getting up

Spencer stands up and comes to try to help me

_I got it Spence! _I say to her

_What are you doing Ash?_

_I have to shower some time Spence an I overdosed it's not like I had brain surgery! _I say to her with a smile trying to assure her I was ok.

I stop in front of Aiden looking at him trying to read him _thanks for coming Aiden I do appreciate it but right now I can't do this ok. _

_Ok Ash just get better please and call me when your ready I want us to be friends again._

I nod my head and begin to walk again, my feet feel funny I still feel weak from the drugs as I walk I can feel myself leaning more and more on the nurse. She gets me in and I sit down on the toilet.

_I got it from here _

_Are you sure I can stay and help you _

_No I got it_

She nods and walks out leaving me alone finally. I stand holding myself up at the sink; I can't help but look at my reflection in the mirror. I look old ware out I should look lively like a 24 year old rockstar who is married to a beautiful women but here I am a 24 year old drug addicted rockstar who is married to a cheater.

I laugh to myself "I'm no better then her"

I'm rattled out of my thoughts by the desire to have hot water running on my body. I reach behind me to undo the tie that is holding my ass showing nightgown up. A weak sensation racks my arms and I feel weak my fingers fall from the tie and come back to my front.

"_Fuck" _I scream!

I take a deep breath and try again, I see the door crack open and Spencer walks in meeting my eyes. She sees the frustration on my face and steps forward into my back pushing my hand away. She unties my nightgown and slides it off my shoulders letting it hi the ground.

I look at her in the mirror she is already staring back at me eyes full of want. I feel her hands touching the side of my waist, the smell of her a mint she must have just ate on her breath. I close my eyes and let out a sigh biting my lower lip then shaking my head.

_Ash _I hear her call me _look at me_

I open my eyes; they immediately find hers there filled with tears now all the pain that has been caused the last year is finally surfacing in her. She is filled with anger and disappointment it's all pointed at me I can handle that but it's what she wants right now that scares me.

_Spencer we can't do this now_

_Yes we can_

_No I can't not now, not when you are hurting_

_It will take it away!_

_No it will only hide it!_

She bows her head and kisses my shoulder taking a step away, she reaches for the nozzle and turns the shower on. She starts to take her clothes off

_Spencer I … _

_Shhh… _she says putting her finger to her mouth and smiling _I only want to help you!_

I smile at that and walk towards her leaning into her meeting her lips. I pull back before anything heated happens, which makes her groan a little. I smile and step in the shower

**

* * *

i know it's short but not a lot of time time write these days so i hope you like a shower scene is next whoooo**


	10. The Complete Shower

She stepped in the shower and I instantly felt a sensation run through me. I knew that it was me just wanting her it was Spencer after all I never could keep my hands off of her.

She grabbed the shampoo and started washing my hair, it felt too good. Maybe what felt good was her bare body pressing up against mine her breast bouncing off my back as she washed my hair?

I needed to touch her but I knew that we weren't ready for this to fall back into our cycle. I had to be the strong one since I felt like the one with the problem I didn't want to hurt her again. But she kept touching me, she was driving me crazy I was starting to forget why we were even fighting.

"_Ash?"_

"_Mmmm" _she pulled me out of my daze

"_Will you do me now?"_ She handed me the shampoo

"_Oh yeah sorry" _I grabbed the shampoo and started to wash her hair, she was moaning a little which was not helping me.

"_Done" _I said

"_Hey Ash" _she started to kiss my neck

"_Spencer please you know I can't say no to you when your naked"_

"_I know you can't that's why I am naked" _smiling she took a step closer to me

Her lips meet mine and it felt all too familiar I was caving I needed to run but I was trapped. I gave in to her for what seemed like an eternity. We kissed soft at first then it lead to heat and passion. I felt her hand brush my thigh and I instantly moaned, she took that as a hint to go further up my thigh letting her fingers explore.

I jumped back at this out of the shower

"_I can't" _I meet her eyes and saw the sadness in them; I got out of the shower wrapping myself in the towel. I wanted to get away from her but I knew I needed help back to the bed. The drugs still were messing with my head and my knees felt weak, jelly like.

I watched her from the mirror as she stepped out of the shower, her eyes were down and her lips were pressed together I knew she was angry with me.

She never said a word just got dressed and then guided me back to the bed. I was sitting up in the bed watching her flip through a magazine. I was about to say something when the nurse walks in

"_How was the shower" _she asked while she fidgeted with the blood pressure machine.

"_Good" _I answered

"_Ok well you seem tip top so tomorrow you'll talk to the shrink then you should be released." _She said smiling at me

"_Great can't wait for that" _

She laughed and walked out

Spencer never looked up at the nurse or me for that matter. I knew she was upset about the shower but there was something more.

"_What is wrong Spencer I thought we agreed to take it slow for a while?"_

She didn't answer just kept reading; I can play the silent game too. I turned the T.V on flipping through the channels I felt her eyes on me. She hated when I continued to flip, so I stop on M.T.V nothing on just Wild – N – Out which I loved but I knew she hated it so I flipped more VH1 nothing but old videos. I went to the news and just left it there. I saw her watching it getting interested so I changed it. I heard her sigh; she got up and went to the bathroom.

She must have been in there for twenty minutes. I was starting to get worried when she came out. She whipped the door open quickly coming right at me I seen her eyes she had been crying in there and she was extremely pissed.

"_I'm your wife Ashley like it or lump it I stuck through all your shit let you have me when I didn't want you. Aiden was…was Aiden and it happened I'm sorry for that and so is he, it's time to grow up and deal with it. I hate that you do drugs and drink but I know that's just you. I made mistakes and I have dealt with all them, I never hide behind drugs or the I need time shit I was here right here next to you but you were never there. So I can't..."_

She stopped talking for a second to catch her breath or maybe because she didn't want to say this I don't know but I felt lost like she was finally done with all my shit and maybe it was for the best. Maybe her mother was right I am not good enough for her, not strong enough I rely on her too much.

" _I can't be here not know you need to do this yourself for once and maybe I'll be there when you get home but I'm broke you broke me. I can't watch this anymore!" _

I was speechless lost in what she said I broke her, and maybe she'll be there.

"_Spencer please don't do this I know I fucked up but I thought we were ok ready to move on"_

"_I can't"_

"_You're giving up on me on us we're married for better or worse!"_

"_It's not good for me to be in this stress"_

She put her head down and started to cry I don't understand her right now she was happy last night begging for forgiveness and now she's leaving me.

"_What does that mean" _I asked trying to get up

"_Don't get up you'll fall" _she came toward me reaching out to grab my arm.

I grabbed her back not letting her go _"Ashley stop it let me go I can't do this I know you'll never change." _She wasn't lying I knew she was scared of me never changing always going from place to place and never stopping.

"_Feel this Spencer" _I put her hand on my heart and her other one on my face _"I can't live without you I'll die." _She tried to pull away but I wouldn't let her "_Stop fighting me you won't win"_

"_Ashley stop! I can't, see you always have to do this I don't want this I want to go home" _

I wasn't letting her go, that is until she started to puke. She ran to the bathroom and I slowly followed her, I pulled her hair back for her. When she was done she just sat on the floor her breathing was heavy. I tried to sit down next to her but I couldn't so I just knelt down rubbing her shoulders.

"_Are you ok babe?" _I asked

She shook her head _"No!"_

"_What is going on with you?" _

"_Don't worry about it Ashley I'm fine" _She got up and sort of knocked me over I grunted a little and she stopped _"Shit sorry" _

"_No I'm fine, are you" _

She helped me up and back to the bed _"Spencer stop helping me and tell me what is going on, I am still your wife and if something is wrong with you I need to know"_ I said sitting down

She grabbed her coat and bag along with her keys, _"I'll call you later ok" _she said looking at me from the door.

"_No kiss goodbye or even a smile" _I said pouting a little

She groaned and came back by me _"One kiss and don't try to grab my hands I'm not staying here tonight, I just want to go home"_

"_Ok damn" _

She leaned down to kiss me she did smell of vomit but at this point I didn't care. The kiss was soft no lust or passion in it but it was filled with love and I could tell that she wanted more.

"_I love you"_

"_I love you too Ash"_

She started to the door but I stopped her _"Hey if something is wrong you'd tell me right no matter what?"_

She turned to face me her head was down. She came back to me sitting on the bed next to me. She looked down at my hands taking one in hers. _"I will tell you but right now I can't you need to get better so we can talk and be able to scream and cry not worry about depression or hurt feelings."_

"_What does that mean Spencer is it that bad?"_

I think my question got to her a little why I don't know, but she looked up at me and sort of smiled.

"_It could be bad or it could be great I don't know yet!" _she got up letting my hand fall leaning down she whispered "_I love you forever" _then she kissed my cheek.

"_I'll call you to see when you need to be picked up tomorrow" _and with that she was out the door leaving me to wonder what the hell was going on.


	11. The talks

I sat up for a while watching T.V and trying to decide what I really wanted with my life. Spencer was right she is always here for me when I fuck up even if I hurt her. She's the best thing I have in my life and I have to find a way to make her stay with me.

The nurses kept coming in and making sure I was ok, suicide watch still. I go see the shrink in the morning hopefully he'll realize I was just stupid not suicidal.

The news is on and I am barely paying attention that is until they flash a picture of me. I turn it up listening to them say how I tried to commit suicide. They go to a news lady who is standing at the hospital surrounded by other reporters. The camera man zooms in on the door and there she is Spencer being asked questions about me. _"Why did she try kill herself are you two over?"_ "_How did she do it pills?" "Did she slit her wrists?" "Is she going to do her next tour?" _

Millions of questions she just kept her head down and my security lead her to the car. She never told me about them why? Is this the stress she was talking about? The reporter went back to the studio were they laughed at me, I love the entertainment business always up in our shit nothing better to do.

I picked up the phone to call my lawyer but ended up calling Spencer.

**RING…..RING….RING**

Nothing the answering machine, "_Spencer please call me when you get this I have to know your ok I saw the news why didn't you tell me?"_

"_Hello" _she was groggy like I just woke her up

"_Hey why didn't you say anything?"_

"_Because Ash I knew you would get pissed its ok I can handle it!" _

"_True but still I should no these things, you told Kip to not tell me didn't you?" _I asked already knowing the answer she always could get my manager and crew to keep shit from me.

"_Of course Ashley now go to bed big day tomorrow, seeing the shrink and all"_

"_Hey I didn't try to kill myself I was just careless you know that right"_

I heard her take a deep breath _"I don't know I just think you need to stop the drugs and get help I need you here sober the smart cute Ashley"_

"_Are you saying I'm not cute now?"_

She giggled a little _"You know what I mean Ashley!"_

"_I'm going back to sleep now I'll come get you tomorrow just call me let me know what time." _

I hated that we had this thing between us, we could talk for hours at a time and not want to let each other go. Now she doesn't want to talk for five minutes.

"_Fine, Goodnight!" _ Sadness came from my voice

"_I love you" _I think she tried to cheer me because her words carried out.

"_Yeah me too" _

She sighed before hanging up the phone.

The night drug on I tossed and turned slowly falling into a sleep until a nurse came in. I was ready to strangle them! I must have fallen asleep somewhere between two and three.

I awoke at seven to a nurse standing at the end of my bed. She saw me wake and smiled showing me the clipboard. _"Your paperwork is done; you'll see Dr. Fry at nine so try to be packed and ready." _

"_Ok" _I waited for her to leave before I reached for the phone. I wanted to call her but something told me not to.

I was all packed when the Doc knocked on my door letting himself in _"Hi" _he said

"_Hey" _I felt kind of nervous talking to him

He came and pulled the chair up to the bed facing me

"_So Ashley how have you been since your incident, are you feeling alone maybe different?" _he fidgeted with his notebook

"_Um no I feel ok" _I kept my eyes on his hands

"_How is your wife handling this?"_

"_I don't really know I think she is upset with me for not talking to her about our problems!" _

He didn't say anything just wrote little notes on his pad I think we sat there for ten minutes or so till I started talking again.

"_You know I really wasn't trying t hurt myself, I was just really upset and I drank too much. I didn't realize what I was doing." _I finally looked up at him, he looked a lot like Spencer's dad exept he had a mustache and was a little chubby.

"_Is that how you feel?"_

"_Yes it's what I feel and know"_

He just shook his head nodding at my statement _"So Ashley what are you going to do when you get out of here?"_

I didn't understand why he was asking me this, it has nothing to do with why I am in here now. _"Um I don't know go home try to work all this out with Spencer"_

"_No I mean drugs, alcohol are they still going to be on your list of tings to do"_

I was quiet for a minute trying to think of what to say I knew crack was out of the question but alcohol I didn't know if I could give up.

"_I'm done with all of that I just want my life back!"_

"_So does that involve going back to work?" _he finally was looking up at me like this was the ultimate question

"_I haven't really thought about it much, I mean yes I'll go back but when I don't know!" _I was starting to feel suffocated by his entire question my leg started to shake and fingers fiddled with the blanket.

"_Ok I have one more question for you then you should be able to go."_

"_Ok ask away" _

"_Why do you think you ended up in the hospital?"_

This was a question I had to think about I knew why I was here but really why. I ran my hand through my hair and tried not to make eye contact with him.

"_I think I fucked up, took what happened and went nuts with it. I wasn't thinking, I needed to push it all away get the world out of my thoughts. I stopped caring for a minute and my world went to shit, I was hurt. I realize now what really happened why I am here."_

He waited for me to start again but I didn't so he grinned at me

"_What did you realize Ashley?"_

"_I realized that I can't stop Spencer from hurting or even myself, but I can help by being true and not so dumb, I realize that my music is a dream I had and now I am living it so maybe I should focus on it being my dream and not a job."_

I think he bought all my shit I mean I believed it but I did sugar coat some of it. I can always say things to make people happy and I knew that's what he wanted to hear.

"_Ok Ashley I hope you stay healthy I'm going to set you up with a guy I know he can help you. He'll let you talk, he can be your vent." _He fumbled with his pen and pad _"I'm writing you a prescription for your depression, I want you to take this once day"_

"_Ok, so I'm free to go?" _I asked grabbing the paper

"_Yes as soon as they sign your release papers, you're good to go" _he smiled and stood up

"_Thanks" _I smiled and reached my hand out to him

"_No problem I enjoyed our little chat" _he shook my hand

I watched him leave and then went to the phone. I calmed Spencer to come get me but it just rang and rang. I hung up and waited a minute before calling back, this time she picked up.

"_Hold on" _she yelled

"_Hello" _I think she put me on hold

"_Hey Ash" _

"_Chelsea what are you doing there?"_

"_Oh Spencer is sick I going to come get you"_

"_What is wrong with her is she ok where is she? _I know my voice seemed a little wrecked with worry.

"_Don't worry I think she has the flu!" _she said to e in a reassuring voice _"You need me to come now?"_

"_No stay there with her I'll get a cab" _

"_Ashley she'll freak! No I'll be there in twenty!_


	12. The Truth

I sat on the bed waiting for Chelsea to come the twenty minutes she said felt like hours. I just wanted to go home be with Spencer fix all of this mess. I flipped through the channels on the T.V nothing on which figures T.V is really boring in the afternoons.

I heard footsteps in the door, Chelsea stood there smiling waving her keys _"Ready to escape from this prison?"_

"_God yes, what took you so long? Is Spencer ok?" _I grabbed my bag from the floor and turned the T.V off.

She grabbed the plant _"I know sorry but Spencer had me got to the store first for some Tylenol and traffic is a pain right now!" _we walked out of the room.

"_I think I have to sign something" _walking to the desk were all the nurses set

"_Hi do I just leave or is there paperwork?" _I asked the one nurse who wasn't on the phone or eating. She didn't smile just handed me the paper.

"_Sign here then you can go" _she was mean. I hated nurses

"_Ok then" _I signed it and handed it back to her turning and looking at Chelsea who was rolling her eyes, I started to laugh.

"_That lady was a bitch" _she says to me opening the door to the outside

"_You think so?" _I smiled and walked out after her

The car ride home was quick all the traffic was coming to the city, everyone had to work you know. Chelsea talked about her art work most of the ride I was dazed really not paying any attention to her.

"_Earth to Ashley_" flicking her fingers in my face

I came to it _"Sorry I must have nodded out" _smiling at her I shook my head

"_You can tell me what is going on you know"_

"_Yeah I know just don't feel like it right now, but I will keep it in mind"_

I was totally dodging her,

She didn't say anything the rest of the way I think she realized that I just wanted to chill and not talk. We pulled in to the driveway and I was frozen Spencer told me she couldn't be with me anymore maybe I shouldn't even be here. No she's sick she'll need me now, at least I'll have time.

I heard the door shut and Chelsea bent down looking in the window _"Coming?"_

"_Yeah" _I got out and we walked to the door I took a deep breath before entering

I looked around for Spencer but I figure she's in bed. Chelsea was in the kitchen fiddling with something I followed her in. _"Hey you can go now I think I can handle her now, but thanks for every thing!" _Leaning against the counter she handed me some Tylenol.

"_Ok tell Spence I'll call her later!" _grabbing her keys she left

"_Ok bye Chelsea" _I yelled from the door as she drove off.

I shut the door, taking my time I making it upstairs. I wanted to see her I just hoped she wanted the same. I heard a noise from the bathroom I knew she must be puking. I ran in there setting the Tylenol down and grabbed a cool wet cloth to put on her neck, her hair was already up in a pony tail.

When she was done she got up and rinsed her mouth out not making eye contact with me. She pulled the cloth off her neck and sat it back down. _"Thanks" _she said in a low voice before walking out and going back to the bed.

I just watched her walk back, she was acting more then just sick like maybe it was more then just the flu. I went to the bed and sat down she just rolled on her side her back facing me.

That hurt me that she didn't want to even see me I knew I had to just give her time.

"_I'm going to take a shower Spence you need anything?" _She didn't answer me. So I got up and went to the other side of the bed were her face was hiding under the blanket. I pulled it down and I saw her face she was full of tears and her face was scrunched like she was trying to not let me hear her.

I wiped the tears from her face, which only made her cry harder. My stomach was in knots I didn't understand what was going on.

"_Awww…Spencer please tell me what it is babe?" _she didn't say anything just cried harder.

I figured it was me so I got up to go take a shower when I felt her hand on my arm. I looked down and she looked so sad and a little lost. I don't know what is going on but I think it is pretty bad.

"_Stay" _she to me I could barely hear her, with all the sobbing.

I quickly got in bed and laid next to her, she draped her leg on mine and then put her head in the crack of my neck. I wrapped my arms around her back to try to comfort her. Her crying slowed now that I was there. I think she must have felt comfortable save I hoped.

We laid there for well over an hour just holding each other it felt good we haven't done this since high-school. I almost didn't want to ruin it but I knew I had to ask her or she would never tell me what was going on in her head.

"_Spence" _I waited for her to answer me but she didn't I knew she wasn't sleeping. She snores and she's not right now so I know she's faking. I shook a little _"Spence I know your not sleeping"_

She rolled off me _"Fine Ashley go take you're shower!" _

I hovered over her for a second _"I want you to talk to me tell me what is wrong?"_

She finally opened her eyes and looked at me _"I have nothing to say right now." _She closed her eyes again and showed me her back _"Just go take a shower you smell like hospital." _Her voice was muffled since her head was dug into the mattress, but I could tell she smirked a little at herself.

"_Ok funny Spence funny, I'm going" _smiling I walked into the bathroom

I left the door open since she was puking and I didn't want her to run down the hall. I was washing my hair thinking of what I could possibly do to not have to go back on tour so soon.

I had a week left then I had to go or my label would pretty much freak, Spencer I know will freak. Maybe I can get her to go with me it won't hurt to ask right. That would be insane though the way girls are all over me. I think she would kill one or ten of them, plus the groupies I slept with most of them I know she would definitely freak, so maybe not such a good idea.

I felt a hand grab my arm I quickly turned around opening up my eyes, not such a good idea when you have shampoo on your face. _"Shit owww Shit" _the shampoo got in my eyes and it burned.

"_Sorry" _I heard it that voice the stinging stopped and I opened them. There she stood naked and vulnerable to me.

"_It's ok no biggie" _I said smiling

She grabbed my hand and turned into me her back touching my front. I felt her shake a little, she was scared of something.

"_What is wrong babe you're shaking?" _I said trying to make her face me but she stood her ground.

"_Ash stop!" _she grabbed my hand back and put it on her belly. _"Feel" _

My hand rubbed her belly it didn't register to me at first, but then it was like a kick in the teeth I felt a bump and that bump was her stomach. I was shocked I stopped my hand and pulled it away spinning her around and this time she let me.

Her eyes had tears in them again she was scared of me of what I would say to her. She looked down _"I'm sorry." _

I put my hand under her chin and lifted it up making her look at me. I felt myself start to smile and she grinned at me like she knew what I was thinking.

"_No reason to be sorry Spencer, You and Aiden will be wonderful parents!" _I kissed her on her cheek and stepped out of the shower. I wasn't mad at her for being pregnant I was mad for her not telling acting like she was mad at me when really she was guilty of sleeping with Aiden and getting pregnant from it. All the lies they have to stop some time.

"_Ash come on I want to discuss this" _she steps out of the shower after me.

I kind of laugh at her statement _"Now you want to discuss this we'll I don't"_

She grabbed a towel and covered herself up _"Finish you're shower you still have shampoo in you're hair." _I walked toward her she reached out to me _"Aiden and I won't be parents I'm your wife not his, he wants nothing to do with this!"_

I shook my head _"So he knew all this time,_" I smacked her hand away _"Nice Spencer just Nice." _I got in the shower _"Please just go let me be in peace let me think" _I closed the door and let the water run over me.

All the times in the world I have to be on the mend. I just needed to escape but I knew if I did I would lose her forever.


	13. A Breakdown

When I finished my shower I sat in the bathroom thinking for a while. I wanted this with her we always have but am I ready to be a mom yet? Aiden is the father which means he will want to be a part of this. I know him to well, he won't just let it go. He has a thing for my wife I've known that for a while now he has a reason to be close. I have an issue with this whole thing I have to go back to work and I won't leave her here to be watched by Aiden. I have to tell her but how and when now or after I chat with my "best friend Aiden"

I opened the door to see her sleeping on the bed, she looks so peaceful and happy. Her feet are hanging off the bed a little bit and she has her arm over her face all I can see is her lips. I want to kiss them but I know, I have to resolve this issue before I cave in to her.

I cover her before I grab my keys. She stirs a little _"Ash where you going?" _her voice is in a daze but all the same in cuteness.

"_I'll be back! Just sleep baby" _I say shutting the door only to leave a crack

I jump in my car, driving to see what all this is really going to boil down too. I won't say I'm not angry with what is going on but I can't dwell on it not if I want to be happy with Spencer again.

I pull up to Aiden's house; he is outside watering his flowers drinking a beer. He was always such a freak about having nice things. He reminded me of a woman, I guess that something I always liked about him.

When I got out of the car he turned as my door shut startling him out of his thoughts. I bet he was surprised to see me. I walked up to him not saying anything and he didn't say anything either. I guess he knew why I was here, we both needed to gather ourselves before this talk.

"_Beer" _he handed me one from the cooler he had on his stoop

"_No I think I'm good on that for now" _I said smiling rolling my eyes he wasn;t always the smartest guy.

"_Oh yeah good point" _he said putting it back

I stood there tapping my foot on the ground until I felt like I was going to burst.

"_So she's pregnant, I mean I know you know but still she's pregnant and it's yours!" _I was chewing on my fingernails nervous from actually saying it out loud.

"_I know Ash and I didn't mean to like do it on purpose or anything I would never hurt you like that." _He stood staring at the flowers watching the water run down them.

"_You didn't mean to hurt me Aiden I think if that was it you would have never slept with my wife!" _I grabbed his arm so he would face me

"_Ok I know stupid! So what are we going to do know? I mean we agreed I would stay out of this out of the baby's life!" _His eyes flashed me pain I knew when Aiden lies and right now he was lying.

"_Aiden is that what you want I mean I need to know, we all need to know. It is big Aid and I can't let you do this if it will hurt you!" _I saw him smile a little; I looked at him with googly eyes. I think that told him that I still do care for him.

"_Ash remember when we were younger and you realized you were gay after our baby issue? _He asked while he took a seat on the stoop letting the hose spray the last bush.

"_Yeah I remember I think!" _I sat down next to him

"_Well I said that I would give you a baby some day even if I could only donate. So just think of it as a donation." _He was smiling as he set the hose down grabbing another beer

"_Um.. I think you sleeping with Spencer was more of an affair not a donation and this is a whole lot more then giving us a baby!" _my face didn't have smile on it I don't think I showed any emotion.

"_I know Ashley …I know alright!! And I can't say sorry anymore but it happened and we agreed that it will be yours so that is it over done!!!" _he got up from the stop and walked over toward the water shut off. I just stared at him waiting to jump on his back and just beat him over the head with his beer.

"_Why do you keep saying us? Did you and Spencer have some kind of secret meetings behind my back along with you're little sex capads?" _I stood up and walked behind him

"_Ok Ashley that is it" _He was laughing at me for starting to lose it

"_Not funny Aiden I'm fucking serious" _I got in front of him

"_Move Ashley or I'll move you" _He had a smile on his face; I didn't move I wanted to laugh but I was so mad I only had anger on my face. He grabbed my shoulders picking me up and putting me on the side of him.

"_Fuck you Aiden" _I said stomping off but not before I kicked to of his flower pots and took two beers out of his cooler.

"_Ashley come on" _I heard him yell from behind me but ididn;t tick around to hear what else he had to say.

The car ride back home was quick I chugged both of the beers I stole from Aiden, which gave me a little buzz. Probably cause I did just get out of the hospital, and I'm not even close to a hundred percent. I pulled into the driveway and it seemed like I was out of the car and in the house in one step.

I went to the kitchen and fumbled though the cupboards looking for some type of liquor. _"Ughh" _I found nothing. The fridge was just about empty not even any food. I must have looked like a mad women to any on lookers, I was slamming the cup boards and kicking the doors.

I didn't even notice that I had an onlooker watching me from the door way. I slid down the fridge almost in tears, anger was making my blood boil.

"_Fuck…Fuck" _I said out loud hitting my head

Then I heard her from the hall a quiet scared voice _"Ash please don't do this"_

"_Go to bed I can't see you know" _my voice was mean and I didn't even look up

"_I can't just leave you; I need to help you let me please?" _She began to take steps toward me.

"_Stop Spencer I mean it stop, turn your ass around and go back up those stairs." _I felt my fist clench I needed out of there or my anger was going to take over and I couldn't. not to her not again.

"_No Ashley I know you won't hurt me so you stop and let me help you come down." _Her voice was a little shaky and I knew she was a little nervous about approaching me any further.

"_Spencer I need you to stop, if you really want to help me then please just go back to bed." _She must have heard the desperation in my voice because for once in our relationship she backed down.

I know she was still there I could feel her eyes on me. I stood and I felt a serge of anger go through me. I punched the fridge feeling my knuckles crack; I did it again this time harder. I couldn't stop I began crying slamming my fists into the fridge.

I turned my body around and swiped everything off the counter top, it didn't sooth me I only felt more rage. I started kicking the cupboards, and slamming my hands on the counter. I started screaming hands turned back into fists _"God damn it, mother fuckin' aghh" _I slide back down to the ground my back against the fridge and feet up to the counters. My hands covered my face as tears rolled down my cheeks.

I felt a hand on my shoulder I instinctively jumped smacking it away. Spencer flinched back as I looked up at her. I grabbed her pulling her into me. I could hear her breathing heavy like she was afraid of me.

"_I'm sorry I won't hurt you!" _I said pulling her up and brushing her hair out of her face. Her eyes were red and she was shaking.

"_Your hands they are bleeding!" _she grabbed one and I flinched feeling the pain for once.

"_It's ok I'm fine" _

"_No I'll get a towel and ice" _she started to stand but I pulled her back

"_I said no I'm fine just stay here right here, don't move I need to feel you right now." _I touched her face pulling her closer to me. I put my hands on the back of her head pulling her into me. She flinched _"It's ok" _I said pushing my lips on to hers


	14. Make Up

**Warning!!!!!!!!!!!! NC-17 not the best but still NC-17!!!!!!!!**

* * *

I felt the pain of my wounds as I slide my hands over her back trying to unhook her bra. She was grabbing the back of my shirt trying to pull it off. I started kissing her harder feeling the sensation of lust in between my legs. I meet her tongue sucking it in, biting her bottom lip. I could hear her moaning and feel her breathing heavily in my arms.

I finally got the bra off of her which might I add wasn't easy. I let out a sound of pain when I untangled my hand from her shirt. She noticed but I quickly changed her train of thought, by pushing my hands onto her breast.

I grabbed the hem of her shirt and pulled it up onto her arms letting her finish taking it off, while I made my way down taking one of breast into my mouth. I heard her moan when she felt my mouth wrapped around her and my tongue flicking her nipple. I pulled off her breast making my way up her neck kissing every inch of it. I bit on her ear letting my breath fill her making her wiggle underneath me.

I meet her lips again; she quickly put her tongue in my mouth fighting with mine for dominance. When I pulled away her body lifted to follow me. I smiled at her shaking my head, as I made my way back down her front by kissing her all the way down stopping at her stomach kissing all around her bellybutton.

I heard what sounded like a whimper come from her. I looked up to meet tear filled eyes staring back at me. I put my head back down bringing my hands down to her sides caressing them as I kissed her belly.

I was a loss of words I had so many emotions going through my body. She had a baby inside her she wasn't showing now she wouldn't be it's to early. But I could still feel a change in her.

I slide back up her body my eyes meeting hers again only for a second as I picked her up. Her legs wrapped around my waist, and she threw her arms around my neck hiding her face from me. I knew she was crying I felt her shaking.

I carried her upstairs not wanting her to have to lie on the hard kitchen floor anymore. I must have come out of my anger because all I felt now was love. Love for my wife and this baby she is carrying. I don't know how I would feel later or tomorrow but I didn't seem to care.

I laid her down on the bed crawling on top of her straddling her waist. I placed my hands on the side of her stomach rubbing up and down. We were locked in a gaze her eyes showed me lust and sadness all at the same time. I leaned down so my lips tuched hers, I was slow and gentle with my actions. She moaned and pushed her lips hard into mine, making me moan into her mouth.

I slide my hands down her belly, while I kissed her breast taking it in my mouth caressing it with my tongue. My hand played with the hem of her pants I could feel her arching into me wanting more. I left her breast to make my way dow to her stomach as my hand slide into her pants. I could feel she had no under wear on. I looked back up at her andh she had a smile on her face.

"_Jeez Spence did you have this planned" _I asked smiling up at her still moving my hand to the folds of her clit making sure to slowly drag my fingers up her starting from the bottom up to her mound.

"_Oh God Ashh!" _she was trying to talk but I stared rubbing her moving my fingers in a circular motion. She started to writhe under my body, I seen that she needed me. I travel my lips back up to meet hers she kissed my softly at first until she felt my finger tempting its way into her.

"_Ashley Please!" _she moaned into me before she started to kiss me harder. I came into a rhythm my fingers slowly pumping in and out of her sometimes slipping out to rub over her clit.

She would stop kissing me every once in a while just slowly breathing into my mouth making little noises. Her mouth was partly opened when I looked at her to see what expression she had on her face. She was in pure pleasure I stretched up biting her lower lip that hung there, causing her to rock into me.

"_Spence?" _I whispered to her so she would look down at me, and when she did I could see she was close. I kissed her hard adjusting my body before I slide her pants off. I stood above her watching her bite on her lower lip craving for me to touch her again. I grabbed her leg putting it up on my shoulder, running my hands along the side of them feeling her skin.

I got down on my knees and nestled in between her legs. I started kissing her thighs making her moan for me. I what she wanted I didn't want to make her suffer! I started by kissing the inside of her leg slowly opening her with my hand. I felt her body trying to rise to meet me half way but I only backed up blowing cool air onto her clit.

"_Ashley stop and just… "I_ think she liked the sensation of my tongue on her flicking at her clit sucking on it, cause she stopped talking mid sentence. She began to rock into my face wanting more of me to be inside her. I stuck two fingers in her letting her gain rhythm on them before I went back to her. I felt she was close as I slipped my fingers out of her sliding my tongue down into her letting her ride it out.

As she came I felt her begin to shake humming sweet little noises. I crawled back up her taking her into a kiss.

"_Ash" _she moaned

"_Yeah I'm right here" _I said watching her try to gain her composure

"_I think I'm gonna be sick" _she said getting up from the bed and running to the bathroom.

"_Spence shit" _I said getting up to go follow her.

Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom, I think I have finally hit my bottom, not only in my career but in my life with Spencer. I know it will get harder but this is my test. Can I not only be here for Spencer to lean on and love but can I be here for a baby that will love me unconditional through all my faults and forgive me just as Spencer does every day. That will be my test along with handling all these hormones and bithcy Spencer.

"_I'm here babe right here!" _I said rubbing her back while I hold her hair.


	15. A start

**Sorry it has been so long for this story but i hope you all enjoy comments please**

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We laid together last night not talking just being in each other's arms was good. It has been so long since we were just together no interruptions no alarm clocks. After an hour in the bathroom and then every half after that she was finally asleep. I watched her snore and move a little making tiny little faces like she was having a dream. I didn't want to move but I know have to my bladder is going to explode, an my hand is stinging.

I try to move but the weight of me moving only makes her roll into me grabbing my arm and pulling it around her. I let out a moan, her butt is in my bladder making the pressure build. I stare up at our ceiling following the line and trying to think of a way to move but not to wake her up. I try to move my hand but she only holds on tighter. So I try to tickle her ear so she will let go it didn't work she only grumbled a little.

"_Spence" _I whispered to her

"_Mmmm" _she mumbled back making me laugh a little

"_I need to get up babe" _

"_Uh huh goooo" _she said to me but she still had my arm

"_You have to let go of my arm?" _I said to her laughing a little, she turned her body and looked at me with a weird face.

"_Hey what is so funny missy" _she said to me with a little pout on her face

"_Nothing it's just I want my arm back I have to pee and I can't move."_ She looked down at me arm and then smiled letting it go. When she looked back up at me her lips meet mine. It wasn't a long kiss but it was one of those good morning kisses little but just enough to get you a little bothered.

"_Mmm morning to you too babe!" _she said to me

I just smiled and got up going to the bathroom was the only thing on my mind right now. When I finished I came back out and saw her back facing me and the T.V on, she was watching M.T.V, one of those reality shows. I hated M.T.V lately what ever happened to the music videos it's all about reality these days. Like I care about some rich brats sixteen birthday party.

I knew Spencer loved these kinds of shows though, so I never complained a lot. I cuddled up behind her, nuzzling my nose in between her neck and ear. I heard her moan a little and move her ass more into me.

"_You feel better this morning" _I asked her after last night I don't think she could have thrown anything else up.

"_Yeah but I haven't gotten up yet" _she said still watching

"_True so are you hungry or thirsty? I'll get you whatever you want" _I asked her rubbing her belly

"_No I don't think I want to eat right now, thanks though" _she said to me and her voice seemed a little distractedbut I'm going to ignore it knowing she can just be moody

_Ok but do we really have to watch this I mean come you seen this one a hundred times?" _I asked wining a little bit

I waited for her response but she never said anything, she has been acting weird all morning I don't understand why I thought we had a good night together.

"_Spence what is wrong did I do something?" _I asked her

"_No I just want to watch this is that ok?" _she said to me in an cocky voice

I didn't say anything I just got up and made my way downstairs. I needed some kind of caffeine in my body. I entered the kitchen and saw blood stains on the counter, my first thought was what do I pay the maid for obviously nothing, but then I don't remember seeing her around the last week I've been here, knowing Spencer she fired her. She hated maids she says they always snooped around our stuff, and they she can clean better then them anyway, every time I got one she would fire them.

I figured I had to clean it up so I grabbed a rag and cleaned it up. I don't understand myself sometime why I lose my anger and hurt myself. I'm just glad I would never hurt Spencer, she means way too much to me.

It's moments like these when the house is quiet and I'm all alone I think of smoking some an maybe a quick whiskey on the rocks, but I know that Spencer would leave. I grabbed my cell of the counter after I cleaned the place up from last night.

I walked out on the patio, grabbing a chair and dragging it onto the sand. I missed this just sitting here watching the wave's crash against the shore and the boats in the distance. I always wondered where they were going where they carrying coffee across to the Atlantic or maybe even importers bringing beer or drugs up to the coast. It just means the world is a whole lot bigger then it feels.

I sat with my cigarette in hand for at least an hour before I light it, I know I shouldn't be smoking but I can't have everything taken from me all a once. I heard the house phone ringing, I should answer it but I just don't want to move. It stops ringing and I wait to see if I can hear the answering machine but I don't. What I do hear is foot steps coming towards me and before I can turn the phone falls in my lap.

"_It's for you" _Spencer says in an annoyed voice I knew I should have got up.

"_Thanks!" _I say to her turning so I can see her.

"_Why are you smoking Ashley I thought we agreed no more addictions" _she says to me coming and standing in fromnt of me staring me down.

"_I know, I just wanted one and I thought you were sleeping so I jut smoked one!"_ I said putting out my cigarette before smiling at her. She looked at me and motion that I did have a phone call.

"_Hello!" _I said into the phone watching Spencer watch me with a mean look. I really don't understand her today.

"_Finally you answer the phone! I need you to come back to New York for a little while make a couple appearances, You canceling those concerts is killing us!"_ my manager say to me in the phone he sounds frantic like the company is pushing him.

"_I told you I need to stay home until I get better, tell the company to fuck off!" _I say looking at Spencer who is now sitting in the sand in front of me watching my expressions.

"_I know but they said you broke contract and if you don't clean up your mess this time they are suing" _

"_What" _my voice raises _"tell to fuck off try and sue me I'll drop them in a second I can go anywhere I don't need them" _

"_Ashley your under contract they have all the rights" _he says in a calm voice trying to get me to realize I am screwed if I don't go

"_So your saying if I don't go they will rip me of everything, that is total bullshit fuck tell them to try" _I said hanging up the phone.

Spencer sat staring at me with a look of concern on her face. _"What was all that Ashley?" _she asks

"_Nothing babe just work shit nothing to worry about" _I say to her with a smile so she doesn't get worked up

"_Yeah right Ash tell me, your job concerns me to I am your family" _she says to me a little bothered

"_I have to go to New York otherwise I'm fucked sorry we're fucked" _I say to her letting her now I am aggravated.

"_Nice Ashley well your going or shall I say we're going" _she says getting up and coming over and grabbing my cigarettes, before I can protest or even say anything she puts her finger on my lips. _"No you have to deal with the cravings and your work" _backing away from me she walks back in the house. I hate that she can do that just control me.

After I make sure she is in the house I reach under my leg and pullout my other pack of smokes. See the pack she took was almost empty so before I came out here I grabbed another knowing I wouldn't want to get back up. I sat outside for at least another hour, before Spencer called for me.

"_Hey babe I think I'm going to take a swim you want to come?" _I asked watching as she dropped what she was doing

"_Yes I would love to, I'll grab my board" _she said to me as she walked away

"_Um Spence do you think that is a good idea with baby in tow and everything?" _I yelled to her

She came back in the room with a smile on her face _"Yeah I guess that wouldn't be good right" _she came back in and picked back up the chicken she was cutting before

I walked up behind her putting my hands around her waist _"Babe you can go in just you just can't surf is all" _I kissed her on her neck, and then casually spun her around so she was facing me.

She still held the chicken in her hand but I didn't care I leaned into her and gave her a kiss letting my lips stay on hers for a while. I took my hand and rubbed her hair out of her face

"_Come on Ash I have raw chicken all over me, go swim I'll meet you" _she said to me showing me her hands, I just smiled and kissed her again this time I pushed her back into the counter.

"_But you taste good" _I whisper to her

She pushed my shoulders moving me away from her _"and you taste like cigarettes" _she said turning around to go back to dinner

I just stood there for a second ok she is still mad at me I give her that, but damn she is moody. I guess we haven't really talked about everything, like what is going to happen I don't even know when the baby is do or when her appointment is. She realized I didn't leave yet so she sat down her knife and washed her hands before turning toward me and wrapping her hands around my waist.

"_I'm sorry" _she said to me kissing me

"_No I am! I haven't even asked about the baby I don't even know what doctor you have or your next appointment? What do you want a boy a girl? I have been so focused on us I forgot there is one more of us to consider." _I say

"_Ash slow down we have time ok, _she smiles and moves her hand to mine_ I want you to focus on getting better staying put together for when she or he gets here. And take care of the band and tour right now I'll be fine." _

"_Hey I get to worry about you ok that is my right! I'll take care of the band but tour I can't go I need to be here with you…Girl" _I say to her quietly saying the last thing

She laughs and kisses me _"A Girl huh" _

"_Yes boys are great and all probably easier but I don't like easy and I want her to look just like you, beautiful eyes and blond hair everyone will want her" _I say to her while I run my hands through her hair and gaze into those blue eyes

"_Mmm sounds good to me know go swim I want to finish cooking then I will meet you and we can talk more" _giving me a kiss she turned back to the counter

"_Mmmm that does sound good" _I say seductively into her ear making her cringe her neck back

"_Goooo!" _she says pointing for me to exit the kitchen I just laugh and walk out. Finally everything feels some what normal again, I 'm just scared something is going to happen to screw it up. I have a feeling it may be Aiden, he says he wants nothing but I know he will want to be involved.

I went to the pool to do a couple laps I don't really want Spencer in the ocean. It will be hard to keep her out of it but I can try. As I swam I thought of all the shit I have pulled and gotten away with not only with Spencer but with my body. It only made me swim harder seeing her as I threw her up against the wall and forcing myself on her, or how I hit things when I got made yelling all the time and the drugs It was all the drugs. I mean it was me but if I could just control myself it would have never gotten this bad. I kept pushing myself to swim a harder trying to force all my emotions out in the water hoping they will stay here.

I was on my last of three laps when I felt Spencer's presence in the room. I stopped swimming and my breathing was heavy and as I looked up at her it seemed to worsen. There she stood naked with a towel hanging over her shoulder.


	16. Sexual tension

**NC-17 guys!!! and gals!!! **

Thanks for the comments!! hope you guys like the new start to this relationship a family and pool therapy

COMMENTS PLEASE

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A smiling naked Spencer is always a good thing. I couldn't help but stare at her one minute ago she was crabby and now she is naked giving me that look. I watched her as she got in the pool, she was slow and seductive trying to make me drool over her which I was already doing the second I saw her. 

"_Ash quiet staring and come over here" _she shook her head at me and rolled her eyes with a smile, she was sitting on the steps that lead you into the pool. The water was just above her belly button, her legs were spread waiting for me to be in between them. I swam up to her making waves that tickled her breast

"_What is with you Spencer I didn't think hormones played into the picture yet?" _I asked her running my hands on her thighs

"_It's not the hormones I just miss you is all we always had fun like this don't you remember?" _she asked me and she was right we did crazy things before I had all my drug problems and was never around I almost forgot how we were back then.

"_I remember babe it's just I thought you were still pissed at me for everything" _I said to her moving closer and kissing up her neck.

She put her finger on my lips as they tried to caress hers _"Mmm Spencer" _I said with agony

"_I just want to tell you I love you and I am happy we are making this work, I can't lose you!" _she smiled as she scooted more into the water griping my neck

"_I love you too and I will never go anywhere not even if you kick me out I will always fight." _I said to her smiling as she kissed my neck

I let her kiss up and down my neck bringing a warm sensation to me. I grabbed her and swung her in the water. Her legs clung to me as I walked to the side of the pool. I pushed her up against the wall making her moan for me to touch her.

"_Ash?" _she moaned

"_Mmm Spence?" _I asked her kissing her neck and down her chest

"_I want you!" _she said to me lifting my chin so she could see my eyes

I closed my eyes and leaned into her lips kissing her slowly waiting for her permission to slid my tongue in when I felt her lips part I let my tongue wonder. I felt her trying to duel with me for dominance, I took a breath coming back to look at her.

I smiled as she tried to move back into me for a kiss she was so full of lust she couldn't control herself. I'm not going to make her wait I quickly close the space between us. My hands slide to her ass lifting her up onto me. She has her hands intertwined in my hair pulling it backward so she can get at my neck.

I bring my hand up to the lower part of her ass sliding it up into her. She moans and arches her back, making me go deeper in her.

"_Ugh Ash" _she says as she is riding my finger I slip another in making her arch more showing me her breast. I take one my mouth sucking and letting my tongue flick over her nipple making her moan louder. My thumb travels to the top of her clit making her shake as her body grinds against my fingers my thumb rubs her in her own rhythm. I can feel her walls start to close as she rides my hand.

"_Spencer" _I gasp

"_Whattt" _she gets out as she is moaning into a climax

"_I want you to look at me" _she looks down at me her mouth is open trying to breathe air in. She has water on the top of her head and on her neck, she looks flushed like she is on fire.

I watch her as she tries to stay with me but as I move my thumb she lets out a scream and her head goes down. I bring her head back up with my lips. I feel her tongue lash out at mine. She is letting her tongue run wild in my mouth. She starts to suck on my tongue making me moan into her. She is losing her control now her moans are turning into drawn out sighs of pain mixed with pleasure and she is letting out little screams.

She lets go of my tongue just to breathe then she is back sucking and biting on my tongue and lips. I can feel that she is so close so I take a third finger and slip it in making her scream out in pain. Her head comes down and looks at me, her eyes are mixed with anger for me doing this to her but yet they have lust in them like she wants to eat me alive.

She starts to pound harder into my fingers making waves in the pool. As she releases herself her body goes limp and I have to hold her while she catches her breath. I start to kiss her neck rolling it with my face so I can get to her lips. I kiss her making her moan because she s still feeling her orgasm.

After a minute she looks at me with a smile and starts to giggle.

"_What" _I ask her

"_Nothing" _she says to me still laughing

"_What?" _I say loudly

"_That was it was just great is all" _she say then her eyes look down at my lips and her finger rubs them _"Sorry" _she says as she shows me my lip is bleeding.

She looks so damn cute right now in my arms naked, with that little grin on her face. I can't help but just to feel lucky that she loves me and puts up with me.

"_I love you" _I say to her as I lean in and kiss her

"_I know you do and I love you too! Now what is wrong?" _she says to me with a stern look

"_Nothing I just wanted to tell you" _I say to her as I walk us over to the steps of the pool.

I carry her out of the pool and onto the couch. I let her down and go get her a towel covering her up. I go to walk away but she pulls me back down onto her.

"_Spence be careful! Damn muscles" _I say to her before she kisses me

The kiss she is giving me right now is telling me she wants me again. I think I might like the new Spencer I think kissing her back letting my tongue slide into her mouth. She lets go and gets up pushing me under her so she is straddling me. I bring my hands up to her breasts rubbing them as she sits there staring at me. I let my hands travel down to her belly stopping there, my eyes travel up to meet hers where stay that way for what seems like an eternity. She leans down into me letting her lips meet mine. Her hands are undoing my bathing suit string as I place my hands on her ass pushing her more into me.

She kisses down my chest to my breasts taking one into her mouth and her hand is caressing the other. I can feel myself start to get warm and wetter then I was already.

**KNOCK… KNOCK… **A knock interrupts her from what she is doing.

"_Ignore it the will go away" _I say to her grabbing her and kissing her

"_Horny babe" _she says to me with her smile as her hand slide down my belly under my bathing suit into my wetness. _"Really wet too" _she say to me

"_Mmmm Spencer stop teasing me" _I warn her

"_Why what are you going to do" _she say to me laughing. I pick myself up along with her and switch places, putting her under me.

"_This" _I say as I kiss down her belly and letting my tongue lick the inside of her lips teasing her pussy.

She jerks as she feels my tongue, she laughs a little letting me know that it was a good come back. I can feel her hands rubbing at the back of my head, pushing me more into her.

"_Spencer, Ashley are you guys home" _I hear her dad calling from outside the doors, I feel her move knocking me off the couch.

"_Hold on Dad I'm not dressed stay out there" _she screams to him.

"_Fuck Spencer, that hurt" _I say to her rubbing my ass

"_Sorry" _she says to me smiling and leaning down kissing me _"I'll be back finish swimming work off those hormones." _

"_What?" _I gasp to her

"_He's cooking us dinner tonight, remember where going to tell him?" _she says to me as she puts on her robe

"_No, I don't remember shit" _I say to her getting up

"_Oh I must have not told you sorry!" _smiling she turns and leaves I run to catch her

"_Hey this is so not done!" _I say to her sliding my arms onto her waist and kissing her neck.

"_Spencer come on we have to go to the store" _her dad yells

She turns to me and kisses me.

"_Fuck" _I say as I watch her leave the pool area, _"Nice" _I say as I dive in the pool to swim letting my sexual tension out.


	17. Dinner time

I took a shower after my swim which might I add didn't take care of my need for Spencer. I got dressed and headed downstairs, where Spencer and Arthur were mixing up some of his special sauce. I knew what it was before I even hit bottom step the smell was just mouth watering.

Arthur saw me first _"Ashley there you are" _he said to me smiling and giving me a hug

I saw Spencer out of the corner of my eye smiling at me I knew she was thinking about earlier and how she left me.

"_Yeah here I was just taking a swim! How are you?" _I asked him grinning at Spencer

"_I'm great here with both my girls, happy and back together making your marriage work." _He said going back to his pot

"_Mmmm smells good" _I say as I walk behind the counter to the fridge making sure to pinch Spencer's ass while I gave her a kiss. She moved forward a little _"Ash" _she yelped

"_What can I not get a bottle of water?" _I asked her with a smile

"_Uh huh, will you set the table since your so bored?" _she asked me back with a smile

I had to laugh when Spencer tried to play my game with me, she was cute but still a rookie even though she thought she was sneaky.

"_Oh I have to call my manager back soo" _I said carrying my last word cause the look on her face was telling me to just do it _"Ok I guess I can do this first" _I say with a smile

I set the table and got a kiss from Spencer thanking me, I think she is still getting use to having me back, hell I'm still trying to get use to it. I went to the office to call my manager and see what can be done to make the label happy.

"_Hey Kent hows it going?" _

"_Good, better if you'd say yes to the tour!" _he said in his manager like voice

"_Well I'll go on the U.S tour I'm not going on the over seas one so work it out, and I need extra security for the tour because Spencer is going with and I don't want to see any groupies and make sure they clean up the bus!" _I say to him in my bitch voice

"_Whatever you say you are the star, but the guys may not like it!" _he says to me

"_Too bad for them they will have to suffer, no drugs Kent, make sure they know that?" _I say to him emphasizing the no drugs part

"_Ok great so I will see you in a week then, we start in New York"_

"_New York is first I thought that was usually last?" _

"_Nope not this time sorry!" _he says

"_Whatever just make sure the bus is clean"_ I say to him letting him know I am irritated

"_It will be spotless"_

"_Bye" _I say to him as I hang up and throw the pen I was fidgeting with on the desk

"_Not what you wanted to hear huh" _Spencer say as she stands in the doorway

"_Eavesdropping doesn't suite you" _I say to her kind of meanly

"_Whatever Ashley don't take your shit out on me I thought this was over" _she yelled at me

"_Sorry..."_ I started to say before she cut me off

"_Just come eat well talk about it later not in front of my dad."_

I sighed getting up and looking at her still standing in the doorway with a disappointed look on her face. I wanted to hug her and tell her I was sorry for snapping, but I just walked by her thinking it would be better just to leave it for later.

The dinner was going ok not a lot of talking on my part but Spencer and her dad are getting along and that is the best thing. I watch her as she laughs at his corny jocks and smiles when he talks about how happy he is for her, he tells her he is proud of her and her face changes. I know she is thinking about the baby we never discussed if we were going to tell him or not. I thik this is my cue to say something take his attention of Spencer before he sees she is upset.

"_So Mr. C I'm going on tour I'll be stopping in Ohio for three concerts I think Columbus, Cleveland and on Put-in-Bay. What is like a must see?" _I ask him hoping this will work, I notice he is looking inquiringly at his daughter but he smiles and shakes it off to answer my question.

"_Well Columbus is the capital so there is a lot to do there, Cleveland is a dirty city believe me I lived there but it has its gems make sure you go to the water front downtown it is a city on the water lots of night life you should like that and put-in-bay is awesome all the islands there are just great lots to do go to the monument you can see Canada!" _he tells me all this with a smile while he eats my concentration is on Spencer she gave me a little smile when I got his attention of off her, but now she is playing with her food.

"_Dad" _she blurts out

"_Yeah Spence" _he says back with questioning eyes

"_I… we have something to tell you" _she is not doing this now is she we are s not prepared for all the questions. She smiles at me and tell her no with my eyes but she just shakes it off and shakes her head at me.

"_Ok baby what is it?" _he asks seeing my struggle with her

"_I'm…" _I grabbed her

"_Excuse us?" _I said to him as I pulled her into the kitchen

"_What are you doing?" _I asked her frantically

"_He said he is proud of me but he doesn't know everything" _she says to me her tears are threating to fall

"_Babe please we are not ready for anyone to know" _I say to her caressing her arm trying to comfort her

"_No Ashley I am ready its you that isn't" _she pushes me away and turn to go back to the table

"_When are you do? What are you having? Will Aiden be involved?" _I asked her before she left making her turn to me

'_I can answer all those question" _she says as she slams to the door open

"_Great" _I say out loud

I walk back in the dinning room and she is sitting now with her dad looking up at me.

"_Did I miss something" _her dad asks me as I walk in

"_No we're good" _I say to him with a smile

Spencer is working up the nerve I can tell by the way she is twirling her food and shaking her leg.

"_Spencer" _I call her name but she only shakes her head

"_Spencer please don't shut down" _I say to her as I walk to her and kneel down pulling her chair so she is looking at me. _"We can tell him together ok I'm here"_ I push her hair behind her ear to see the look on her face. She has tears running down her eyes and I know she wants to tell him but she can't get herself to do it.

"_Ashley what is going on?" _Mr. C asks worried

"_Well we have some news but I don't think we are ready to tell yet!" _ I feel a hand squeezing mine I look down at Spencer and she is smiling.

"_Ok or we are" _I say sarcastically _"Spencer she's…"_

"_Pregnant dad I'm pregnant" _she says to him I can see her heart sitting on her shoulder hoping for him not to freak

He doesn't say anything at first he looks like he is thinking about it, like maybe how or the father is.

"_I'm happy for you too, I mean why aren't you?" _He asks with hesitation, then his face flattens like he put it together _"Oh" _he says looking at me

"_Dad I know it is bad" _She says with her head down

He walks over to her and rests is hand on her back and takes her in his arms _"Spencer don't cry I'm not here to judge you, I'm here to love you and just be here! Ok?" _he says to her pulling her away so he can see her face

She put her head on his shoulder and smiled at me with tears in her eyes, I smiled back at her.

"_Ok can I finish eating now?" _he asks as he sits back down

We both laugh and sit back down with him _"So what do you want to have?" _he asks Spencer

"_Either is good for me" _she says with a smile

"_Ashley you?" _he asks me and Spencer looks at me

"_I want a girl of course so I can see her mother everyday" _I say back and I know it was a good answer because they both smile and Spencer leans and kisses my cheek.

"_So when is the baby do?" _he asks Spencer

"_We don't know yet" _I tell him_ "We have to call the doctor we haven't gone to an appointment yet!"_

"_Oh so this is really new news" _he says laughing

"_Well I have been to the doctors" _Spencer says out of nowhere

"_What? When?" _I say to her with a hint of anger behind it

"_Um about a month ago, that's when I found out I have a follow up next week" _she gets up from the table and grabs some dishes

"_So when were you going to tell me this?" _I get up following her

"_Ashley you were messed up what was I suppose to say?" _she turns to face me

"_I don't know maybe talk to me" _I yell at her

"_Ok Ashley yeah oh and I slept with Aiden and know I am pregnant, is that what I was suppose to say while you were all messed up on drugs and alcohol?" _She said back to me

I was caught off guard by her forwardness; I just stood there speechless with nothing to say. She nodded her head and walked away. Mr. C came in the kitchen after Spencer he put his dish in the sink and turned toward me.

"_Sorry Ashley, she must still be mad at you huh" _he said as he walked toward me

"_Yeah but I think there is more then that" _I said as I sat down on the bar stool

"_Like what?" _he asked

"_I think she is mad at herself for her life right now, when she should be mad at me for it. If I would have been good to her she would have never went to Aiden and she wouldn't be in this situation." _I said

"_Maybe but it happened and it is both of your problem" _he said to me as he put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed _"I have to get going, plus I think you to should talk" _he hugged me and kissed my head before leaving the kitchen to find Spencer

I couldn't talk to her now I know she needs space right now, I ended up back outside staring at the ocean with a drink in my hand and a cigarette in my other. I knew she was watching me I could feel her eyes on me but I was going to make her come to me if she wanted to talk.

I got up and took a walk down to the ocean letting the waves crash up onto my feet taking my problems back out to the ocean for this moment. It was a relaxing feeling but I knew reality was right behind me.

I sat down on the beach watching the sun set in the sky. I needed a refill on my drink but I wasn't ready to move just yet. The sound of the ocean was loud and the wind made echoes in my ears. All of that and I could still feel her presence right next to me I turned my head and there she was looking down at my empty glass with a sad expression.

"_It's just one drink Spencer!" _I say to her

She lifts her head and starts to shake it at me _"Yeah and I bet you want another" _

She is right I do I can't help it. It settles me when we fight keeps my head level.

"_Well" _she says pointing to the glass _"Go get another, I'll wait here for you"_

I look up at her and see that she is serious; I'm not going to wait for her to change her mind. When I get up her head shakes and her shoulders fall, she is disappointed in me and for once so am I.

When I come back she is still sitting staring into the ocean. I sit down beside her and light a cigarette which makes her head turn and look at me.

"_What?" _I ask her

"_Nothing" _she says

"_You said" _

"_I know what I said Ashley" _she cuts me off and practically chews my head off

"_I love you ok, I've never stopped don't think I ever will" _her voice cracked as she spoke _"I just need you to stop this all of this even up here" _she points to my head. She was talking about my mind. It runs way to much thinks about everything in perfect detail. Especially thinking of my wife and Aiden

"_I don't think I can, I like to drink" _I say to her while twirl my drink in my hand

"_More then me?" _she asks as she moves in front of me placing her hands on my knees

"_No" _I state

"_Could have fooled me" _she is still in front of me with hands now moving to my face

"_Spencer" _

"_No Ashley let me talk, I need you here, this baby needs you here" _she slides my hand down to her stomach _"If you keep drinking you will go back to drugs maybe not now but someday," _I tried to talk but she covered my mouth _"I can't do this, always saving you from yourself once I have this baby_, _I will only have enough energy for this baby. I need you and want you there but if you don't get straight I can't have you there." _When she finished talking she had tears in her eyes but her look was genuine.

"_So you are giving up on me on us for better or worse Spencer I thought you were strong enough to handle this handle me." _I asked her while I stood up and got out of her grasp

"_It's not always about you Ashley, this baby has to come first I have to be put first" _she yells at me

"_Yeah the way you have always wanted it" _I say in a low tone but she still hears me

"_What…" _she grabs me _"What did you just say I have been here in it right here while you were off in lala land on cloud 9 somewhere with some nasty ass whore on her knees, while we all watched and took a backseat to you well not anymore" _she was screaming at me crying she through her hands up and started to walk away but then she turned and came back in my face.

"_I hate you I hope you know that" _she pushes me

I can see her eyes they're red with more tears pouring out of them, _ "Stop it, Stop" _I said as I grabbed her hand stopping her from slapping me.

"_No I don't want to can't you see you ass can't you see what you do to me" _she yells and pulls out of my grasp.

"_I get it Spencer ok I get it" _I reach out to comfort her but she slaps my hand away

"_No you don't" _her eyes were small and held anger behind them. She walked away from me then and I watched her go. I stood there with a smile on my face I couldn't help it she was so angry with me for having two drinks and a couple cigarettes I know she was right in her anger with me but I couldn't help but smile


	18. A little bit of help

Comments Please tell me if you like how it is going or not Thanks enjoy

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I sat outside until I saw our light go off and I knew she was sleeping I hated doing this to her to us but it is the only way. I am sick of always feeling this way. I can feel my body calling for drugs my skin feels as though it is being pulled in ten different ways. When I look at my hands I can see them shaking and it scares me that something can have that much affect on me.

My mouth dries and my stomach cramps up I feel like I should throw up but never do and tonight seeing Spencer fight for me just made me remember who she is and who I am when I am with her. If I can fight for myself as much as she fights for me then I know I can be the person she knows I can be.

When I walk into our room she is sleeping above the covers half propped up by the pillow behind her. She has her book on her chest and her glasses in her hand. I grab the book and glasses putting them on her nightstand. I pull the sheets out from under her sliding her down off the pillow so her neck doesn't cramp.

I cover her up so it lays over her chest, sitting down next to her I run my fingers over her face and then lean down whispering I love her in her ear. I kiss her on her cheek which makes her mumble something about cheesecake as she turns over making a smile form on my face.

I leave a note saying

"_Spencer I just want you to know I love you and that when I get back I will explain everything, don't be mad or worried I will be fine. I have to go away for a couple of days I don't think I will be able to call you but just remember I am doing this for us. I know you don't understand but you will and if any one calls just I don't know say something. I love you and you will be in my dreams at night and in the day my thoughts and always in my heart. Everything you said tonight was true and I have to fix that_

_I Love You _

_Ashley" _

I left the note on my pillow knowing she will look there first thing.

I drove across the city that night almost stopping to score but every time I tried to pull over I saw Spencer, pushing me all that emotion in her face and the vulnerability in her voice.

I ended up at the only place I could as I got out of my car I looked up at the house there were no lights on and I knew everyone was sleeping but I had no other choice this was the only help I have.

I knocked on the door almost running away as I seen the bedroom lights come on, but I stood my ground. When the door opened the look on her face was a mix of wonder and worry.

"_Ashley what is wrong where's Spencer?" _Mrs. C eyes searched behind me frantically checking what was going on

"_She's ok Mrs. C" _I said to her

"_Oh ok then what can I do for you then" _she asked with a smug tone and a half smile

"_I know you don't like me and frankly I don't care, Spencer needs me and I know you hate it but she loves me and she choose me so one day we have to get over this and I think this can be our start." _My hands were shaking as I squeezed them together

"_It's late can't this wait" _she asked practically shutting the door

"_No it can't I need you to help me with a clinic, I need to go I can't do this on my own" _she is looking at me with no care, she eyes roll and gives a sarcastic smirk as she talks

"_I can't help you sorry" _she tries to shut the door but I put my foot there stopping her

"_Please if not for me then for Spencer" _she puts her head down like she is thinking about it and then she looks up at me with a smirk

She moves out of the doorway and lets me in _"I'll help you but only for Spencer and that we all have a family dinner once a week" _

I sit down on the couch looking up at her. Her face is lit up like she is going to control Spencer's life through me.

"_Fine" _I say to her knowing it is the only way _"But you have to do something for me to?" _

"_I think I already am!" _she states as she flips through her book

"_I know but you can't tell Spencer where I am" _she looks at me with a goofy expression

"_Why won't she be happy?" _

"_Yeah but not that I came to you" _I say to her as she shakes a note card in her hand

"_What why? I am helping it's what she has always wanted" _she sits down beside me with the phone in her hand

"_This is our problem I shouldn't be bringing you into this" _I tell her knowing Spencer's reaction when she does find out I came to her mother.

Paula's face drops and she opens her mouth like she wants to say something but she stops and start to dial the number instead. I stand and look at the pictures on the mantle of Spencer when she was little and the rest of her family.

Her brothers with there wives and kids her father and mother on their wedding day. I never thought there would be one of us which to my disbelieve there is. We are in the heart shaped frame Spencer in her white dress that was a pretty penny and I in the tan dress.

We got married on the beach in are bare feet on cool September day it was perfect for me and Spencer's dream ever since she was a little girl in Ohio she always dreamt of getting married on a beach. I don't think she saw me in the picture with her. Even though she says the first time she saw me she knew she would marry me.

I ran my finger over the frame thinking of how she found me in that hotel room and how she must have felt when I collapsed and wouldn't wake up. I shook my head at the thought and looked back over at Paula who was wrapping up her conversation.

"_Ok you're all set for tomorrow morning" _she said getting up and putting the phone back on the charger

"_Not tonight?" _I asked knowing I couldn't go home

"_No sorry the doc won't be there till morning, it is a well deserted place so know one will bug you there." _I know she meant photographers and other people that like to gossip about celebs that have drug problems.

"_Ok thank you, I really appreciate this" _I told her with my killer smile

"_Yeah well don't make me regret it. You can sleep in Spencer's old room tonight then me or Arthur will take you tomorrow!" _she smiled at me _"Well you better get some rest" _I watched her as she went to the cabinet and pulled out a bottle of wine pouring herself a glass.

"_Would you like some?" _she asked me with a glass in her hand

"_Um… no I better not, thanks for all of this Mrs. C I know you don't want to help me" _

"_I''m a doctor Ashley this is my job, pus it is for my daughter" _she came toward me and I backed away freaked out from her overwhelming need to be nice o me all of a sudden

"_Ashley I don't bite" _she hugged me right then and I think my heart skipped a beat from shock and maybe a little feeling of comfort.

"_Well thanks" _I said as she released me from the hug smiling as she went to the kitchen

I was still in a little shock I wonder how many glasses she has had. I went to Spencer's old room and it was weird maybe creepy even being in this little room where we first kissed. I looked around they didn't change it a whole lot I mean some boxes scatterd around but that was it.

When I lay down on the bed I looked at the ceiling seeing the outline of the heart I put up there. I reached and shut the light off seeing the heart glow in the dark. It was those glow in the dark stars, I made Spencer the heart to tell her I love her. That night I told her to turn off her light and when she did she saw this. I swear I heard her cry when I was on the phone with her, I smile as I feel myself tart to drift off.

When I wake up I am covered in sweat and everything looks different to me. I soon realize I am in Spencer old bedroom and I remember coming over for help. I can feel myself shaking I am withdrawing and I need to puke but I am scared that Paula will think I am pathetic and can't handle my cravings.

I wake up again and I am lying on the bathroom floor with a towel under my head.

"_Rough night" _I hear someone say from behind me

I turn to see Mr. C standing there with a glass of water and aspirin

"_Yeah you can say that" _scouting up I reach for the water and he hands me it with the aspirin _"Thanks" _

"_Yup" _he says with a smile _"Paula told me she was helping you I kinda didn't believe here at first did you tell her?" _

"_No and I know she even hugged me" _I say to him trying to get up but fail so he helps me up and to the bed

"_So I am taking you and you have an hour so get ready ok take a shower that will make you feel better" _he says as he exits the room

After my shower I check my phone and I have 16 missed phone calls all from Spencer. As I set it down to change it starts ringing I look down at the id and I know I have to answer.

"_Hello" _I say in a sweet tone

"_What the hell where are you I have been calling all morning I thought you were.." _

"_High" _I finish her words for her

"_No I was thinking hurt maybe dead" _she says in a normal voice

"_I'm fine" _

"_Come home Ashley we can figure this out whatever it is" _she sounds so perfect right now and it makes me want to listen to hear but I know I can't

"_I can't I have to go I love you" _I hang up before she can say anything


	19. An understanding

The clinic wasn't as bad as I thought, I was here for 1 week now and Spencer still had no idea where I was or at least I hoped. I know it is wrong to do, I just hope her mom is keeping her word and making sure Spencer is ok and knows I am fine.

They have me doing breathing exercises for when I start to get hyper I can calm myself down easier. I get out tomorrow morning Mr. C is coming to get me, I don't know if I'm ready but my therapist here says I am so I am just taking her word for it and trying to be strong. I can sleep at night without waking in a sweat, my hands are stable they don't shake as much. I have become very fond of coffee and cigarettes they are my new addiction.

Tonight I can't sleep I know that I have to face Spencer tomorrow so I keep hoping if I stay awake the day won't come. I know what she will say and it will all be correct, she's going to be hurt that I did this with out her. I keep hoping maybe she will just hug me and tell me she is sorry for whatever happened and that all that matters is our love. I just don't see that happening!

I must have fallen asleep sometime between two or three. I don't really remember but now the sun is shining and the birds are chirping days like this I wish I had a blindfold and a BB gun.

After I see my counselor one last time they have me sign my release papers and I am sent on my way. When I get outside Mr. C is standing by his car door with a smile and as I get closer the car the door opens and I turn to Mr. C and he has sorry written all over his face. I don't look right at her face because I know it isn't a pleasant one I keep walking with my head up.

"_Hey" _I say to Spencer as I approach her

"_Hey" _she replies with a high tone _"Hey is all you say after a week of lies" _she is yelling now

"_Spencer honey let's do this at home ok" _Mr. C interrupts her as I stand silent and defeated looking at her

"_I don't have a home, I have an empty house" _Spencer's eyes stay on me

"_Stop ok I had to do it this, be mad but I just want to go home right now" _I push past her and climb in the car. I know this conversation is far from over but I feel tired for the first time since I have been gone

Spencer and her dad get in the car neither making any sort of contact with each other or me. She must be just as pissed at them as me well maybe not as much.

When we pull in the driveway I see Mrs. C's car in the drive. Spencer is the first out of the car leaving me with Mr. C.

"_Sorry it just sort of slipped out on my part" _He turned to me with a faint smile

"_It's ok I'm sorry for bringing you guys into this. How mad is she?" _I ask as I reach for the door handle

"_Oh well you know Spencer she's dealing I think you'll get the storm!" _He gets out of the car

"_Yeah I kind of figured" _when we reach the front door I can hear yelling. Spencer is screaming for her mom to leave

When I open the door the house becomes silent, Paula is standing in the kitchen with a smile and Spencer is high tailing it up the steps.

"_Ashley how was it? Ready to be home?" _I hear her but my attention is all on Spencer

"_Yeah I think I am ready" _I say glancing back at them as I make my way upstairs

I could hear Spencer slamming things around in our room, as I made my way in the room I realized it was her packing my suitcase.

"_What are you doing?" _I asked from a safe distance

"_You don't want to be in this marriage then here is a way out" _she kept throwing clothes and pictures in the suitcase

"_I do want to be in this marriage and a mother to our child," _

"_Yeah bailing isn't a good way to start" _she interrupts me

"_I did this for us I had to I know it was bad the way I did it but I had to" _stepping into the room I see she has all my clothes out of the closet. I reach for my draw on the dresser and that is empty to.

"_I have nothing to say to you Ashley"_ she finally stopped and sat on the ground her head resting on her arms

"_Spencer I love you and now I can be here for you like you said" _I sat down next to her

"_Don't ok just don't" _she stood up and went to the bed

"_You know I am right I'm not bailing I'm right here" _I snuck up behind her and snaked my arm around her waist she tried to pull away but I tightened my grip

"_Ashley the baby" _She said feeling that I had to tight of a grip; I didn't loosen it I pulled her closer into me making sure she couldn't get away

_Shhh, it's ok I won't hurt you or the baby" _I whispered to her as I kissed her neck feeling her relax in my grip, I heard her moan as I kissed her pulse point nibbling a little before I turned her around. Our eyes meet for a split second before I kissed her on her lips tasting her cherry lip balm she has always used. I could feel her start to resist me, slight little pushes away.

"_Ashley my parents stop" _She said trying to get out of my grasp but I am not budging I continue to kiss her she turns her head when I try to go back at her lips so I take her neck instead. I can hear her breathing harder now more moans coming form her lips as I dredge down lower onto the ape of her neck. I move her blouse with my face kissing at the top of her breasts.

"_Stop" _she yells at me and pushes me away I stagger backwards and fall onto the bed. She quickly turns so I can't see her face, I know she is crying. I get up from the bed and take her in my hands only to hold her but she steps forward _"No" _she says sternly

I can feel the adrenaline running in my veins, I'm glad I learned how to breathe to calm myself down even though right now it isn't working very well. I can't help myself from trying again, but this time I am rough and I pick her up and throw her on the bed, not hearing her say a word.

I straddle her waist not even looking at her I slide her shirt up and kiss her breasts sucking on one and letting my hand roam down to her shorts I don't try to unzip them I push my hand in and begin to rub her clit hearing her whimper under me.

All things stop when I hear her I know I have messed up but I can't remember what happened all I know is Spencer is crying and it is because of me. I look up at her she is crying eyes red and whimpers coming from her. I immediately jump up _"Sorry, Sorry I don't Sorry" _I keep repeating it over and over again hoping it will make it better but I know I won't.

I look at the ground and back at Spencer who is now sitting up rubbing the tears out of her eyes. _"Fuck" _I scream as I walk to the door pushing the wall a couple times before I slide down the door crying in my arms.

I can hear Spencer moving around but I don't dare look up not after what I just did I thought this time in my life was over but she just makes me so mad I can't help it sometimes and I know it's not her fault. I hate myself for it

I can feel her close to me and I know she is going to comfort me and I can't let her do that not after what I just did. I stand not looking at her I begin to walk out of the room _"I'll be outside" _I tell her before leaving

I notice that her parents have left when I make it downstairs and in the kitchen. I see Spencer has thrown away all the alcohol bottles which is a good thing for me right now. She is slamming things around upstairs but I don't need to know what I just start to stuff the coffee pot with water and grounds. I grab my smokes out of my bag open them grabbing a stick out lighting and relaxing as the nicotine floods my lungs.

"_Wow I see the clinic didn't get rid of that habit" _Spencer comes from behind me and grabs me a mug and the sugar sliding them in front of me

I don't say anything to her I make my coffee grab my smokes and head for the patio door. I hear her feet behind me she is following me. I sit down on my recliner that is under the shed over hang and sip my coffee watching her come and sit next to me.

"_I want to talk to you" _She says as she reclines her seat back

"_Now?" _I ask her stupidly

"_Yeah now" _she is looking at me now "_I want you to go on the tour without me I'm going to stay at my mom's." _I know I have a shocked look on my face but I was expecting this she is pushing herself away from me.

"_If that is what you want then ok" _she smiles and stares out at the ocean watching the birds swarm over a little part in the water "_they must have found food" _I say to her making her gaze back at me with a grin

"_Spencer I want to be here for you, I really wish you would come with me" _my hand slides to hers and she doesn't pull away

"_I know and I would have wished you told me about the rehab clinic…instead of my mother of all people."_ Her hand stays on mine and I know she isn't mad at me for going just the source I went to for help

"_I had to she is the only one I knew that could help me" _I say to her and as I say it her hand pulls out from under mine

"_Oh and I wasn't here, this hurts Ashley more then you will know" _she stands up to leave but I grab a hold of her hand and she turns with an appalled look. I lean in and kiss her she is letting me. When I pull away from her she puts her head down and lets go of my hand.

"_I'm going to the store for dinner, enjoy the fresh air" _She says to me with a smirk

"_Hey" _I call out to her making her turn

"_What" _

"_Buy me smokes" _her face turns red like she wants to yell but she just nods with a smile and leaves

Love is a funny thing it can make you do things to the one you love the most. Spencer and I say things to hurt each other but forgiveness comes so easily to us. She knows I'm better know she seen it in the bedroom when I backed away. The drugs are gone and as much as I still feel them in my body I know I can never show them the light of day, this is my second chance and I intend to make it work.

Startling out of my thoughts is the sound of my cell phone I quickly reach to answer it.

"_Hello" _As I listen to the other person on the line I feel nausea take over my body. Not knowing whether to scream or cry I run for the keys.


	20. A paranoia cry

The hospital was crowded more people then I am comfortable with. Men would look at me and whisper between each other, women would do the same. I couldn't say it was about me but my paranoia said they were.

I went to the nurse's station only to see her busy with thirty other people. I moved so I could try to get another nurse's attention but as she was telling me to stand in line. I heard my name

"_Ashley thank god you're here" _Mrs. C came quickly grabbing my arm as I smiled at the nurse.

"_She was at the store and collapsed the cashier panicked and called" _my ear seem to drown her out I could ell she was talking but my feet carried me faster towards the room.

Mrs. C walked in first and when I seen her sitting up with a disgusted look in her face I started to hear Mrs. C's voice again _"See she's ok but she still needs to be careful"_

I rushed to her side only to get a eye roll "_I'm fine damn can we go now" _Spencer was agitated at the way she was being treated she hated being fussed over. When she tried to get up her legs went limp for a second and she almost fell.

"_Yeah I see you're fine…what happened Spence?" _I helped her back on the bed noticing she looked pale.

"_I passed out I must need to eat is all..." _she looked up at me with a smile grabbing my hand squeezing it _"I'm fine now can we please just go home" _She knew that smile has always gotten to me and she knew when to use it

"_Yeah we can" _I turned back to Paula who was shaking her head

"_Ashley she needs to stay the night be hydrated and feed" _Paula took the chart in her hand

"_What am I mom an animal?" _Spencer snapped at her while I moved out of the way to stand back and listen I love when Spencer gets into it with her mother, better her then me on both accounts.

"_I didn't mean it that way Spencer…I just mean you need to eat for the baby and yourself when was the last time you ate?" _Paula's question caught my attention has Spencer not been taking care of herself while I was gone. I stepped up in front of Paula.

"_I'll sign whatever papers or she will but we are leaving now" _My voice was strict and no one said anything Paula just nodded and left. Spencer sat still looking up at me

"_Thanks" _she faintly said

"_Oh don't thank me when we get home you are eating" _she nodded and stood to grab her shoes, but I reached down to grab them for her.

Paula was back in a matter of minutes with papers to sign _"they are against doctors orders just to tell you" _She was looking at me with a nasty scowl, but at this point I didn't care I would take care of Spencer not have her mocked by her mother.

"_Thanks mom…I promise I'll eat everything I see ok, I love you" _Spencer leaned in and hugged her mom gave her a quick kiss on her lips before reaching for my hand.

"_Ashley" _Paula beckoned me with her arms open; I felt my eyebrows raise and a smirk come to my face. When I hugged she had a reason whispering to me _"Make sure she eats I think she hasn't been taking care of herself she's in your hands!" _When I pulled away or shall I say when she let my neck go I nodded at her before turning back to Spencer.

"_Ready" _I asked her taking her hand

"_Very much so" _she answered while we walked out, she looked at me with a smile when we reached the doors _"That was weird right my mom huggin you" _

"_Yeah well she is crazy" I_ opened the door with a smile

The car ride how was quiet it consisted of me driving and Spencer leaning her head against the window staring into nowhere. We pulled in the driveway and she was still in thought. I watched her for a minute so distracted by her own thoughts. I reached my hand over and pushed her hair behind her ear startling her a little. The expression she had was blank for a second until she blinked then smiled.

"_We're home you ok?" _I asked still rubbing her cheek

"_Yeah" _she got out of the car as I sat there watching here, she realized I haven't moved yet she turned waving for me to hurry

"_So what do you want to eat?" _I asked as we entered the kitchen she sat at the stool looking at me

"_Yogurt sounds good" _

"_That's all you're going to eat" _I asked sardonically, with a disgusted face I hated when her mom was right

"_Maybe an apple" _she responded with a cute little grin but it wasn't funny now

"_Spencer you have to eat right otherwise…" _

"_I know ok damn" _she flung herself off the stool and to the fridge opening the doors and grabbing the lasagna from the other night throwing it in the oven with a twist of the knob. _"Happy" _she snapped

I looked at her with shock I wanted to say something but decided not to; instead I headed outside for a cigarette. When I came in she was eating while looking at the itinerary for my tour.

"_Feeling better?" _I asked as I took a seat next to her resting my hand on her leg

"_Yeah, sorry I just feel moody is all" _She put her hand on mine and turned to me with a smile pressing her lips on my cheek _"you stink" _she said to me while covering her nose

"_Sorry I have to go shower anyway…want to join?" _I asked her running my hand up her leg

"_No" _she stated quickly which only made my smile turn, she saw me wince at her sudden need to be away from me. _"No I just want to sleep" _her fingers slid over my chin and tugged at me to look at her _"I'll wait up for you" _she smiled as she leaned in for a kiss.

I knew she was trying to make me feel better so I played along.

"_Yeah ok"_ I smiled and walked away laving her there to eat her dinner

My shower didn't take long, but when I came out and into our room she was there sleeping face partially covered by the pillow. I stood and smiled staring at just her beauty even when she slept she was gorgeous. I walked towards her, the covers were hanging off the bed so I grabbed them to cover her.

"_Mmm stay with me" _she mumbled, her eyes still closed with a smile on her face. I lay down with her snuggling behind her wrapping my arms around her resting my hand on her belly.

I slept like a baby that night it was eight and I was in bed sound asleep not even caring about the world. She made me like this content in our world. I wake to the sound of my cell phone ringing.

"_Talk!" _I answered irritated at the person on the other end

"_So I was thinking maybe we could meet in New York when your there and get some late night partying in an put all the shit behind" _This was not the person I wanted to hear on the other end. She had a high pitched tone like maybe she was on coke or just way to much coffee already knowing her probably both.

"_It's to god damn early for you to be calling me Ky" _My sister was annoying she could always get under my skin maybe that's why I haven't talked to her in about 6 months. _"Where are you I'll send money?" _

"_I don't want money I just thought I would call and say congrats!" _I could tell she was snickering at me, my thoughts went to the tabloids getting a hold of my non drug habit

"_Whatever" _I went to flip the phone closed when I heard Spencer's name _"What" _

"_I mean seriously Ash, I would so be outta there I mean she is supposed to love you what a lie" _She was rambling and I rolled to see Spencer no there. I instantly got up pulling on my robe

"_What do you know Ky and how?" _I was starting to feel the anger boil she wouldn't stop giggling _"Kyla Ann" _I screamed into the phone

"_Her and Aiden it's everywhere, Best friend Aiden Denn…" _I hung up before I heard anymore.

I went to look for the newspaper when I opened the front door it was there _"Thank you" _I thought Spencer would have gotten it by now. When I turned she was standing there with a copy of US Weekly and I was on the cover with a caption of "Divorce is a coming for the rockstar" and a picture of Aiden and Spencer kissing.

"_What the fuck" _I grabbed the magazine from her she followed me as I walked into the kitchen slamming the magazine down I quickly turned to her _"Is this real" _

"_No Ashley, I mean we never…" _her eyes fell to the floor _"It never happened outside this house" _

"_So wait your saying it happened more then once" _my eyes pleaded with her to just lie to me if she had to but as her head fell I knew that wasn't going to be the case

"_Only once yes but we kissed before that but only twice I swear" _she grabbed my arm _"Ash don't let this"_

"_I get it ok it's just hard to see and the whole world seeing doesn't make it better" _I shook my head and picked up my phone time for damage control in a major way.

Spencer stood by me as I made my phone call to my manager he was going to have to fix this before the tour. The conversation consisted mostly of me yelling _"I don't want the whole fucking world knowing my wife cheated on me…Do something or your ass is gone." _I would never fire Kent, he was with me through to much.

"_Ashley I'm working on it ok give me a day?" _He asked me with a sincere tone

"_A day but no more it makes me look weak Kent and I can't have that" _I hung up on him and turned to see Spencer staring down at her cup of tea. She looked hurt I never thought of what I was saying until now.

I walked behind her hugging her waist a kissing her neck. _"Sorry, I am just upset" _

"_No Ashley don't apologize this is all my fault" _her head fell more and a sniffle came from her nose.

"_Hey" _I made her turn to face me _"We can do this together ok no one will touch us" _I never let my eyes drop from hers making sure she knew I wasn't mad at her I was mad at the industry for messing with my life.

"_But the talk and now the baby everyone will know?" _

I giggled at her _"Spence I think they would sooner or later figure out I didn't actually get you pregnant" _She smiled at me and shook her head laughing a little while crying at the same time

"_Funny" _her voice was somber and I knew she would need more then a smile and a kiss to make her feel better about the whole situation.

"_Hey how about we go for a walk on the beach and then grab some ice cream, I don't want this to ruin or day?" _she loved to walk on the beach and the ice cream was just the frosting.

"_Really but what about" _I silenced her with a kiss

"_Shhh forget about that" _I whispered to her our lips still in contact with each other.

Our walk on the beach was slow and nice we held hands though we didn't talk much it was still just right like we knew everything was going to be fine as long as we had each other to get through it.

My phone kept ringing and I chose to ignore it, even though it was probably important all that mattered right now was finishing our walk. Spencer was getting her ice cream as I checked my phone to see who was calling me. I had fourteen missed phone calls about five from my manager two from Spencer's parents and seven from Aiden.

I put my phone away as I caught Spencer coming up in front of me.

"_I got you half and half babe" _she said smiling as she bounced up handing me my ice cream cone.

"_Thanks" _taking it from her I noticed people starting to stare, I grabbed Spencer and started to walk away.

"_Woo what is wrong I thought we were gong to sit up there?" _she questioned why I was pulling her away; she turned back and saw the group of people that was now gathered around the little hut. _"Oh I get it, maybe you should call" _

"_No let's just go" _I cut her off from saying my bodyguard I hated them they were always on my ass telling what to do and were to go.

The crowd didn't follow thank god for them because I was in no mood. We were almost home when Spencer stopped and sat down on a rock near the shore.

"_Come on Spence we have to pack still?" _I told her while walking back to were she had stopped

"_So who kept calling you?" _she asked me still looking at the ocean. I rolled my eyes not wanting to answer the question

"_Kent and you're parents! Why?" _I was aggravated and I think she sensed that and figured it was more then that I was never good at hiding things

"_That's it?" _she asked looking at me

"_I'm going in" _I told her walking away Aiden was going to be a problem I just didn't know in what way. _"Come on you can't stay out here alone" _I yelled at her stopping to make sure she got up

As I walked up to the back door I erased Aiden's missed phone calls, no proof no worries right! Spencer wasn't far behind me so I went to the room immediately starting to pull shit out of the dresser grabbing the suitcase from under the bed.

An hour passed and Spencer hasn't come up to help me. So I decided to take a break I needed a cigarette anyway, when I walked downstairs I heard her talking I crept up behind her listening to her conversation.

"_Why did you call?"… "No I'm fine!"… "Of course she's mad Aiden wouldn't you be?"…_her voice elevated and I knew this was never meant to be heard by me _"It's a lie Aiden why would you do that?" _her voice was low and scared.

I cleared my throat and let her know I was there; she turned quickly to look at me. I was smiling _"I have to go" _she said before hanging up _"Why didn't you tell me he called you?" _she asked me trying to turn it all on me

I stood there with a smile _"What did he do was he the one who gave them the picture?" _

"_Yeah he did" _she said and I instantly turned grabbing my keys she knew I where I was going _"Don't he's not worth it" _she called after me

"_Why because he's a loser with no one so he has to use our lives or because you want him?" _I asked her turning to her to catch the reaction in her eyes, which was none but a smirk on her face.

"_I've told you it happened and I'm sorry I can't take it back and you know what I don't want to. He just wants to piss you off because you kicked him out of our lives so he did this yes it was stupid but it doesn't make me want him. I love you and I want this baby with you if I didn't I wouldn't be here trust me I would have left along time ago. So stop with the jealous shit and fix what you have to ok?" _She spit a mouthful at me and it all was the truth I've always hated that she can calm me with a speech make me see I'm being the ass.

"_Fine start packing we're leaving tomorrow at four" _I gave her a kiss before I called Kent to see what he has figured out and tell him that it was a fake that Aiden gave to them, so they need to apologize for the false information.

I was done packing and my manager had made an ass out of the magazine so I was all good to go in everyway except one.

"_Spencer come on and pack" _I yelled down the steps to her where she was watching T.V

"_I told you I'm not going I'll stay with my mom and dad!" _she yelled back at me as I entered the room

"_Yes you are I can't not see you for two months while your pregnant I don't want to miss anything Please just come?" _I pleaded with her letting my lip curl and a pout on my face; she just smiled and shook her head.

"_Oh but you do it every other time" _she stated as she flipped through the channels only to find Rachel Ray repeats. I sat down next to her laying my head down on her lap, staring up at her as she tried to ignore me even though I could see her eyes gazing down at me.

"_We are started from scratch remember so you go where I go" _I say to her as she laughs at my comment _"What?" _I ask her

"_Nothing you're just funny" _

"_Give me this" _I take the remote from her flipping it off that show and turning on Metal Mania _"much better" _I say as I lay my head back down on her putting the remote down my pants.

She started laughing at me while she rubbed her hand through my hair _"You know I can still get that?" _

"_Yeah I know" _I looked at her with an evil grin and she just shook her head laughing


	21. Mystical Ride

She stood there staring at the room her eyes had a certain sparkle to them. I had finally done something right, I pained the room while she was asleep the last three nights sneaking little pieces of furniture in all for the baby's room.

"_Do you like it? I know we said we would do it together…" _She stopped my babbling by kissing me and when she pulled away she had a big smile on her face.

"_I love it Ash I mean really when did you do this?" _

"_While you were sleeping and out it was hard but it's done" _I said to her wrapping my arm around her and pulling her close to me kissing her on the neck.

"_How much time do we have?" _I asked her still kissing her neck sliding my hand around to her ass

"_We have time" _She said laughing as she ran into our bedroom, I smiled and followed her

She was on the bed already with her shirt off, she sat on her knees when I came in. I could see how much the baby was growing inside of her.

"_Stop staring and come touch me already" _she said with a smile her hands stretched out for me to come to her

I ran and jumped on the bed tackling her, she screeched as I landed on her I got up and grabbed her arms pinning her down to the bed.

"_You're so beautiful you know that" _I leaned down and kissed her slipping my tongue into her mouth fighting with hers

"_It's the hormones they bring out the different features that you would never see if I wasn't pregnant" _I looked at her with a questioning look, she had a grin on her face

"_What? I'm just saying" _

"_Ok you need to stop reading those damn magazines and books" _I pushed the hair out of her face only to see her blush. I haven't seen her like this in forever. The first time we made love she blushed like this

"_Mmm I love you even with your crazy reading habits" _I said to her as I leaned down and started to kiss her, her hand moved to the back of my head pulling me into her.

I felt her hand slide down to my ass smacking it. I stopped kissing her and looked at her with shock all over my face, she has never and I mean never smacked my ass she was always a goody good in bed never a sex devil.

"_Spencer?" _I said with desire in my eyes

"_What you don't like it" _she asked smacking me again with a sexy grin

"_God I love you" _I told her as I lay back down onto her kissing her with more passion then I have in a long while. She moaned making my pants become more wet then they were.

I slid her pants off kissing up her thighs looking up to see her staring back at me with lust in her eyes. I climbed back up her body slipping my hand behind her back undoing her bra, smiling I kissed down to her breasts taking her nipple in my mouth letting my tongue roll around taking little nips at her nub. Her hand was frantically rubbing at my head I could feel her trying to push it down to her warm hot sex.

"_Hey slow down there tiger" _I said to her

"_I can't I want to feel you in me nowwww" _She moaned out as my hand slipped down into her under wear. My fingers wet to her lips and teased them as she moaned from my touch. Her hips rose to meet my fingers that were now teasing her.

"_Ashley please" _she moaned jerking toward my hand

I gave her what she wanted pushing two fingers into her, reaching her g spot curling my fingers I let her hips buck into my hand riding it. I kissed her letting her bite on my lips as her orgasm came closer.

"_Oh yes right there" _she called out as my thumb rested on her hard nub, I pushed down letting her move to her own rhythm. I felt her walls start to contact on my fingers I pulled out of her.

"_Ash no what are you doin" _she squealed

"_I want to taste you" _I told her as I slid down her body pushing her legs apart. She arched her back anticipating my mouth on her.

I licked the side of her lips, smelling her scent made me want to taste her more. I stuck my tongue in her letting her grind on my face. I let my tongue massage her clit as I sucked on her nub making her moan and shake in pleasure. I kept my rhythm on her center as I stuck a finger in her. She rocked her hips grinding into my face, I could tell she was started to climax.

"_Oh right there yeah…oh please more" _I knew she wanted another finger in her as stuck in the second she moaned louder slamming into my fingers.

"_God yes I'm cuming" _She screamed

I felt her slow and shake as she came on my face. I licked her a couple more times before she closed her legs turning on her side.

"_Mmm babe you tasted so good" _I told her as I climbed up to lay bedside her. I could see she was blushing. Spencer always was shy after she let herself go wild in front of me. I though it was cute after all these years I could still make her blush.

"_Stop"_ she laughed pulling the blanket to cover her face.

"_Hey you can't hide from me let me see you… beautiful" _I pulled the cover off of her to see she had tears in her eyes _"Oh Spence don't cry" _I told her kissing her neck

"_I'm sorry it think it's the hormones I'm ok" _she smiled and kissed me

We laid there for a little while cuddling. She dozed off while I was rubbing her belly thinking of what it's going to be like to have a baby around here.

My phone started ringing on the dresser I tried to ignore it but I knew it would wake her and I wanted her to sleep before our trip. I reached over and grabbed it glimpsing at the id to see who it was, a look of disgust graced my face as I seen it was Aiden.

"_What do you want?" _I poke into the phone while sliding out from behind Spencer; I had to leave the room so I could speak with out her waking or more importantly hearing

"_I want to see you before you leave"_

"_Why we have nothing to say to you" _

"_Ashley come on we use to be friends, this is hard for me too" _he spoke in a soft tone

"_Really when you threatened me it didn't feel like it" _I spoke sardonically to him

"_I was mad but I got it know ok I just want to be able to see this kid is all, stop feeling threatened" _

I pulled the phone away from my ear only to shake it wishing he would just shut up and go away

"_You don't scare me Spencer would never be with you" _I finally spoke after a minute checking my anger

"_It's my D.N.A Ashley, that means my baby I can-" _

"_Finish that sentence and you wish you never lived" _he was starting to get on my nerves with his pointless threats. I've known him for a long time and the boy had no balls when it came to going through with anything.

"_What are you going to do huh kill me" _He asked rather quickly with a slight laugh

"_Now Aiden you know better to think that but I will have you shut up so don't test me because you won't like the result." _ I was pacing now on the back porch with a cigarette in hand trying to stay calm enough to not start yelling

"_Whatever I'll talk to Spencer she will agree that I should at least get to see him or her" _he was trying to get me to weaken lose my temper but I was not going to fall for it

"_Try it you'll never get close enough to her" _I said with a smirk

"_Maybe I can you'll never know she's not like us she cares Ashley you forget that" _he said to me in a cocky tone more then likely with a smile on his face

"_Is that another threat Aiden, I don't get it why do you care you never wanted this you just wanted me to hurt and you did that so what now you think you can break up my home you have got to be high"_ I spoke in a calm smart ass tone taking my last drag from my cigarette, lighting another after to calm my nerves that were still on edge

"_See that's where you're wrong I'm not the one that is publicized for being reckless thats you. You'll be the one to lose it all for yourself and I'll be here waiting for my child and Spencer to fall into my lap and believe she'll be in my lap." _ I knew what he was trying to do and I was starting to fall for it, I threw my cigarette on the ground stomping it

"_Fuck you Aiden! All these years I knew you wanted her and you'll never have her or anything to do with her ever again so that was your last fuck up trust me you better start running" _I threw my phone after I yelled at him I was to wound up I needed to breath. My achilles heal is her and it always has been ever since we meet.

"_Mother fucker thinks he's cute we'll see how cute he is" _I mumbled to myself as I paced the porch back and forth.

I was consumed with rage not the kind were you want to hit something but where it is all fueled by someone that is not in the wrong. I was mad at myself for letting him get to me making me think about Spencer in a negative way. I was more mad at her for all of this, I was in something I never thought I would be in if I never loved her I wouldn't be here I would be in some desolate part of the world so high and emotionless I wouldn't remember my name.

But I do love her and I am here, I swore off drugs and alcohol the last not so willingly but it only leads me to more things. I couldn't be mad at her for his bullshit. He was right on one account if I did fuck up she would go to him not willingly but that's what would happen and I would die before I let it happen again. I sat down on the step putting my head down sighing trying to take a breath, not let myself lose it. I the door slide open I didn't have to look up I could feel her eyes on me.

"_Why did you let me sleep?" _she asked as her hand slide down my shoulder, her feet coming in front of me and the warm breath on my neck.

"_You looked exhausted" _I told her my hands meeting hers

"_The limo is here" _

"_Already"_

"_Yeah the driver rang the door you didn't hear it?" _she asked drawing circles on my thighs

"_No sorry" _

"_Well let's go, you ok?" _she asked starting to get up

"_Yeah I'm good"_ I lied if she knew about Aiden she would get upset and she didn't need that drama

I stood up meeting her eyes smiling she leaned in and kissed me

"_Ash those cigarettes taste nasty" _her nose scrunched and she turned to leave I reached for her pulling her back

"_I love you" _I told her kissing her again

"_What is going on Ashley?" _she knew something was wrong but just what it was, she didn't know

"_Nothing I can't handle" _I told her pulling her behind me as I went in, she didn't protest she knew I wasn't telling so why waste the breath

The limo ride was quiet I was to busy thinking of what Aiden said and she was to busy stuffing her face with strawberries.

"_You think the baby likes these?" _she broke the silence holding up a strawberry smiling at me

"_Do you feel sick yet" _I asked looking at her with a mouth full of food, she was to cute

"_No why?" _she looked at me puzzled

"_Well then it must because you have ate at least two pounds" _I smiled

"_Hey…Funny" _she said to me throwing one at me, I smiled picking it up taking a bite

"_Finally you share" _I said with a smirk

"_So you going to tell me what was wrong back at the house?" _she took another bit before moving closer to me laying her head in my lap staring up at me

I sighed, _"Nothing" _I looked back out the window. I felt her staring up at me with those eyes _"What" _I looked down at her

"_Nothing" _she said looking away

She always did this it was her way to get me to talk, but I couldn't budge not this time. So I just ignored it went back to staring out the window. She sighed getting up and going back to her seat eating more strawberries

"_Don't say anything!" _she said to me I just smiled not saying a word

The studio entrance was cram packed with fans screaming as the limo drove in. Spencer stared out the window she looked almost scared. I grabbed her hand smiling assuring her it would be ok

"_Is it always like this?" _she asked still amazed at the crowd

"_Yeah worse sometimes, but we have major security" _I told her fixing my shirt before the camera's snapped

The limo stopped behind the gates I saw the tour bus and some of the guys standing around. I looked at Spencer grinning

"_Ready to get this over with?" _

"_Yeah I guess" _she said scooting forward toward the door

"_Hey it's just camera's no talking ok just show everyone that smile" _I kissed her before the door opened my manager standing in front of me with the itinerary.

"_Didn't think you were gonna make it" _he reached to help Spencer out of the limo.

"_It's a bus not a plane Kent" _I said back to him sarcastically rolling my eyes toward Rocky the drummer he was my favorite out of the group he was my rock when I was out on tour alone.

I walked to him giving him a hug _"Missed you big guy" _I whispered to him receiving a smile.

"_So you finally brought the little one huh" _He asked his voice echoing with a deep tone

"_Yeah I'm here" _Spencer answered him back stumbling back as he grabbed her hugging her.

"_Hey precious cargo there Rock" _I said to him laughing as I signaled him to put her down

When he put Spencer down she came to me I wrapped an arm around her smiling toward him.

"_Thanks for taking care of her for me I know she is trouble" _Spencer said to him nudging me.

"_No problem it's my honor" _he smiled and walked away. He was my bodyguard even though he was part of the band too when things got rough he was the first one there the guys we paid couldn't cut it useless I always told them

The camera's started to flash so I turned waving flicking a couple off who I knew where assholes. Spencer smiled and smacked me for flicking them off I knew that would make a cover. We boarded the bus after the band was all set up in there little areas, all smiles.

"_Gee guys what's up" _I said to them they never acted this way they were all routey and loud usually

"_Oh just waiting for your majesty" _Trent said with a smart ass smile. I get they didn't like the no drugs thing but I wasn't taking a bus full of assholes for the tour

"_Fuck off Trent if you don't like the new rules then there's the door you think you're the only guitarist that wants to be in this band" _I let go of Spencer and was in Trent's face he was the one that would mouth off to me trying to pick fights.

"_Ashley stop they don't have to stop their partying because of me I'm not that fragile, Sorry guys I didn't think my being here would put you all out" _Spencer burst in stopping me from knocking Trent down a notch I can't say I was happy but I wasn't going to yell at her for it

"_Spencer-"_

"_They will stop because she's pregnant and it's not right you want to party we stop you can do it then" _Rocky came through the back surprising us all, staring at the group

"_Pregnant?" _Larry asked shocked her was the back up singer and did a mean mix on the keyboard.

"_Yeah guys that's why she's here so no smoking ok Please" _I looked around making sure I met all there eyes letting them no I was serious.

"_No we got it Ash but huh don't you want to tell us something" _Trent smirked as he asked

"_What?" _

"_I mean you got equipment… I knew the ladies like you for a reason" _

"_What no ass, oh and really funny" _I faked laughed at him throwing a pretzel over at him

"_Oh I get it" _Larry chimed in he never really was bright;

We all laughed and joked for a little while. But I realized Spencer was no where around me so I slipped out and into the back of the bus.

There she was sleeping on the bed with the blankets pulled over her face so the sun wouldn't shine in. The curtains where a little tricky, I pulled them down and uncovered her. I had to smile she had her mouth open and drool hanging out. I bent down and gave her a kiss, before going to the window seat to sit and write it has been a while since I felt inspired to write a new song. I knew the perfect thing to say and it was all to her.


	22. Jail baits

The crowd cheered for an encore as we walked off stage full of sweet and in need of a beverage. I smiled at Spencer who sat in my chair watching the monitor, Kent was behind her talking but she was lost in m eyes. I made a funny face at her and she smiled shaking her head as she went back to listening to Kent.

We headed back to the stage to give the fans what they wanted, our last song of the night. I smiled as the drums rolled to a stop and my voice came to a stop. The fans cheered screaming our names, a couple through there hats on stage trying to get a signature. Kent rushed out and grabbed them from me.

"_No we don't have time tonight" _he threw the hats back into the crowd.

"_Hey ass I have all the time in the world to sign two hats" _I walked backstage after him grabbing his arm making him stop

"_What is your deal, our next concert is at eight tomorrow." _

"_It's time to go Ashley" _he looked at me with concern in his eyes. I got it then once he moved do I could see the group of women behind the stage door. It was too late though Spencer had followed my eyes. She sighed and walked away

"_Nice!" _I said to Kent before leaving to chase after Spencer.

"_Spence come on I told you this would happen" _I spoke to her as she came to the doors

"_I told you I didn't want to come didn't I? But no you made me anyway" _She turned to me with anger in her voice

"_I know just don't be mad, I haven't done anything" _

"_Yeah not yet" _I grimaced as she walked out the doors that lead to the bus, I watched as my security walked her safely in

"_That hurts" _Rock spoke from behind me

"_Yeah I don't think she will ever trust me again and you know what I don't blame her" _I took a seat on the golf cart that was there to haul people

"_She will you just have to give her time, plus she's pregnant so she's moody and you're her only punching bag" _He smiled as he pulled me close to him pressing the gas he floored it to the doors luckily the guards are quick on their feet jumping to open the doors.

The bus was quiet; the guys went out for a drink leaving only me and Spencer to head to the hotel. It should have been nice but instead it was her in the back with the door locked and me up front chatting with Penny our driver.

She was in her sixties little lady with blond hair mostly grey. I have always liked her ever since our other driver fell over from a drug overdose. She was our replacement for the rest of the trip but I kept asking for her every time we went out on a tour so she is the driver now.

We had regular conversations, she loved the Cleveland Browns I think she was from there when she was little always talking about the dog pound and the fans. She hated what the team has done the last five years but she says there looking better, A new hope she called it.

"_So your saying if they win the city would riot?" _I asked her sitting on the top step of the bus

"_That's what would happen the city wouldn't sleep for weeks" _she looked at me quickly before refocusing on the road

"_Sounds wrong too me" _

"_Makes sense to me" _she quipped with a smile

"_So what do you think of Spencer?" _ I asked her this being the first time she has seen her.

"_Honey I think she is a strapping young lady that is too good for you" _she had a smirk on her face but I knew she was speaking the truth, and she was right I am just lucky way lucky.

"_Hey now" I_ screeched

"_You asked I tell, you know what she is having?" _

"_Nah not yet I'm wishing for a girl but my luck it will be a boy and look just like his father" _

"_Haa" _she laughed _"Wish for a girl get a boy, wish for a boy get a girl" _

"_Ok I wish for a boy" _I said with a laugh

"_How's the sobriety?" _she asked in a strict voice

"_One day at a time is what they tell me, I say one second at a time but having Spencer here helps even if she is mad" _I told her looking back at the closed doors hoping Spencer would come pt and just talk to me

"_Ah well she'll come around you hurt her trust is a hard thing to gain back, Gain being the key word" _she said before honking her horn _"Jackass watch what your doing" _she yelled out the window at a sports car that had cut us off

I laughed as I got up, leaving her to drive I knew we were almost there so I treaded back to get Spencer. I knocked but nothing I decided to turn the handle. The door opened and Spencer sat reading a book, she didn't look up just kept her nose in the book as I sat beside her.

"_Hey were almost to the hotel" _I pushed the book down

"_Don't I'm almost done!"_ She snarled at me and continued reading

"_I should have went out" _I whispered as I got up

"_What? Ashley if you want to go out GO" _she yelled at me before getting up to had to the front of the bus

"_I will then, its better then sitting here with you all pissed at me for nothing…I can't control what people do Spencer" _I followed her to the bathroom

"_I have to pee" _she tried slamming the door

"_Then go you've pissed in front of me before" _I pushed the door back and took a step in, She was giving me that look of hers like she was going to strangle me. I sighed, smiling I closed the door.

I waited for her to come out ten minutes later the door opened, the bus had stopped and she stood with tears in her eyes. I hated that she had to go through this; it made me want to cry for her.

"_Spence, babe don't cry come on let's go to bed" _I got up hugging her as she stood in the doorway. I could feel her relax in my arms, she started to cry harder. She had to let it all out

She nodded, so we walked out of the bus and to the hotel luckily for us no camera's flashed. The doorman smiled at me as he opened the door for us

"_Always a pleasure having you Mrs. Davies" _

"_Thanks Al you know Penny still has that thing for you" _I winked at him as I walked by he blushed at my comment. I knew they liked each other but neither would make a move.

"_What was that about" _Spencer asked with a sniffle

"_They want each other" _I said to her with a smile

"_Ashleyyy" _She nudged into me as we entered the elevator

"_What it's so obvious, I think I should trick them out together" _

"_How you gonna do that?" _

"_I have my ways" _I said as we walked out of the elevator and into the room. Penthouse was always nice the elevator opened right into it.

"_Yeah I almost forgot" _with a sarcastic tone and a saunter she walked off into the kitchen

"_What is that suppose to mean? And are we going to talk about earlier?" _ I asked following after her

"_Nothing and there's nothing to talk about, I nor you have control of those girls actions…Right!" _She filled her glass with milk and grabbed a banana, walking away again

"_Ok sure" _I stood there shaking my head as she walked away. I had to be strong she was new to this and I couldn't let her get down on me. I walked onto the balcony taking in the wind and the view of New York I lit my cigarette turning to see she was watching me, I felt her eyes on me. I inhaled the smoke and blew it out at the window she made a finger gesture then walked away. I turn back to the view laughing, I loved New York the city from a far was beautiful, up-close a little rouged but still had its uniqueness.

I felt her again and as I turned she stood there as beautiful as ever in her nightgown. She opened the door and stepped out; she came to the railing leaning over a little only to see me jump.

"_Dammit Spencer, you know I hate that shit" _I grabbed her away from the side pulling her down on my lap, she turned and smirked

"_I know that's what makes it fun" _Her eyes gazed at mine then turned to look in the night sky

"_I still don't see the intrigue you have with this city, it is dirty and you can't see the stars even from up here." _She liked to argue with me about my love for the city, but tonight I wasn't playing.

"_Sorry about earlier I should have known" _I let my hand slide through her hair,

"_I said I don't care" _she fidgeted in my lap

"_But you do, I would have freaked -" _

"_See Ash that's the difference between me and you I can control my anger" _she stood up _"I'm gonna go to sleep, don't stay up to late" _She leaned down and kissed me on the forehead. I pulled her back and kissed her lips, my tongue rubbed up against her lip asking permission. She smiled and pulled away_ "I'm tired" _

"_I wasn't asking for sex Spencer just a kiss" _I stood and rushed inside before I said something I would regret, grabbing my cell I went to the bathroom. When I turned on the water for my bath I noticed I had a new voicemail.

"_Ashley I'm sorry ok I just-" _She stopped once she saw I had my finger up shushing her. I was listening to Rocky

"_Hey Ash don't freak ok Trent got into a fight and well he's in jail and um so is Kent. We kind of need you down here, I'm sorry" _I slammed the phone down twisting the water off, then I looked up at Spencer and turned it back on.

"_Take a bath I have to go out for a while I'll be back" _I kissed her and then headed for the door

"_Hey, where are you going its late and who was on the phone?" _Spencer rushed in front of me blocking the door

"_The guys are in trouble I have to go bail them out ok I'll be back post hasty" _I smiled and moved her out of the way, leaving her there bewildered.

The officer at the front desk was being a major pain. Rock was no where around and I had no clue what was really going on. An older man came from behind the closed doors, he was looking at me smiling.

"_Ok Mrs. Davies your manager was arrested for possession of narcotics he has a…five thousand set bond, and Mr. Doyle was arrested for possession and a domestic dispute he has a thirty thousand set bond." _He looked up from his clip board smiling at me, I just grinned with a fake smile and a huff of air escaped my mouth.

"_Ok sure whatever can you tell me where the guy that came in here asking for them is please" _I said looking at the grey haired man

"_Ma'am I have no idea sorry, this officer here will help you know" _He said walking away

"_So how are you going to pay there is a bond's man across the road" _the jackass behind the desk said with a smile

"_Ok thanks" _I turned away opening my cell_ "Shit" _I thought as I realized I had no clue who to call our last lawyer stole from us and we had to fire him Kent hired a new guy and I have no clue how to contact him.

I dialed the only person that may know

"_Hello" _Spencer answered groggily

"_Hey baby I'm sorry to wake you but do you know the new number for the lawyer"_

"_Hold on!" _she whispered in the phone _"Is everything ok" _she asked

"_Yeah just typical shit" _

"_It's um 555-8162, hurry up ok" _

"_I'm trying I gotta go love you" _I said flipping my phone closed

I called Jake our lawyer, asking him to come down here. This was too big for me Kent I could get out but the thirty grand I wasn't paying for Trent's ass, not that I didn't have it just maybe there is a better way.

I waited for Jake to come, I sat on the bench by the doors. I keep thinking about Rock, he still isn't answering my phone calls this was all bad. I knew the show tomorrow would be canceled and that pisses me off. I hated to cancel shows it made the fans mad and the critics talk it only made us look bad.

"_Ashley, hi I'm Jake" _He was a clean cut young guy hot if I was into that.

"_Hey so I can leave now right" _I asked him

"_Yeah but don't you want to stay?" _he seemed thrown off by my not wanting to stay

"_No, my job starts tomorrow tonight it is all you" _I said with a smile as I pointed the officer out to him _"Good Luck" _

I decided to go to the bar that I knew Rocky would be at, it wasn't a good idea but I had to make sure he was ok. When I walked into the bar all eyes fell on me not for long but it felt long enough. I walked to the bar seeing the usual bartender bigger lady with long dark hair bottle of Jack in hand and a shot glass smiling as I came to the stool.

"_See your always prepared for me" _I took the shot looking at it before I took it

"_So I hear the wife is with you this trip" _she asked pouring another shot

"_News travels fast, seen Rocky?" _I smiled swigging the next shot

"_Yeah he's in the back room I think" _

"_Thanks" _I took the last shot and through a hundred on the counter

The dance floor was crowded with women hot women all having their eyes on me. Before I reached the back room I realized I was being followed. I ignored it opening the back door to see Rocky wasted laying on the floor.

"_Shit, Rock get up" _I rushed to his side trying to get him up I wondered if this is how I looked when he found me.

"_Ashleyyy my favy ladddyy" _he slurred as he tried to get up

"_Oh shut up and get up you big Ox" _I said smacking him, he started snickering and then started to puke _"Oh fuckin great" _I stood up

"_I've missed you, can't even call" _the voice was familiar; Alex was the only one that had slut written all over her voice. I turned to see her standing smiling with a cigarette in hand

"_No right no actually never just go away" _I tried to get Rock back up again, to no avail he stood barely falling back into the wall

"_Let's go big guy" _I roped my arm under his walking out of the room

"_Hey Chrissie you got a mess back there" _I yelled to the bartender who was shaking her head

I made it to the car getting Rock in with the help of the driver. When I turned around Alex was right behind me.

"_So how I the girlfriend" _she asked moving close into me

"_Wife and she is none of your business so go back to your hole" _I told her moving out from between her and the car

"_Let's go have some fun I have the snow" _she whispered seductively I my ear

I turned to push her away, and I did but not before a flash snapped from beside me.

"_Hey don't you even think of printing that I will so have your job" _I screamed as the man ran off, I turned and glared at Alex _"Whore" _was all that came out of my mouth as I climbed into the car.


	23. Close up

When I arrived back at the hotel I had my security come help me with Rocky. He was passed out and way to heavy for me to help. I made sure he was in bed safely before going back to Spencer. I hope that she is awake otherwise I have to wake her and I hate waking her but I can't let her wake to see my face in a magazine with a girl about ready to kiss me.

I can hear the T.V when I walk in,

"_Ash?" _she calls out

"_Yeah babe it's me" _I put my keys down and take of my jacket, before I go spill

"_Ok just making sure, Oh Jake called said everything is sorted Kent will call you tomorrow" _

"_Cool, so what are you watching" _I ask as I sit down next to her pulling her feet onto my lap

"_Nothing really just flippin till you got back" _she said with a smile

"_Hey so I have to tell you something you may not like, but know I didn't do a damn thing" _She pulled away her feet sitting up. I swear she was always prepared for the worst

"_Tell me" _she looked at me already hurt and concerned

"_Well some guy took a picture of Alex up in my face it looks-"_

"_Hold who is Alex?" _Spencer looked at me inquiringly

"_Some groupie" _I stopped with the details not wanting to get into it, her head dropped and she stood up pacing the room

"_So you and her…I mean you two-" _she was skipping over words

"_Spencer nothing happened I was helping Rocky in the car and she came up behind and when I turned bam she was there" _I stood and walked over to her stopping her from wearing out the carpet _"Come on Spence you know me, look at me" _

She looked up and her eyes were filled with tears that were ready to flow _"I want to believe you Ashley I just can't" _She said walking away

"_Spencer" _I followed her to the bed

"_Can we just sleep Ash, I'm tired" _She asked me with pleading eyes as she got into the bed

"_Yeah we can do that" _I said as I got undressed and laid next to her

I didn't want to sleep I wanted to talk, I stared at the ceiling for what felt like hours until I heard her breathing heavily. I rolled out of bed if I had to sleep I needed a smoke before hand. I stood and stared at the ant like lights that were below me, three in the morning and so many people still awake.

I felt wired from all the chaos that had happened tonight this cigarette wasn't going to settle me. My mind kept racing thinking weird thoughts about life, Spencer the baby. I guess that's what addicts do make there minds work overtime so it's an excuse to use the drugs to calm.

My smoke was done and I felt like I needed something else anything to calm myself, it was a weird feeling and it happened at the mellowest times.

I found myself staring into the fridge Spencer didn't get rid of all the liquor maybe she forgot, no Jack but there was rum always a second choice. I grabbed the bottle and set it down on the counter tapping my fingers on the bottle I walked away. I needed to see if she was sleeping and she was curled into the fetal position with her face half covered and partial hair in her face.

I drank a couple drinks I can drink one tonight it won't hurt me, only one I thought. I poured myself a drink half ice half vodka; I sat and swished the drink around in my hands, I walked back to the balcony as I slid the door shut I heard my phone ringing. I set the glass down trying to get to the phone before it woke Spencer but it was too late she had the phone in her hand holding it up n the air handing it to me while she yawns.

"_Hello" _slightly out of breath and with a hint of annoyance my voice echoed

"_Sorry for the late night call Ashley but I really need for you to listen and if Spencer is there just say hello again" _the women's voice rang high pitched and stressed

"_Hello" _I said feeling a little dumb

"_Ok her dad is in the hospital he'll be ok but I needed for you to know first so you can tell her" _Paula squealed

"_Me what" _

"_She's fragile right now and you're there trust me I don't like this" _

"_Ok well what happened" _I asked looking at Spencer who was now at the sink filling a glass of water

"_He had a minor stroke, he can function fine just he can't walk that well" _it was almost like I could see her smiling on the other end of the phone her vice sounded cocky like it was a joke

"_We'll come home first thing"_ I said in a whisper

"_No" _she shouted _"Make sure she knows to stay there that he is fine" _her voice lowered trying to calm

"_You could sound more reassuring you know, and there is no way I can keep her here" _I sat on the bed only to jump back up Spencer was out on the balcony vodka glass in hand _"Shit" _I said out loud

"_What?" _Paula questioned

"_Nothing we'll call you I have to go bye" _I walked to the balcony phone still in hand.

Spencer sat down on the chair looking at the dark sky, the glass still in hand

"_It will never stop will it Ash?" _she asks not looking at me

"_Spencer I need to tell you something" _I said kneeling in front of her

"_No more telling Ashley I've had enough secrets" _she said frowning at me

"_Ok first it's just one glass and I didn't even drink any and two this right now doesn't matter I need you to listen and stay calm" _I said to her taking the vodka glass from her

"_What your scaring me Ash who was on the phone" _She asked her face filled with worry

"_Your mom, she called for me to tell you that your dad-" _

"_Nope not listening" _she stood up putting her hands to her ears like a child would do if you were yelling at them

"_Spencer come on" _I tried to stop her but she pushed me out of the way

"_Drink your vodka I'm going back to sleep" _she stopped and looked at me with a child like expression her dad was her world and I new that _"tell me in the morning ok" _she told me with a tear in her eyes but a smile on her face.

I could only nod _"Ok" _I couldn't drink not tonight; I was needed by her right now. I slid in bed behind her wrapping my arms around her I could feel her shaking as I knew the tears ran down her face I wished I could take all of them away. _"Shhh babe its ok he's going to be fine" _we laid like that all night never once budging

The sun shined in my eyes as they tried to open from last nights sleep. I reached my arms stretching feeling for Spencer but she was not in reach. I opened my eyes searching for her, my heart started to race thinking she left me and went home. I jumped up and searched for her not finding her and then I heard it the sound of the shower. I took a deep breath and sat down at the counter waiting for here to come out.

My cell flashed from across the room, I got up to look at who I missed Kent who I would call later, Paula I will wait for Spencer and Aiden of all people I didn't want to talk to. When I set it down and started to walk away it started ringing. It made me jump I turned back to see it was Aiden calling me.

"_When are you going to take the hint you can't touch us" _I sarcastically spoke into the phone

"_I have some pictures that say different" _Aiden said back laughing in the phone

"_I told her so go ahead try, make yourself look like a fool" _this time it was me laughing

"_Photo shop can do wonders Ash" _

"_Fuck you Aiden I'm not in the mood for your shit, I told Kent I wanted a restraining order out on you so keep calling me asshole" _I hung up tossing the phone onto the counter

"_Who was that" _Spencer stood behind me

"_Fuck Spencer you have to stop doing shit like that" _I said turning to her and smiling

"_Sorry answer my question" _

"_No one" _I tried to sound convincing

"_I know it was Aiden how long has he been calling you for" _she followed me as I walked to the balcony

"_If you knew why do you ask me then, that's asinine" _I light my cigarette making sure the smoke didn't go in her face

"_Ashley" _she whined for me to just answer

"_Go inside I don't want you by the smoke I'll be in, in a sec" _I waved my hand at her

"_Then maybe you shouldn't smoke" _

"_Yeah maybe but I am so gooo" _I pushed her in sliding the door shut

I watched her go to the luggage to get out her clothes for the day. She hasn't said anything to me about her dad yet I don't know if that should scare me or not. I shake it off and decide to call Kent to see what was going on, I run back in to grab my phone snatching the coffee of the table its Spencer's but she shouldn't be drinking it anyway.

The phone rings and rings but no answer so I call Rocky after two rings he picks up

"_Hello" _he answer I can tell he is very hung over

"_Hey big guy how you feeling" _I giggled as I asked

"_Mmm what the hell happened last night I remember calling you telling you bout the guys, after I am lost" _

"_Well I dragged you out of the bar and security but you in bed, but you were gone"_

"_I feel dead" _he laughed _"So how about Kent and Trent?" _

"_I don't know Kent called me but now he's not answering and I didn't call stupid" _I said laughing

"_Last night was crazy I'm glad you weren't there" _

"_Yeah well I have to go Spencer's dad is sick so we may have to fly back to L.A"_

"_That sucks he alright?" _

"_Yeah I guess so well I'll see you in a while"_

"_Bye"_

When I hung up Spencer was standing there staring at me

"_Damn what did I tell you about scaring me" _I walked past her

"_Sorry I want to know about my dad know my mom keep calling me and I want to hear it from you first" _she said looking at me with slight tears in her eyes

"_She said he had a stroke but a mild one full functioning just hard for him to walk" _I took her hand as the tears started to fall. It's always hard having one of your parents hurt; though I never was close with mine I would still feel horrible if something happened to them. I guess that's parents try to hide painful things from their kids.

"_I want to go home and see him" _she said while she hugged me

"_I'm already in that, But your mom doesn't want you there I guess she is scared you'll stress out"_

"_He's my dad Ashley" _she harshly pulled away from me

"_I know Babe I never said I agreed with her, where going today ok. I just want you to promise me to stay calm and don't panic the baby-"_

"_I know" _she interrupted me

"_I'll go call the airline" _I told her kissing her before I walked away

* * *

Thanks for the reviews guys i love reading them i hope you like this chap kinda boring but haa you tell me RR


	24. A hospital and a confession

When I arrived back at the hotel I had my security come help me with Rocky. He was passed out and way to heavy for me to help. I made sure he was in bed safely before going back to Spencer. I hope that she is awake otherwise I have to wake her and I hate waking her but I can't let her wake to see my face in a magazine with a girl about ready to kiss me.

I can hear the T.V when I walk in,

"_Ash?" _she calls out

"_Yeah babe it's me" _I put my keys down and take of my jacket, before I go spill

"_Ok just making sure, Oh Jake called said everything is sorted Kent will call you tomorrow" _

"_Cool, so what are you watching" _I ask as I sit down next to her pulling her feet onto my lap

"_Nothing really just flippin till you got back" _she said with a smile

"_Hey so I have to tell you something you may not like, but know I didn't do a damn thing" _She pulled away her feet sitting up. I swear she was always prepared for the worst

"_Tell me" _she looked at me already hurt and concerned

"_Well some guy took a picture of Alex up in my face it looks-"_

"_Hold who is Alex?" _Spencer looked at me inquiringly

"_Some groupie" _I stopped with the details not wanting to get into it, her head dropped and she stood up pacing the room

"_So you and her…I mean you two-" _she was skipping over words

"_Spencer nothing happened I was helping Rocky in the car and she came up behind and when I turned bam she was there" _I stood and walked over to her stopping her from wearing out the carpet _"Come on Spence you know me, look at me" _

She looked up and her eyes were filled with tears that were ready to flow _"I want to believe you Ashley I just can't" _She said walking away

"_Spencer" _I followed her to the bed

"_Can we just sleep Ash, I'm tired" _She asked me with pleading eyes as she got into the bed

"_Yeah we can do that" _I said as I got undressed and laid next to her

I didn't want to sleep I wanted to talk, I stared at the ceiling for what felt like hours until I heard her breathing heavily. I rolled out of bed if I had to sleep I needed a smoke before hand. I stood and stared at the ant like lights that were below me, three in the morning and so many people still awake.

I felt wired from all the chaos that had happened tonight this cigarette wasn't going to settle me. My mind kept racing thinking weird thoughts about life, Spencer the baby. I guess that's what addicts do make there minds work overtime so it's an excuse to use the drugs to calm.

My smoke was done and I felt like I needed something else anything to calm myself, it was a weird feeling and it happened at the mellowest times.

I found myself staring into the fridge Spencer didn't get rid of all the liquor maybe she forgot, no Jack but there was rum always a second choice. I grabbed the bottle and set it down on the counter tapping my fingers on the bottle I walked away. I needed to see if she was sleeping and she was curled into the fetal position with her face half covered and partial hair in her face.

I drank a couple drinks I can drink one tonight it won't hurt me, only one I thought. I poured myself a drink half ice half vodka; I sat and swished the drink around in my hands, I walked back to the balcony as I slid the door shut I heard my phone ringing. I set the glass down trying to get to the phone before it woke Spencer but it was too late she had the phone in her hand holding it up n the air handing it to me while she yawns.

"_Hello" _slightly out of breath and with a hint of annoyance my voice echoed

"_Sorry for the late night call Ashley but I really need for you to listen and if Spencer is there just say hello again" _the women's voice rang high pitched and stressed

"_Hello" _I said feeling a little dumb

"_Ok her dad is in the hospital he'll be ok but I needed for you to know first so you can tell her" _Paula squealed

"_Me what" _

"_She's fragile right now and you're there trust me I don't like this" _

"_Ok well what happened" _I asked looking at Spencer who was now at the sink filling a glass of water

"_He had a minor stroke, he can function fine just he can't walk that well" _it was almost like I could see her smiling on the other end of the phone her vice sounded cocky like it was a joke

"_We'll come home first thing"_ I said in a whisper

"_No" _she shouted _"Make sure she knows to stay there that he is fine" _her voice lowered trying to calm

"_You could sound more reassuring you know, and there is no way I can keep her here" _I sat on the bed only to jump back up Spencer was out on the balcony vodka glass in hand _"Shit" _I said out loud

"_What?" _Paula questioned

"_Nothing we'll call you I have to go bye" _I walked to the balcony phone still in hand.

Spencer sat down on the chair looking at the dark sky, the glass still in hand

"_It will never stop will it Ash?" _she asks not looking at me

"_Spencer I need to tell you something" _I said kneeling in front of her

"_No more telling Ashley I've had enough secrets" _she said frowning at me

"_Ok first it's just one glass and I didn't even drink any and two this right now doesn't matter I need you to listen and stay calm" _I said to her taking the vodka glass from her

"_What your scaring me Ash who was on the phone" _She asked her face filled with worry

"_Your mom, she called for me to tell you that your dad-" _

"_Nope not listening" _she stood up putting her hands to her ears like a child would do if you were yelling at them

"_Spencer come on" _I tried to stop her but she pushed me out of the way

"_Drink your vodka I'm going back to sleep" _she stopped and looked at me with a child like expression her dad was her world and I new that _"tell me in the morning ok" _she told me with a tear in her eyes but a smile on her face.

I could only nod _"Ok" _I couldn't drink not tonight; I was needed by her right now. I slid in bed behind her wrapping my arms around her I could feel her shaking as I knew the tears ran down her face I wished I could take all of them away. _"Shhh babe its ok he's going to be fine" _we laid like that all night never once budging

The sun shined in my eyes as they tried to open from last nights sleep. I reached my arms stretching feeling for Spencer but she was not in reach. I opened my eyes searching for her, my heart started to race thinking she left me and went home. I jumped up and searched for her not finding her and then I heard it the sound of the shower. I took a deep breath and sat down at the counter waiting for here to come out.

My cell flashed from across the room, I got up to look at who I missed Kent who I would call later, Paula I will wait for Spencer and Aiden of all people I didn't want to talk to. When I set it down and started to walk away it started ringing. It made me jump I turned back to see it was Aiden calling me.

"_When are you going to take the hint you can't touch us" _I sarcastically spoke into the phone

"_I have some pictures that say different" _Aiden said back laughing in the phone

"_I told her so go ahead try, make yourself look like a fool" _this time it was me laughing

"_Photo shop can do wonders Ash" _

"_Fuck you Aiden I'm not in the mood for your shit, I told Kent I wanted a restraining order out on you so keep calling me asshole" _I hung up tossing the phone onto the counter

"_Who was that" _Spencer stood behind me

"_Fuck Spencer you have to stop doing shit like that" _I said turning to her and smiling

"_Sorry answer my question" _

"_No one" _I tried to sound convincing

"_I know it was Aiden how long has he been calling you for" _she followed me as I walked to the balcony

"_If you knew why do you ask me then, that's asinine" _I light my cigarette making sure the smoke didn't go in her face

"_Ashley" _she whined for me to just answer

"_Go inside I don't want you by the smoke I'll be in, in a sec" _I waved my hand at her

"_Then maybe you shouldn't smoke" _

"_Yeah maybe but I am so gooo" _I pushed her in sliding the door shut

I watched her go to the luggage to get out her clothes for the day. She hasn't said anything to me about her dad yet I don't know if that should scare me or not. I shake it off and decide to call Kent to see what was going on, I run back in to grab my phone snatching the coffee of the table its Spencer's but she shouldn't be drinking it anyway.

The phone rings and rings but no answer so I call Rocky after two rings he picks up

"_Hello" _he answer I can tell he is very hung over

"_Hey big guy how you feeling" _I giggled as I asked

"_Mmm what the hell happened last night I remember calling you telling you bout the guys, after I am lost" _

"_Well I dragged you out of the bar and security but you in bed, but you were gone"_

"_I feel dead" _he laughed _"So how about Kent and Trent?" _

"_I don't know Kent called me but now he's not answering and I didn't call stupid" _I said laughing

"_Last night was crazy I'm glad you weren't there" _

"_Yeah well I have to go Spencer's dad is sick so we may have to fly back to L.A"_

"_That sucks he alright?" _

"_Yeah I guess so well I'll see you in a while"_

"_Bye"_

When I hung up Spencer was standing there staring at me

"_Damn what did I tell you about scaring me" _I walked past her

"_Sorry I want to know about my dad know my mom keep calling me and I want to hear it from you first" _she said looking at me with slight tears in her eyes

"_She said he had a stroke but a mild one full functioning just hard for him to walk" _I took her hand as the tears started to fall. It's always hard having one of your parents hurt; though I never was close with mine I would still feel horrible if something happened to them. I guess that's parents try to hide painful things from their kids.

"_I want to go home and see him" _she said while she hugged me

"_I'm already in that, But your mom doesn't want you there I guess she is scared you'll stress out"_

"_He's my dad Ashley" _she harshly pulled away from me

"_I know Babe I never said I agreed with her, where going today ok. I just want you to promise me to stay calm and don't panic the baby-"_

"_I know" _she interrupted me

"_I'll go call the airline" _I told her kissing her before I walked away

**CHAPTER 24**

We made our way through the airport bags in hand Spencer was nothing but a bag of nerves so it felt like I was carrying more luggage then her. The flight was short I sleep the whole way thinking hoping this would be over quick it was not hidden that I didn't like her family and they felt the same for me.

"_Mom where is he" _Spencer asked as we ran into the hospital seeing her mom in the waiting area

"_He's in recovery…I thought you would come later" _Paula glared at me I knew she wanted me to keep Spencer away but come on how could I keep a girl from her dad.

"_I wanted to be here mom is that ok with you" _Spencer asked in a harsh tone

"_Yeah now go honey let me snag Ashley from you" _Paula grabbed my arm holding me back

Spencer ran to her dad leaving me to fend off Paula. She was an ego maniac when it came to her family even if I was in it she never recognized me

"_I thought I told you to keep her away" _Paula snarled at me

"_Yeah well it is hard you know Spencer"_

"_One thing Ashley and you can't even do that" _

"_I have to make a phone call so is this over" _I asked turning away

"_Run Ashley Run" _Paula glared at me as I just smiled and walked away opening my cell

"_I need to talk" _I talked into the cell to someone I never thought I would turn to

Spencer was in with her father for a while now Aiden was here like I asked him to be. I hated making this decision without her but I had to there was no other way I knew he wouldn't stop until he got what he wanted.

"_How much do you want?" _I nervously took a hit from my cigarette as we stood outside the hospital

"_What? I want Spencer and my child you're no good for them and you know that is why I am here" _Aiden grabbed a cigarette out of my pack putting it to his lips and smiling

"_Fuck off I'm not stupid so just tell me" _I quipped tossing my butt into the can

"_I want a million and pictures of the first four years" _He said with a smile as he hit his cigarette

"_Mph pathetic I give you two with no pictures" _I began to walk away, I was out here way to long

"_Deal!" _I hear Aiden say from behind me, I kept walking with a smile on my face. Now how I get two million without Spencer noticing is going to be the problem.

The hospital was rather quiet not a many people wandering the halls only patients laying in there beds some sleeping others watching T.V. It must be after eight by now I have to get Spencer something to eat.

"_Where did you disappear too?" _Paula popped up from the couch where she sat reading a magazine.

"_I had something to take care of" _I looked down the hall hoping to see Spencer

"_She's still with her dad doesn't know you left, which I'm guessing was your plan" _Paula snapped

"_Good , did she eat?" _I let my eyes wonder down to Paula

"_No I'll get her something" _Paula stood but I shook my head

"_No I can handle it" _

"_What is your deal I thought we were better" _Paula stood sauntering up to me

"_We are, I'm just a little stressed I'm going down to the café want anything?" _I asked backing away from her

"_No thanks" _She walked back to the couched and picked up her magazine skimming back to her page.

I came back to Spencer's dad room with a grilled cheese and some pudding for her to eat, but she sat there with a subway sandwich and a smile on her face. My eyes followed her to the corner of the room where Aiden stood smiling at me. I felt my muscles tense and a sense of betrayal comb over me.

"_Aiden brought me a sandwich, he figured I'd be hungry" _Spencer looked up at m with a smile _"Hey I'll eat that pudding too!" _she grabbed the chocolate cup from me

My eyes haven't left Aiden I can feel the tension start and when Paula comes in it only worsens. She stops abruptly and looks to Spencer who is eating away oblivious to me and Aiden staring each other down. Ii think she sees her q to say something as she clears her throat walking towards Arthur.

"_Thanks for bringing Spencer Subway Aiden but this room is for family only so I'm sorry but you must go." _She turns to face him after checking Arthur's vitals

"_Sure I didn't mean to cause a scene I'll go" _He smirks at me but before he leaves he bends down to give Spencer a kiss.

I jump and push him out of her direction _"Who the hell do you think you are?" _I ask with a direct tone watching as Spencer stands and come over towards me

"_Just a farewell kiss is all before I get my money," _He smiles he broke one promise not to tell Spencer but he knows he can, I still want him gone. I shift from my left to my right foot hoping not to explode on him _"Take care of that baby for me Spence if she ever drugs out I'll be waiting" _ With that he leaves no drawn out battle of words short and sweet.

I turn to see a not so happy Spencer she has a dead stare on me and I almost laugh what did she think he would just go away. Paula walks past me tapping my shoulder, I turn to see her smiling and nodding at me she's probably thinking I really did it this time

Spencer doesn't say anything just walks out into the hall with a look that I know means to follow. I walk to the bench and take a seat while she paces in the hall

"_I can't believe you would offer him money to go away, this is his child" _I can see she didn't mean to say those exact words because her face is as flushed as mine. She takes a step towards me and I jump up throwing my hands in the air.

"_Ash-" _she starts but I cut her off

"_No is that what you want for this baby to have Aiden in its life?" _I stand open and weak for the first time since I have been clean begging for her not to break me

She watches me and I can see she knows if she says the wrong thing I might be pushed over the edge _"No I want only you with me and our child" _Her voice is low and I know she is lying

I swallow the burn that is in my throat down and smile making sure she believes it not letting her know how much I hurt. I hug her and kiss her neck trying to hold back the burn of the tears.

"_Just give him the money" _She whispers to me in a sorrowful voice, I pull her back and look into her eyes she is crying even thought there are no tears I can see them in her. I know she loves me and wants to be with me, so why can't I just let Aiden and her have this.

"_No" _I say to her in a sincere voice. She takes a step back looking shocked _"This isn't what you want if have to have him there then fine I can deal, I be on tour anyway so it is better you having someone" _I look dead into her eyes letting her see I am truthful in this but I am not it hurts just to say it and more to hide it. She has put herself last for me for so many years it is my turn now no matter the outcome.

"_Ashley you don't mean that and I am going on tour with you I just wanted to see my dad make sure he was ok." _She's frantic trying to hang on to me

"_I'm fine babe, I will be ok as long as you are"_

"_I want to be on tour with you" _She is still grasping

"_No you don't it's to hard for you to face my mistakes, they're not yours to face" _I tell her, I think I may be ok with this my body has become numb to the pain of jealousy we have hurt each other to much to let this stand in our way of having a happy healthy child even if it does involve Aiden.

"_Ashley I am-" _I know what she is going to say before she says it I guess that comes with knowing someone for so long and all to well

"_You are my wife and nothing can break that but us, I want you to stay her help your parents don't fight me on this save your energy." _A beep comes from her father's room and stops our conversation quickly Spencer turns and runs to him as I call for a nurse. When I walk in he is fine just ripped his I.V out the nurse is putting it back in. He sees me and smiles

"_Ahh a friendly face, Come ere'" _He signals for me to come to him

"_You gave everyone a scare Mr. C, don't do it again Spencer can't handle it" _

"_Ash-" _Spencer shrieks

"_I knew I could count on you not to fuss over me" _He smiles at me squeezing my hand. It is strange he is like a father to me but I was never scared that he would die, I see him as invisible I guess.

"_That's me rock star's don't fuss over little things" _I smile and blush a little

"_Wow conceded much?" _Mr. C quips

I look towards Spencer who is smiling watching us go back and forth. I know she loves that we can do this with each other. Her father and I have always gotten along.

I turn back to her father and smile _"Me never," _I lean down and kiss his cheek whispering _"Make sure she stays strong" _before I nod my head at Spencer to follow me out of the room.

"_Ashley I really want to go with you, I don't want to be with Aiden I hope you will realize that." _Spencer says to me as I sit back down on the chair grabbing my phone.

"_I know and I want you to be there maybe after your dad comes home but for now stay where you are needed" _I say as I press eight on my speed dial.

"_So you don't need me?" _She is getting defensive in her tone

"_I didn't mean it like that I just meant that you are needed here more. It will be better for every one especially the baby if you just stay." _I set down my phone after getting Kent's voicemail, my eyes went to her and I could see that she wasn't going to budge.

"_I'm going with you, that is what is best my dad is fine he has my mom. You need me" _

"_Spencer I will be fine knowing you are ok is good enough for me" _She sits down next to me hands on her knees legs shaking, her head is down but I know she is crying.

"_What is wrong?" _I slide my hand on top of hers, her legs stop and she looks up at me her eyes have a look in them that I have never seen

"_I have to go, I need to be with you this is what I need to feel safe" _She has compassion in her eyes she is telling the truth and I know it now, I can't leave her like I have before she will break and I can't let her.

I lower my head and think of what to say but there is no words I lean in and kiss her, resting my head against hers _"Ok…ok" _She smiles and kisses me again

We stay at the hospital till we are told visiting hours are over, Mr. C and her say their goodbyes and I just smile at him winking. I'm not that good at saying goodbye plus it's not like we won't see him again we will be back in no time.

"_Ready?" _I ask her as she comes out of the room

"_I want to find my mom first ok?" _

"_Yeah I'll be outside" _I don't care to see Paula again we may have been decent too each other but I still am not convinced that she really cares for me. I wouldn't put it past her if she was behind the whole Aiden debacle.

"_Gimmie ten minutes ok?" _Spencer asks swinging our arms

"_Yeah go" _she kisses me

I am standing outside watching the ambulances roll in, smoking my cigarette. I take a hit and look at it thinking why I am still smoking when we have a baby on the way. I put it out and turn around to see if she is coming yet but all I see is Aiden's back. He is talking to Spencer and I can't help but stare and watch as he fights for her to listen to him.

I start over when I see him getting frustrated. Spencer meets me with her eyes and she is signaling me to stay away. Lucky for him my phone rings

"_Hello" _The frustration is seeping

"_Ashley hey you ok?" _

"_Yes… did you get the money for me or what?" _ I see Aiden grab her arm, she pushes him away and he grabs back. I think I feel it again the temptation to just strangle him, I really don't even know him anymore.

"_Yes, it's in-" _I hand up on Kent as soon as I hear the words yes that's all I need to know. I walk up behind Aiden, Spencer is giving me the don't start anything look I just smile and nod at her.

"_The money is in the bank asshole so back off, your breaking the agreement to stay away from anything mine." _I am glaring at him I can tell that he has been drinking, I wonder if he even knows what he is doing or maybe he is so far in he can't tell when to quit.

"_I never signed anything" _he smirked and kept staring at Spencer

"_Go to the car Spencer!" _I bark at her I could tell she was going to protest but she quickly changed her mind. We both turn and watch her leave, Aiden chuckling under his breath

"_Shut-up Aiden, Why are you doing this is someone making you, because this isn't you. I know you are better then this?" _I turn back to face him

His head is down making me think maybe I am right, _"Who?" _I ask him in a threatening tone.

"_Where is the money?" _He is ignoring me right know

"_Answer me Aiden, it doesn't have to be like this" _I tell him in a low tone

"_You're wrong I stand and do this alone now answer me" _His hands are grabbing the bottom of his shirt, sliding them in his pockets.

"_Why so nervous Aiden?" _

"_Let it go" _A smile forms on my face and I can't help but push him

"_Who?" _I yell as I continue to push

"_Stop you know who" _he breaks with a tear in his eye, I feel hurt and confused I thought he was up to something but know the truth just makes it hurt worse.

"_What? When?" _I shake my head and stare at the ground _"Who?" _I whisper to him hoping I don't already know

"_You really thought I would do this by myself, I love you and Spencer I want you two to be happy and have a family with this baby. It would complete you two and help you stay grounded." _He was rambling and I couldn't stop him I was in a daze with this new information.

"_Just tell me Aiden that's all I ask" _my voice is low and I am on the verge of tears not for me but for Spencer. He stares at the hospital fighting to not tell me and to tell me, I can see him getting ready to run _"I am your friend Aiden you can tell me please, I will pay you one more, three million is that what you want?" _

"_No" _he yells spinning around to face me _"I never wanted your money, I love her and I should be loyal to you. I just…you always had her heart I never even had a chance and when we sleep together I just felt like maybe. Maybe I have a shot then she got pregnant and you told me to stay away. I felt dead empty and then she came to me and offered to help me get Spencer and the baby" _

"_Who Aiden who?" _I asked just wanting that answer not to listen to him confess his love for my wife. I have always known he wanted her but not in a crazy person way.

"_Her mom Ashley… Paula" _He confessed dropping to the bench putting his head down in between his legs.

I stood there shocked not because I never expected it just the impact of this information I could finally get Spencer away from her mother. No I couldn't do that, I stared down at Aiden

"_National City one o'clock tomorrow you better be there, and this what was just said never gets spoken of again understand?" _I was level and I felt relieve for the first time since I came home way back when

He looks up at me with his eyes red and a tear down his cheek. I feel nothing for him only pity, he nods his head at me as a yes. I roll my eyes and walk away now what do I say to Spencer continue to lie or tell the truth. It this case the truth may hurt more then a lie, but lies can be used against you.


	25. A boy or girl

I told Spencer the truth that night and it wasn't easy might I add, she became mad at me you know how you always hate the messenger. I've tried for weeks to get her to talk to me she doesn't want me near her, I feel as if it is my fault all this has happened. I canceled the rest of my tour, it only made her worse she needed time to heal and get away from all things LA, but I couldn't see us leaving in our situation. She needs to face this and either forgive or forget and it needs to start with her mother.

She's been sleeping a lot more whether it be depression or just the pregnancy I don't know, we have a doctor's appointment at ten, we'll find out what she is having today. I'm ecstatic I just wish she could be.

I turn and see she is awake staring out the window into the sunlight, I want to hug her and let her cry on me but she will just push me away and tell me I don't understand I know I've tried.

"_Spence we should get ready" _I tell her in a soft whisper sliding my hand across the sheets to where her back is, though I am not touching her.

"_I don't want you to go" _she slowly gets up not looking at me

"_What? Spencer…I want to be there…Please" _I sit up grabbing my sweats from the back of bed.

"_I know" _She says meekly walking to the bathroom and closing the door.

I approach the door knowing it is locked, I try anyway hoping she left me a way in. Nope locked _"Spencer this shit has to stop…Stop punishing me" _I hear her turn the shower on "_I'm going to kick it down if you don't unlock this door" _Still nothing

I take a breathe and bring my foot up to the door hitting it hard, it doesn't budge. I try this time with all my strength and it swings open the framing falling down. I smirk a little to myself.

Spencer pulls the curtain back actually looking at me for the first time in weeks it may be pure hate on her face but it is an emotion.

"_I can't believe you did that I could have been behind that door" _

"_But you weren't, and what other choice have you given me" _I approach her and see her body, her belly it has grown since the last time I have seen her. She realizes I'm looking and pulls the curtain back

"_Get out!" _she yells

"_No…I can't and I won't" _I rip the curtain of the rings and throw it to the ground leaving her standing alone and open to me

"_Nice! What the hell is your problem" _she asks with a smile

"_So this is funny you laugh now?" _I ask her as I step into the shower fully clothed

"_Don't touch me" _her words are harsh and almost pierce through my skin

"_Why I'm not gonna hurt you" _I reach out to her but she pulls back,

"_Don't Ashley" _she says my name very sternly but with a hint of pain and I know that it is my cue

"_I love you" _I tell her as I try to reach her again this time she jerks back and hits the wall a tear falls from her eyes and rolls down her cheek I wipe it and she lets me.

"_I love you Spencer" _I take her into a hug, she is still at first then starts to slither out of my grasp I hold on tighter _"I love you and I'm not going to leave you" _I whisper in her ear trying to hold my grip on her. She starts to cry and push at me finally breaking away her eyes come to mine and I see her pain.

"_I can't do this" _she says to me trying to get away and out of the shower

I grab her back _"Do what?" _I ask her

"_This I'm to tired" _she signals between us and I know she doesn't mean me, she means her with me

"_I'm not tired anymore Spencer you can sleep I'll watch over you forever" _

"_No you will now but when it gets hard you'll bail on me like always" _she is staring dead at me it actually hurts

"_It's been hard for weeks and here I am haven't left once"_ I shake my head because the pain of hearing her say this hurts to much for words

"_When this baby comes and you have to work, what then Ashley where does that leave me…other then alone" _she's crying now harder then I like to see her

"_You'll never be alone Spencer, I will always be here" _I say as I point to her heart

"_Fine Ashley like I said I'm tired I give you win let's go" _she pushes me and I was caught off balance and I fall back letting her slip away.

"_Spencer…." _I yell

"_No we have to go we can finish this later" _she says with a smile a fake one I know

I stand and watch her get dressed, I'm taken back by her beauty but off on her words

"_Are you going like that?" _she asks eyeing me up and down. I realize that I'm soaking wet.

"_You go Kimmie has the car already for you" _I nod at point toward the door

"_All the bickering and you cave so easily wish you were always so easy…" _she says as she walks out but before she goes I catch a little glimpse of a smile and a real one at that. _"Five minutes Ashley… we'll be late"_

I quickly change because I know even though I may be angry at her I have to go I want to go, see the baby find out what we are having. I keep telling myself this baby will make her realize how much I love her and that she has to come back to me. It's my last hope really because if it doesn't happen I can't deal with this anymore I will have no choice but to leave.

The car ride was long maybe because we didn't talk just little awkward glances every three seconds. We found a little OBG office on the outskirts of town, it was a nice place very expensive even in my book. It was the only place she feels comfortable at so I pay just to make her happy.

I want her to go to County but she won't go because of her mother, so I don't protest. I just know we will have to discuss where this baby will be born at. I would feel thirty percent better if she went to a real hospital.

"_Ashley are you paying attention" _Spencer asks and takes me out of my thoughts

"_Were you talking to me?" _I ask wide eyed because I never noticed her speaking

"_Wow…Yeah do you really want to know what sex the baby is?" _she's mad now in her voice there's a tone

"_Yes!" _I never glance at her just keep staring straight ahead. _"Why wouldn't I?"_

She doesn't answer just opens the door as we pull up to the office, I follow behind her slowly letting her get ahead of me, hoping she'll stop for me but she doesn't.

The nurse leads us into a room, a bright white room like a surgical room. I notice the pictures hanging on the wall old art that could have been painted by a two year old it was so ugly.

I take a seat on the big spinning chair and Spencer relaxes on the white paper that hides the weird shaped bed. I notice the stirrups first and smile as I think of what I could do with those. It is as if Spencer knows what I am thinking she shakes her head and huffs.

"_What?" _I ask her with a smile

"_Nothing… it will never happen" _She smiles as she says it and I think it is the first time I've seen her happy in a long time, even if it only last for a second.

I stand up and stride over to her smirking I lean down and whisper _"Well I know whats on my mind but whats on yours"_

I hear the paper crinkling as she scoots back away from me. It all comes back to me the fighting and arguing as I hang my head I shake it a little before turning and sitting back down, never making eye contact with her. I know she's looking at me I can feel her but I continue to keep my eyes on the magazine I am flipping through. I hear the paper move and then warm soft fingers pulling at my chin. When I look I don't notice she is crying maybe because I am sick of all of this or just because I am starting to get use to her crying.

"_I'm sorry I know you've been trying…and I appreciate that its just hard." _Her hand is now on my cheek and I wish I could just hug her and make her believe me when I say everything will be ok but I know it can't be that simple.

"_You make it harder then it should" _Ok I know that came out sounding bad but I think she got what I meant

"_I know I want to stop and let it all be easy again –" _

I cut her off quickly _"When was it ever easy, me touring, Aiden and his shit and now this with your mom, it was never easy and it never will be so if that's -" _

"_No its not I – I just want to be normal" _She went and sat back down I immediately missed the warmth of her hand

I got up and went to her _"Spencer look at me!" _I smile as she gazes up at me with her eyes I smile remembering all the times I have been lost in them. _"It will never be normal for us, there are so many reasons why and I think you know them all, You could go and have a semi normal life but me I am stuck with this abnormal life and anyone in it is also"_ My hand comes to a stop on her belly and I kneel down and give her stomach a kiss, I look up at her and smile _"If you want normal for you and this baby I will let you go" _

She opens her mouth to speak but a knock on the door makes us both stop and look at the doctor who walks in. He's a tall older man black hair definitely dyed because his eyebrows are as white as snow, chubby looking face that doesn't match well with his shape. But he walks in with a smile and that is all I can ask for no assholes.

"_Hello ladies, so we ready to seeing this baby?" _He asks as he sits down in the spinning chair I was just in. ii move aside so he can get to Spencer.

"_Yeah" _Spencer's voice shakes and I immediately reach down to hold her hand squeezing some reassurance into her.

"_Don't sound scared you won't feel a thing, well right now that is… I can't promise anything a couple months from now." _He says with a smile

I watch as they have a conversation, talking about what will happen and how she'll now what to do. I know I should be listening but my mind keeps wandering off into space thinking of all the shit that is between me and Spencer and how petty it really is. The only thing that matters is what happens right now not what has happened.

I feel Spencer move and I am shook out of my thought, she smiles up at me I know our conversation will continue in the car or at home so I am not stressing on it but I think she is her eyes are searching mine trying to tell me something but I can't see.

Spencer lays down and I look toward the doctor who is wheeling a machine over toward the bed. He pulls out what looks like a real big dildo, I scrunch my face and Spencer laughs.

"_It's to see the baby Ashley…" _

"_Oh sorry I might have not heard that part" _I smile and sit down on the chair next to her

"_Yeah I seen you floating out there" _she remarks I just smile

"_Ok let's see this little guy or girl" _He's rubbing the devise on Spencer's stomach and the machine is making a weird noise _"So do you two want to know what you are having?" _he asks as he stops and looks and Spencer and I

"_Yeah, Ashley right?" _Spencer looks at me and I shake my head _"Yes" _

"_Ok here is the baby, the noise you hear is the heartbeat and it looks like you'll be having a little girl" _He smiles and looks up at us, Spencer starts to cry and I stare at the screen just watching trying to see the baby because to me it looks like a black and white motion picture. I feel relieved as in the baby will hopefully look like Spencer and not like its father but now it makes it all the more real.

"_Ok Spencer I want you to schedule an appointment for some blood test and then make an appointment to come see me again in about six weeks. How does that sound?" _he asks with a smirk on his face like he just saved the world

"_It sounds great…Can we go please" _I interrupt and Spencer looks at me nervously sensing my irritation she just smiles

"_Yes we can go…Thank you Doctor Dom" _she shakes his hand and his hands comes towards me and I smile and grab Spencer's pants and shoes.

"_Yeah thanks…you can go now so she can dress" _I frown at him, his eyes widen he turns and leaves. I really don't know what has happened to my mind but I think it is still lost in it's a girl. I snapped a little my craving for alcohol has risen since Spencer's break down. I can feel it sinking in my mind my blood and some of my thoughts it's like an annoying pinching in my heart and it won't stop. I hand Spencer her clothes, she rips them from my hand

"_What was that about we agreed to be nice not psychotic" _She asks eyeing me as she slips her jeans on.

"_Not now let's just go I have some shit I need to do" _I grab her hand and she recoils

"_Don't treat me like I'm your toy Ashley… I'm your wife and I'm not stupid" _She glares at me and reaches for the door. I grab it and pull her into me

"_I never said you were stupid, that was you so don't go putting shit in my mouth that was never there." _I run my hand over her hair and tuck a strain behind her ear

"_In the car you never answered me is this what you want" _I ask her

"_Yes I want us -" _I put my hand over her mouth stopping her from speaking

"_Shhh…I just want to know if you want to be my wife forever no matter what"_

"_Yes I do and I wish you would tell me the same" _she asked smiling hoping for me to tell her

"_I will… I have, let's go" _I opened the door pulling her with me I know she wanted more but right now I just needed to hear her say it"


	26. No More part one

Spencer made her appointments as I stood and waited I knelt down to pick up a magazine with me on the cover in bold prints saying **"Broken will she stay or go only the alcohol and drugs can't save her" **pages 69 – 71. I flipped to the page hoping it wasn't new and sure enough it was a picture of Spencer kissing Aiden and a fake ultrasound picture are the things that stuck out in my head. Was it photo shopped? How long ago was this?

As I flipped to the next page it showed me handing Aiden the check, and another of Spencer and her mother you could tell it was ugly. It read in the caption **"A pay off to stay away from Davies' wife and an irate daughter after she hears mom set it up"**

I shook my head, feeling the anger built and the need for a straight shot and maybe a line or three. I turn to see Spencer smiling at the nurse I tuck the magazine under my arm.

"_Spencer stop flirting if your done let's fuckin go" _She whirls around eyeing me an I just smile, the nurse kind of huffs then disappears

"_I was talking you now normal people do that" _she says as we walk out

"_Yeah well that was flirting normal or not, plus I told you I'm not normal so therefore neither are you" _ I turn to smile at her and see that she staring beside me I look and I see a big media frenzy outside waiting for someone well me and Spencer to walk out.

"_See not so normal" _I say to her as I grab my phone and begin to dial Kent, it keeps ringing nothing. So I turn to see six police men coming towards us.

"_Ms. Davies we'll escort you to your car we've been waiting for you two. They showed up and the secretary decided to call us knowing you were here."_ He looked to Spencer and reached for her to come under his arm, she followed as I went to the other man

"_Make sure no one touches her!" _I practically seethe anger as he turns to look at me

"_Oh no ma'am no one will lay a finger on her…promise" _He adds with reassurance

"_Why are they all here and how did they know we'd be here" _Spencer asks but before they can answer I shake my head signaling I didn't know

"_Reporters Spencer it's their job" _I say as we start to walk out

It's like a zoo and we are the main attraction to the lions cage when it is feeding time only were the meat and there the lions. I can hear some question _"How much was it for?" _and _"Is it a boy or a girl?" "Spencer why'd you cheat?" "Ashley how's the wagon?"_ I smiled and added no comment as we plowed through the police yelling _"Stay back" _

We finally made it to the car and I started laughing, I actually missed this a little. I turn to see Spencer not laughing but a look of fear and anger on her face _"What?" _I ask as I pull out the magazine

"_What made that happen and how did they know?" _She's asking me as if its my fault. I flop the magazine on her lap not looking at her, I made sure the page was of her kissing Aiden

"_Ashley when I haven't even seen him since-" _She stops talking and I look up at her not realizing a glass is in my hand filled with Jack _"What are you doing?" _she asks

I shrug it off and take a swig of my glass, I needed it and damn did it feel good. _"Ashley" _she shrieked grabbing the glass from me

I on instinct grabbed her wrist and not at all nicely squeezing it until she dropped the glass in my other hand _"Don't touch it again" _I demanded seeing her cringe I set the glass down and crawled over straddling her I whispered _"You have no right telling me right from wrong, that picture… was not photo shopped, both you and I know that" _I kissed her neck and she snapped her head away

"_Stop Ashley…" _she pushes me away _"See this is what I mean by hurting me, the alcohol, the drugs it all leads to violence and it succumbs you." _She tries to open the driver glass but I grab her.

"_What makes me angry is when you lie" _I held up the magazine

"_Ok it's not photo shopped but that was from a long time ago!" _I shake my head with a smile

"_When and how long" _I ask her grabbing for my drink

"_There was no time limit on it, Stop drinking that…" _She moans and I oblige not because I want to but I realize I need to keep my cool.

I set my glass down and smile _"Happy"_

"_No, I just want to get home by back is killing me" _She's stalling I know she is and so does she. I take it stride letting her play her game. This a lie that I don't think will ever die.

"_Sorry but that's not my fault I wasn't the one who had you on your back, no that was Aiden" _I spit out at her before grabbing my glass back. I can feel her eyes burning through me but I smile as I take a drink

"_Actually I wasn't…-"_

I pulled the glass down from my face, quickly turning to her _"Don't"_

"_What you can say stupid shit but not me…oh that's right I have to be quiet" _She practically screams the last part while smacking my glass from my hands.

I don't react, just smile as the liquor splashes against the window and floor, I guess I deserved that. The funny part is she's mad but not at me at herself. I know and so does she that she has seen Aiden not for any other reason then to talk. She wants to know why her mom did it and I understand that I just wish she wouldn't lie to me.

The magazine is on the floor, my Jack Daniels spilled on it. My thoughts run and run finally stopping when u hear her sniffle a tear away. _"I'm going back on tour" _I bend down and grab the glass setting it back in the cup holder.

I can feel the car come to a stop, she reaches her hand out to me and I take it and smile as I open the door

"_Please don't leave" _she whispers it to where I barely hear her

"_It's for the best" _I say slowly as I release her hand and walk to the house leaving her there to cry except for she doesn't stay and cry like I had thought she would.

"_Runaway Ashley like always, don't think you can come back…I won't let you" _She has my attention as she walks in front of me, putting her hands out to stop me, I smile and move her _"No" _she yells

"_I have to I'm drowning can't you see that" _

"_Yes I see that but look at me you can't leave me again not now…not after my mom" _She was crying but I had to go I needed to think and the road was the only place I could ever think

"_I'll call Kyla to come stay with you for a couple months" _I said it as if it were a question not a goodbye but she knew there was no fighting me on this. I was unstable again and she was in the middle but it wasn't only her this time.

She stormed past me slamming the house door, It was a subtle fuck you. I went to the back yard before I called Kyla maybe to think of another way to make all this go away but I had no idea of what.

I went to the shed and grabbed a beer out of the fridge and a pack of smokes from the freezer. I heard once that if you put an unopened pack in the cold it stays fresh but it doesn't it has become my spot to hide them from Spencer.

I took a seat staring out into the ocean, I must have been there for a while because a six pack was gone and my smokes where almost gone as well. The sun was gone and I still haven't called Kyla maybe there's a reason why. No I'm just scared of leaving her all alone but I have to it will be my way back.

I call Kyla before I go in she isn't to happy with me but she'll come just because she knows I'll leave and Spencer will be alone.


End file.
